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3. print SHREK Written by William Steig Ted Elliott SHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by loves first kiss She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible firebreathing dragon Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison but non prevailed She waited in the dragons keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true loves first kiss laughs Like thats ever gonna happen What a load of toilet flush Allstar by Smashmouth begins to play Shrek goes about his day While in a nearby town the villagers get together to go after the ogre NIGHT NEAR SHREKS HOME MAN1 Think its in there MAN2 All right Lets get it MAN1 Whoa Hold on Do you know what that thing can do to you MAN3 Yeah itll grind your bones for its bread Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs SHREK Yes well actually that would be a giant Now ogres oh theyre much worse Theyll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin MEN No SHREK Theyll shave your liver Squeeze the jelly from your eyes Actually its quite good on toast MAN1 Back Back beast Back I warn ya waves the torch at Shrek Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch The men shrink back away from him Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark SHREK This is the part where you run away The men scramble to get away He laughs And stay out looks down and picks up a piece of paper Reads Wanted Fairy tale creaturesHe sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him There are cages all around Some of the people in line are Peter Pan who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage Gipetto whos carrying Pinocchio and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs GUARD All right This ones full Take it away Move it along Come on Get up HEAD GUARD Next GUARD taking the witchs broom Give me that Your flying days are over breaks the broom in half HEAD GUARD Thats 20 pieces of silver for the witch Next GUARD Get up Come on HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces LITTLE BEAR crying This cage is too small DONKEY Please dont turn me in Ill never be stubborn again I can change Please Give me another chance OLD WOMAN Oh shut up jerks his rope DONKEY Oh HEAD GUARD Next What have you got GIPETTO This little wooden puppet PINOCCHIO Im not a puppet Im a real boy his nose grows HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy Take it away PINOCCHIO Father please Dont let them do this Help me Gipetto takes the money and walks off The old woman steps up to the table HEAD GUARD Next What have you got OLD WOMAN Well Ive got a talking donkey HEAD GUARD Right Well thats good for ten shillings if you can prove it OLD WOMAN Oh go ahead little fella Donkey just looks up at her HEAD GUARD Well OLD WOMAN Oh oh hes justhes just a little nervous Hes really quite a chatterbox Talk you boneheaded dolt HEAD GUARD Thats it Ive heard enough Guards OLD WOMAN No no he talks He does pretends to be Donkey I can talk I love to talk Im the talkingest damn thing you ever saw HEAD GUARD Get her out of my sight OLD WOMAN No no I swear Oh He can talk The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pans hands and her cage drops on Donkeys head He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and hes able to fly DONKEY Hey I can fly PETER PAN He can fly 3 LITTLE PIGS He can fly HEAD GUARD He can talk DONKEY Ha ha Thats right fool Now Im a flying talking donkey You might have seen a housefly maybe even a superfly but I bet you aint never seen a donkey fly Ha ha the pixie dust begins to wear off Uhoh he begins to sink to the ground He hits the ground with a thud HEAD GUARD Seize him Donkey takes of running After him GUARDS Hes getting away Get him This way Turn Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek Literally Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path He quickly hides behind Shrek HEAD GUARD You there Ogre SHREK Aye HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility SHREK Oh really You and what army He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off The guard tucks tail and runs off Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage DONKEY Can I say something to you Listen you was really really really somethin back here Incredible SHREK Are you talkin tohe turns around and Donkey is gone me he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him Whoa DONKEY Yes I was talkin to you Can I tell you that you that you was great back here Those guards They thought they was all of that Then you showed up and bam They was trippin over themselves like babes in the woods That really made me feel good to see that SHREK Oh thats great Really DONKEY Man its good to be free SHREK Now why dont you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends Hmm DONKEY But uh I dont have any friends And Im not goin out there by myself Hey wait a minute I got a great idea Ill stick with you Youre mean green fightin machine Together well scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly DONKEY Oh wow That was really scary If you dont mind me sayin if that dont work your breath certainly will get the job done cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something cause you breath stinks You almost burned the hair outta my nose just like the timeShrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk so Shrek removes his hand then I ate some rotten berries I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day SHREK Why are you following me DONKEY Ill tell you why singing Cause Im all alone Theres no one here beside me My problems have all gone Theres no one to deride me But you gotta have faith SHREK Stop singing Its no wonder you dont have any friends DONKEY Wow Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest SHREK Listen little donkey Take a look at me What am I DONKEY looks all the way up at Shrek Uh really tall SHREK No Im an ogre You know Grab your torch and pitchforks Doesnt that bother you DONKEY Nope SHREK Really DONKEY Really really SHREK Oh DONKEY Man I like you Whats you name SHREK Uh Shrek DONKEY Shrek Well you know what I like about you Shrek You got that kind of Idontcarewhatnobodythinksofme thing I like that I respect that Shrek You all right They come over a hill and you can see Shreks cottage Whoa Look at that Whod want to live in place like that SHREK That would be my home DONKEY Oh And it is lovely Just beautiful You know you are quite a decorator Its amazing what youve done with such a modest budget I like that boulder That is a nice boulder I guess you dont entertain much do you SHREK I like my privacy DONKEY You know I do too Thats another thing we have in common Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face Youve trying to give them a hint and they wont leave Theres that awkward silence awkward silence Can I stay with you SHREK Uh what DONKEY Can I stay with you please SHREK sarcastically Of course DONKEY Really SHREK No DONKEY Please I dont wanna go back there You dont know what its like to be considered a freak pause while he looks at Shrek Well maybe you do But thats why we gotta stick together You gotta let me stay Please Please SHREK Okay Okay But one night only DONKEY Ah Thank you he runs inside the cottage SHREK What are you Donkey hops up onto a chair No No DONKEY This is gonna be fun We can stay up late swappin manly stories and in the mornin Im makin waffles SHREK Oh DONKEY Where do uh I sleep SHREK irritated Outside DONKEY Oh well I guess thats cool I mean I dont know you and you dont know me so I guess outside is best you know Here I go Good night Shrek slams the door sigh I mean I do like the outdoors Im a donkey I was born outside Ill just be sitting by myself outside I guess you know By myself outside Im all alonetheres no one here beside me SHREKS COTTAGE NIGHT Shrek is getting ready for dinner He sits himself down and lights a candle made out of earwax He begins to eat when he hears a noise He stands up with a huff SHREK to Donkey I thought I told you to stay outside DONKEY from the window I am outside There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that made the noise He sees several shadows moving He finally turns and spots 3 blind mice on his table BLIND MOUSE1 Well gents its a far cry from the farm but what choice do we have BLIND MOUSE2 Its not home but itll do just fine GORDO bouncing on a slug What a lovely bed SHREK Got ya Grabs a mouse but it escapes and lands on his shoulder GORDO I found some cheese bites Shreks ear SHREK Ow GORDO Blah Awful stuff BLIND MOUSE1 Is that you Gordo GORDO How did you know SHREK Enough he grabs the 3 mice What are you doing in my house He gets bumped from behind and he drops the mice Hey he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White on the table Oh no no no Dead broad off the table DWARF Where are we supposed to put her The beds taken SHREK Huh Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed The wolf just looks at him BIG BAD WOLF What TIME LAPSE Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging him to the front door SHREK I live in a swamp I put up signs Im a terrifying ogre What do I have to do get a little privacy He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees that all the collected Fairy Tale Creatures are on his land Oh no No No The 3 bears sit around the fire the pied piper is playing his pipe and the rats are all running to him some elves are directing flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can landetc SHREK What are you doing in my swamp this echoes and everyone falls silent Gasps are heard all around The 3 good fairies hide inside a tent SHREK All right get out of here All of you move it Come on Lets go Hapaya Hapaya Hey Quickly Come on more dwarves run inside the house No no No no Not there Not there they shut the door on him Oh turns to look at Donkey DONKEY Hey dont look at me I didnt invite them PINOCCHIO Oh gosh no one invited us SHREK What PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here SHREK flabbergasted By who LITTLE PIG Lord Farquaad He huffed and he puffed and hesigned an eviction notice SHREK heavy sigh All right Who knows where this Farquaad guy is Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers DONKEY Oh I do I know where he is SHREK Does anyone else know where to find him Anyone at all DONKEY Me Me SHREK Anyone DONKEY Oh Oh pick me Oh I know I know Me me SHREK sigh Okay fine Attention all fairy tale things Do not get comfortable Your welcome is officially worn out In fact Im gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from Pause Then the crowd goes wild Oh to Donkey You Youre comin with me DONKEY All right thats what I like to hear man Shrek and Donkey two stalwart friends off on a whirlwind bigcity adventure I love it DONKEY singing On the road again Sing it with me Shrek I cant wait to get on the road again SHREK What did I say about singing DONKEY Can I whistle SHREK No DONKEY Can I hum it SHREK All right hum it Donkey begins to hum On the Road Again DULOC KITCHEN A masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man Hes continually dunking him in a glass of milk Lord Farquaad walks in FARQUAAD Thats enough Hes ready to talk The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a cookie sheet Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the table However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes He clears his throat and the table is lowered FARQUAAD he picks up the Gingerbread Mans legs and plays with them Run run run as fast as you can You cant catch me Im the gingerbread man GINGERBREAD MAN You are a monster FARQUAAD Im not the monster here You are You and the rest of that fairy tale trash poisoning my perfect world Now tell me Where are the others GINGERBREAD MAN Eat me He spits milk into Farquaads eye FARQUAAD Ive tried to be fair to you creatures Now my patience has reached its end Tell me or Illhe makes as if to pull off the Gingerbread Mans buttons GINGERBREAD MAN No no not the buttons Not my gumdrop buttons FARQUAAD All right then Whos hiding them GINGERBREAD MAN Okay Ill tell you Do you know the muffin man FARQUAAD The muffin man GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man FARQUAAD Yes I know the muffin man who lives on Drury Lane GINGERBREAD MAN Well shes married to the muffin man FARQUAAD The muffin man GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man FARQUAAD Shes married to the muffin man The door opens and the Head Guard walks in HEAD GUARD My lord We found it FARQUAAD Then what are you waiting for Bring it in More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet It is the Magic Mirror GINGERBREAD MAN in awe Ohhhh FARQUAAD Magic mirror GINGERBREAD MAN Dont tell him anything Farquaad picks him up and dumps him into a trash can with a lid No FARQUAAD Evening Mirror mirror on the wall Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all MIRROR Well technically youre not a king FARQUAAD Uh Thelonius Thelonius holds up a hand mirror and smashes it with his fist You were saying MIRROR What I mean is youre not a king yet But you can become one All you have to do is marry a princess FARQUAAD Go on MIRROR chuckles nervously So just sit back and relax my lord because its time for you to meet todays eligible bachelorettes And here they are Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shutin from a kingdom far far away She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters Please welcome Cinderella shows picture of Cinderella Bachelorette number two is a capewearing girl from the land of fancy Although she lives with seven other men shes not easy Just kiss her dead frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is Come on Give it up for Snow White shows picture of Snow White And last but certainly not last bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragonguarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava But dont let that cool you off Shes a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain Yours for the rescuing Princess Fiona Shows picture of Princess Fiona So will it be bachelorette number one bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three GUARDS Two Two Three Three Two Two Three FARQUAAD Three One Three THELONIUS Three holds up 2 fingers Pick number three my lord FARQUAAD Okay okay uh number three MIRROR Lord Farquaad youve chosen Princess Fiona FARQUAAD Princess Fiona Shes perfect All I have to do is just find someone who can go MIRROR But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night FARQUAAD Ill do it MIRROR Yes but after sunset FARQUAAD Silence I will make this Princess Fiona my queen and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king Captain assemble your finest men Were going to have a tournament smiles evilly DuLoc Parking Lot Lancelot Section Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking lot The castle itself is about 40 stories high DONKEY But thats it Thats it right there Thats DuLoc I told ya Id find it SHREK So that must be Lord Farquaads castle DONKEY Uhhuh Thats the place SHREK Do you think maybe hes compensating for something He laughs but then groans as Donkey doesnt get the joke He continues walking through the parking lot DONKEY Hey wait Wait up Shrek MAN Hurry darling Were late Hurry SHREK Hey you The attendant who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get away from Shrek Wait a second Look Im not gonna eat you I just I just He sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows The attendant runs into a wall and falls down Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc DULOC They look around but all is quiet SHREK Its quiet Too quiet Where is everybody DONKEY Hey look at this Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked Information The music winds up and then the box doors open up There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing WOODEN PEOPLE Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Dont make waves stay in line And well get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes wipe your face DuLoc is DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect place Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shreks picture DONKEY Wow Lets do that again makes ready to run over and pull the lever again SHREK grabs Donkeys tail and holds him still No No No no no No They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena FARQUAAD Brave knights You are the best and brightest in all the land Today one of you shall prove himself As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song SHREK All right Youre going the right way for a smacked bottom DONKEY Sorry about that FARQUAAD That champion shall have the honor no no the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful the first runnerup will take his place and so on and so forth Some of you may die but its a sacrifice I am willing to make cheers Let the tournament begin He notices Shrek Oh What is that Its hideous SHREK turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad Ah thats not very nice Its just a donkey FARQUAAD Indeed Knights new plan The one who kills the ogre will be named champion Have it him MEN Get him SHREK Oh hey Now come on Hang on now bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer CROWD Go ahead Get him SHREK holds up a mug of beer Cant we just settle this over a pint CROWD Kill the beast SHREK No All right then drinks the beer Come on He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him The beer comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting the ground Its like mud now Shrek slides past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped As Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger beer barrels It breaks free of its ropes and begins to roll Donkey manages to squish two men into the mud There is so much fighting going on here Im not going to go into detail Suffice to say that Shrek kicks butt DONKEY Hey Shrek tag me Tag me Shrek comes over and bangs a mans head up against Donkeys Shrek gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd SHREK Yeah A man tries to sneak up behind Shrek but Shrek turns in time and sees him WOMAN The chair Give him the chair Shrek smashes a chair over the guys back Finally all the men are down Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet and the ding sounds the end of the match The audience goes wild SHREK Oh yeah Ah Ah Thank you Thank you very much Im here till Thursday Try the veal Ha ha laughs The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on Shrek HEAD GUARD Shall I give the order sir FARQUAAD No I have a better idea People of DuLoc I give you our champion SHREK What FARQUAAD Congratulations ogre Youre won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest SHREK Quest Im already in a quest a quest to get my swamp back FARQUAAD Your swamp SHREK Yeah my swamp Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures FARQUAAD Indeed All right ogre Ill make you a deal Go on this quest for me and Ill give you your swamp back SHREK Exactly the way it was FARQUAAD Down to the last slimecovered toadstool SHREK And the squatters FARQUAAD As good as gone SHREK What kind of quest Time Lapse Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field heading away from DuLoc Shrek is munching on an onion DONKEY Let me get this straight Youre gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only dont have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place Is that about right SHREK You know maybe theres a good reason donkeys shouldnt talk DONKEY I dont get it Why dont you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him Throttle him lay siege to his fortress grinds his bones to make your bread the whole ogre trip SHREK Oh I know what Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike gotten a knife cut open their spleen and drink their fluids Does that sound good to you DONKEY Uh no not really no SHREK For your information theres a lot more to ogres than people think DONKEY Example SHREK Example Okay um ogres are like onions he holds out his onion DONKEY sniffs the onion They stink SHREK Yes No DONKEY They make you cry SHREK No DONKEY You leave them in the sun they get all brown start sproutin little white hairs SHREK No Layers Onions have layers Ogres have layers Onions have layers You get it We both have layers he heaves a sigh and then walks off DONKEY trailing after Shrek Oh you both have layers Oh Sniffs You know not everybody likes onions Cake Everybody loves cakes Cakes have layers SHREK I dont care what everyone likes Ogres are not like cakes DONKEY You know what else everybody likes Parfaits Have you ever met a person you say Lets get some parfait they say Hell no I dont like no parfait Parfaits are delicious SHREK No You dense irritating miniature beast of burden Ogres are like onions And of story Byebye See ya later DONKEY Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet SHREK You know I think I preferred your humming DONKEY Do you have a tissue or something Im making a mess Just the word parfait make me start slobbering They head off There is a montage of their journey Walking through a field at sunset Sleeping beneath a bright moon Shrek trying to put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem so Donkey pees on the fire to put it out DRAGONS KEEP Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep thats supposed to house Princess Fiona It appears to look like a giant volcano DONKEY sniffs Ohh Shrek Did you do that You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off My mouth was open and everything SHREK Believe me Donkey if it was me youd be dead sniffs Its brimstone We must be getting close DONKEY Yeah right brimstone Dont be talking about its the brimstone I know what I smell It wasnt no brimstone It didnt come off no stone neither They climb up the side of the volcanokeep and look down There is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where the castle is It is surrounded by boiling lava It looks very foreboding SHREK Sure its big enough but look at the location laughsthen the laugh turns into a groan DONKEY Uh Shrek Uh remember when you said ogres have layers SHREK Oh aye DONKEY Well I have a bit of a confession to make Donkeys dont have layers We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves SHREK Wait a second Donkeys dont have sleeves DONKEY You know what I mean SHREK You cant tell me youre afraid of heights DONKEY No Im just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava SHREK Come on Donkey Im right here beside ya okay For emotional support well just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time DONKEY Really SHREK Really really DONKEY Okay that makes me feel so much better SHREK Just keep moving And dont look down DONKEY Okay dont look down Dont look down Dont look down Keep on moving Dont look down he steps through a rotting board and ends up looking straight down into the lava Shrek Im lookin down Oh God I cant do this Just let me off please SHREK But youre already halfway DONKEY But I know that half is safe SHREK Okay fine I dont have time for this You go back DONKEY Shrek no Wait SHREK Just Donkey Lets have a dance then shall me bounces and sways the bridge DONKEY Dont do that SHREK Oh Im sorry Do what Oh this bounces the bridge again DONKEY Yes that SHREK Yes Yes do it Okay continues to bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across the bridge DONKEY No Shrek No Stop it SHREK You said do it Im doin it DONKEY Im gonna die Im gonna die Shrek Im gonna die steps onto solid ground Oh SHREK Thatll do Donkey Thatll do walks towards the castle DONKEY Cool So where is this firebreathing painintheneck anyway SHREK Inside waiting for us to rescue her chuckles DONKEY I was talkin about the dragon Shrek INSIDE THE CASTLE DONKEY You afraid SHREK No DONKEY But SHREK Shh DONKEY Oh good Me neither sees a skeleton and gasps Cause theres nothin wrong with bein afraid Fears a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation Unfamiliar dangerous situation I might add With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire it sure doesnt mean youre a coward if youre a little scared I sure as heck aint no coward I know that SHREK Donkey two things okay Shut up Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs DONKEY Stairs I thought we was lookin for the princess SHREK putting on a helmet The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower DONKEY What makes you think shell be there SHREK I read it in a book once walks off DONKEY Cool You handle the dragon Ill handle the stairs Ill find those stairs Ill whip their butt too Those stairs wont know which way theyre goin walks off EMPTY ROOM Donkey is still talking to himself as he looks around the room DONKEY Im gonna take drastic steps Kick it to the curb Dont mess with me Im the stair master Ive mastered the stairs I wish I had a step right here Id step all over it ELSEWHERE Shrek spots a light in the tallest tower window SHREK Well at least we know where the princess is but wheres the DONKEY os Dragon Donkey gasps and takes off running as the dragon roars again Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon breathes fire SHREK Donkey look out he manages to get a hold of the dragons tail and holds on Got ya The dragon gets irritated at this and flicks its tail and Shrek goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the tallest tower Fiona wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying on the floor DONKEY Oh Aah Aah Donkey get cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small part of the bridge hes on DONKEY No Oh no No the dragon roars Oh what large teeth you have the dragon growls I mean white sparkling teeth I know you probably hear this all time from your food but you must bleach cause that is one dazzling smile you got there Do I detect a hint of minty freshness And you know what else Youre Youre a girl dragon Oh sure I mean of course youre a girl dragon Youre just reeking of feminine beauty the dragon begins fluttering her eyes at him Whats the matter with you You got something in your eye Ohh Oh Oh Man Id really love to stay but you know Im uhthe dragon blows a smoke ring in the shape of a heart right at him and he coughs Im an asthmatic and I dont know if itd work out if youre gonna blow smoke rings Shrek the dragon picks him up with her teeth and carries him off No Shrek Shrek Shrek FIONAS ROOM Shrek groans as he gets up off the floor His back is to Fiona so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed She then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off the side table She then lays back down and appears to be asleep Shrek turns and goes over to her He looks down at Fiona for a moment and she puckers her lips Shrek takes her by the shoulders and shakes her away FIONA Oh Oh SHREK Wake up FIONA What SHREK Are you Princess Fiona FIONA I am awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me SHREK Oh thats nice Now lets go FIONA But wait Sir Knight This beith our first meeting Should it not be a wonderful romantic moment SHREK Yeah sorry lady Theres no time FIONA Hey wait What are you doing You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed SHREK Youve had a lot of time to plan this havent you FIONA smiles Mmhmm Shrek breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down the hallway FIONA But we have to savor this moment You could recite an epic poem for me A ballad A sonnet A limerick Or something SHREK I dont think so FIONA Can I at least know the name of my champion SHREK Uh Shrek FIONA Sir Shrek clears throat and holds out a handkerchief I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude SHREK Thanks Suddenly they hear the dragon roar FIONA surprisedYou didnt slay the dragon SHREK Its on my todo list Now come on takes off running and drags Fiona behind him FIONA But this isnt right You were meant to charge in sword drawn banner flying Thats what all the other knights did SHREK Yeah right before they burst into flame FIONA Thats not the point Shrek suddenly stops and she runs into him Oh Shrek ignores her and heads for a wooden door off to the side Wait Where are you going The exits over there SHREK Well I have to save my ass FIONA What kind of knight are you SHREK One of a kind opens the door into the throne room DONKEY os Slow down Slow down baby please I believe its healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time Just call me oldfashioned laughs worriedly we see him up close and from a distance as Shrek sneaks into the room I dont want to rush into a physical relationship Im not emotionally ready for a commitment of uh this Magnitude really is the word Im looking for Magnitude Hey that is unwanted physical contact Hey what are you doing Okay okay Lets just back up a little and take this one step at a time We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals Im on the road a lot but I just love receiving cards Id really love to stay but Dont do that Thats my tail Thats my personal tail Youre gonna tear it off I dont give permission What are you gonna do with that Hey now No way No No No no No No no no No Oh Shrek grabs a chain thats connected to the chandelier and swings toward the dragon He misses and he swings back again He looks up and spots that the chandelier is right above the dragons head He pulls on the chain and it releases and he falls down and bumps Donkey out of the way right as the dragon is about to kiss him Instead the dragon kisses Shreks butt She opens her eyes and roars Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto her head but its too big and it goes over her head and forms a sort of collar for her She roars again and Shrek and Donkey take off running Very Matrix style Shrek grabs Donkey and then grabs Princess Fiona as he runs past her DONKEY Hi Princess FIONA It talks SHREK Yeah its getting him to shut up thats the trick They all start screaming as the dragon gains on them Shrek spots a descending slide and jumps on But unfortunately there is a crack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin His eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles off and walks lightly SHREK Oh Shrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and Fiona SHREK Okay you two heard for the exit Ill take care of the dragon Shrek grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the castle He throws the sword down in between several overlapping chain links The chain links are attached to the chandelier that is still around the dragons neck SHREK echoing Run They all take off running for the exit with the dragon in hot pursuit They make it to the bridge and head across The dragons breathes fire and the bridge begins to burn They all hang on for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse They are swung to the other side As they hang upside down they look in horror as the dragon makes to fly over the boiling lava to get them But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerk the dragon back and shes unable to get to them Our gang climbs quickly to safety as the dragon looks angry and then gives a sad whimper as she watches Donkey walk away FIONA sliding down the volcano hill You did it You rescued me Youre amazing behind her Donkey falls down the hill Youre Youre wonderful Youre turns and sees Shrek fall down the hill and bump into Donkey a little unorthodox Ill admit But thy deed is great and thy heart is pure I am eternally in your debt Donkey clears his throat And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed DONKEY I hope you heard that She called me a noble steed She think Im a steed FIONA The battle is won You may remove your helmet good Sir Knight SHREK Uh no FIONA Why not SHREK I have helmet hair FIONA Please I wouldst look upon the face of my rescuer SHREK No no you wouldnt st FIONA But how will you kiss me SHREK What to Donkey That wasnt in the job description DONKEY Maybe its a perk FIONA No its destiny Oh you must know how it goes A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight and then they share true loves first kiss DONKEY Hmm With Shrek You think Wait Wait You think that Shrek is you true love FIONA Well yes Both Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing DONKEY You think Shrek is your true love FIONA What is so funny SHREK Lets just say Im not your type okayFiona Of course you are Youre my rescuer Now Now remove your helmet SHREK Look I really dont think this is a good idea FIONA Just take off the helmet SHREK Im not going to FIONA Take it off SHREK No FIONA Now SHREK Okay Easy As you command Your Highness takes off his helmet FIONA You Youre a an ogre SHREK Oh you were expecting Prince Charming FIONA Well yes actually Oh no This is all wrong Youre not supposed to be an ogre SHREK Princess I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad okay He is the one who wants to marry you FIONA Then why didnt he come rescue me SHREK Good question You should ask him that when we get there FIONA But I have to be rescued by my true love not by some ogre and his his pet DONKEY Well so much for noble steed SHREK Youre not making my job any easier FIONA Im sorry but your job is not my problem You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly Ill be waiting for him right here SHREK Hey Im no ones messenger boy all right ominous Im a delivery boy he swiftly picks her up and swings her over his shoulder like she was a sack of potatoes FIONA You wouldnt dare Put me down SHREK Ya comin Donkey DONKEY Im right behind ya FIONA Put me down or you will suffer the consequences This is not dignified Put me down WOODS A little time has passed and Fiona has calmed down She just hangs there limply while Shrek carries her DONKEY Okay so heres another question Say theres a woman that digs you right but you dont really like her that way How do you let her down real easy so her feelings arent hurt but you dont get burned to a crisp and eaten FIONA You just tell her shes not your true love Everyone knows what happens when you find yourShrek drops her on the ground Hey The sooner we get to DuLoc the better DONKEY Youre gonna love it there Princess Its beautiful FIONA And what of my groomtobe Lord Farquaad Whats he like SHREK Let me put it this way Princess Men of Farquaads stature are in short supply he and Donkey laugh Shrek then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off the dust and grime DONKEY I dont know There are those who think little of him they laugh again Fiona Stop it Stop it both of you Youre just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad SHREK Yeah well maybe youre right Princess But Ill let you do the measuring when you see him tomorrow FIONA looks at the setting sun Tomorrow Itll take that long Shouldnt we stop to make camp SHREK No thatll take longer We can keep going FIONA But theres robbers in the woods DONKEY Whoa Time out Shrek Camp is starting to sound good SHREK Hey come on Im scarier than anything were going to see in this forest FIONA I need to find somewhere to camp now Both Donkey and Shreks ears lower as they shrink away from her MOUNTAIN CLIFF Shrek has found a cave that appears to be in good order He shoves a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave SHREK Hey Over here DONKEY Shrek we can do better than that I dont think this is fit for a princess FIONA No no its perfect It just needs a few homey touches SHREK Homey touches Like what he hears a tearing noise and looks over at Fiona who has torn the bark off of a tree FIONA A door Well gentlemen I bid thee good night goes into the cave and puts the bark door up behind her DONKEY You want me to read you a bedtime story I will FIONA os I said good night Shrek looks at Donkey for a second and then goes to move the boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Fiona still inside DONKEY Shrek What are you doing SHREK laughs I just You know Oh come on I was just kidding LATER THAT NIGHT Shrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire They are staring up into the sky as Shrek points out certain star constellations to Donkey SHREK And uh that one thats Throwback the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields DONKEY Right Yeah Hey can you tell my future from these stars SHREK The stars dont tell the future Donkey They tell stories Look theres Bloodnut the Flatulent You can guess what hes famous for DONKEY I know youre making this up SHREK No look There he is and theres the group of hunters running away from his stench DONKEY That aint nothin but a bunch of little dots SHREK You know Donkey sometimes things are more than they appear Hmm Forget it DONKEY heaves a big sigh Hey Shrek what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway SHREK Our swamp DONKEY You know when were through rescuing the princess SHREK We Donkey theres no we Theres no our Theres just me and my swamp The first thing Im gonna do is build a tenfoot wall around my land DONKEY You cut me deep Shrek You cut me real deep just now You know what I think I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out SHREK No do ya think DONKEY Are you hidin something SHREK Never mind Donkey DONKEY Oh this is another one of those onion things isnt it SHREK No this is one of those dropit and leaveit alone things DONKEY Why dont you want to talk about it SHREK Why do you want to talk about it DONKEY Why are you blocking SHREK Im not blocking DONKEY Oh yes you are SHREK Donkey Im warning you DONKEY Who you trying to keep out SHREK Everyone Okay DONKEY pause Oh now were gettin somewhere grins At this point Fiona pulls the door away from the entrance to the cave and peaks out Neither of the guys see her SHREK Oh For the love of Pete gets up and walks over to the edge of the cliff and sits down DONKEY Whats your problem What you got against the whole world anyway SHREK Look Im not the one with the problem okay Its the world that seems to have a problem with me People take one look at me and go Aah Help Run A big stupid ugly ogre They judge me before they even know me Thats why Im better off alone DONKEY You know what When we met I didnt think you was just a big stupid ugly ogre SHREK Yeah I know DONKEY So uh are there any donkeys up there SHREK Well theres um Gabby the Small and Annoying DONKEY Okay okay I see it now The big shiny one right there That one there Fiona puts the door back SHREK Thats the moon DONKEY Oh okay DuLoc Farquaads Bedroom The camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff Soft music plays in the background Farquaad is in bed watching as the Magic Mirror shows him Princess Fiona FARQUAAD Again show me again Mirror mirror show her to me Show me the princess MIRROR Hmph The Mirror rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning FARQUAAD Ah Perfect Farquaad looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up to cover himself as though Fiona could see him as he gazes sheepishly at her image in the mirror MORNING Fiona walks out of the cave She glances at Shrek and Donkey who are still sleeping She wanders off into the woods and comes across a blue bird She begins to sing The bird sings along with her She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles to keep up with her Suddenly the pressure of the note is too big and the bird explodes Fiona looks a little sheepish but she eyes the eggs that the bird left behind Time lapse Fiona is now cooking the eggs for breakfast Shrek and Donkey are still sleeping Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona Donkeys talking in his sleep DONKEY quietly Mmm yeah you know I like it like that Come on baby I said I like it SHREK Donkey wake up shakes him DONKEY Huh What SHREK Wake up DONKEY What stretches and yawns FIONA Good morning Hm how do you like your eggs DONKEY Oh good morning Princess Fiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them SHREK Whats all this about FIONA You know we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday I wanted to make it up to you I mean after all you did rescue me SHREK Uh thanks Donkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips FIONA Well eat up Weve got a big day ahead of us walks off LATER They are once again on their way They are walking through the forest Shrek belches DONKEY Shrek SHREK What Its a compliment Better out than in I always say laughs DONKEY Well its no way to behave in front of a princess Fiona belches FIONA Thanks DONKEY Shes as nasty as you are SHREK chuckles You know youre not exactly what I expected FIONA Well maybe you shouldnt judge people before you get to know them She smiles and then continues walking singing softly Suddenly from out of nowhere a man swings down and swoops Fiona up into a tree ROBIN HOOD La liberte Hey SHREK Princess FIONA to Robin Hood What are you doing ROBIN HOOD Be still mon cherie for I am you savior And I am rescuing you from this greenkisses up her arm while Fiona pulls back in disgustbeast SHREK Hey Thats my princess Go find you own ROBIN HOOD Please monster Cant you see Im a little busy here FIONA getting fed up Look pal I dont know who you think you are ROBIN HOOD Oh Of course Oh how rude Please let me introduce myself Oh Merry Men laughs Suddenly an accordion begins to play and the Merry men pop out from the bushes They begin to sing Robins theme song MERRY MEN Ta dah dah dah whoo ROBIN HOOD I steal from the rich and give to the needy MERRY MEN He takes a wee percentage ROBIN HOOD But Im not greedy I rescue pretty damsels man Im good MERRY MEN What a guy Monsieur Hood ROBIN HOOD Break it down I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid MERRY MEN What hes basically saying is he likes to get ROBIN HOOD Paid SoWhen an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush Thats bad MERRY MEN Thats bad ROBIN HOOD When a beautys with a beast it makes me awfully mad MERRY MEN Hes mad hes really really mad ROBIN HOOD Ill take my blade and ram it through your heart keep your eyes on me boys cause Im about to start There is a grunt as Fiona swings down from the tree limb and knocks Robin Hood unconscious FIONA Man that was annoying Shrek looks at her in admiration MERRY MAN Oh you little shoots an arrow at Fiona but she ducks out of the way The arrow flies toward Donkey who jumps into Shreks arms to get out of the way The arrow proceeds to just bounce off a tree Another fight sequence begins and Fiona gives a karate yell and then proceeds to beat the crap out of the Merry Men There is a very interesting Matrix moment here when Fiona pauses in midair to fix her hair Finally all of the Merry Men are down and Fiona begins walking away FIONA Uh shall we SHREK Hold the phone drops Donkey and begins walking after Fiona Oh Whoa whoa whoa Hold on now Where did that come from FIONA What SHREK That Back there That was amazing Where did you learn that FIONA Welllaughs when one lives alone uh one has to learn these things in case theres agasps and points theres an arrow in your butt SHREK What turns and looks Oh would you look at that he goes to pull it out but flinches because its tender FIONA Oh no This is all my fault Im so sorry DONKEY walking up Why Whats wrong FIONA Shreks hurt DONKEY Shreks hurt Shreks hurt Oh no Shreks gonna die SHREK Donkey Im okay DONKEY You cant do this to me Shrek Im too young for you to die Keep you legs elevated Turn your head and cough Does anyone know the Heimlich FIONA Donkey Calm down If you want to help Shrek run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns DONKEY Blue flower red thorns Okay Im on it Blue flower red thorns Dont die Shrek If you see a long tunnel stay away from the light SHREK FIONA Donkey DONKEY Oh yeah Right Blue flower red thorns runs off SHREK What are the flowers for FIONA like its obvious For getting rid of Donkey SHREK Ah FIONA Now you hold still and Ill yank this thing out gives the arrow a little pull SHREK jumps away Ow Hey Easy with the yankin As they continue to talk Fiona keeps going after the arrow and Shrek keeps dodging her hands FIONA Im sorry but it has to come out SHREK No its tender FIONA Now hold on SHREK What youre doing is the opposite of help FIONA Dont move SHREK Look time out FIONA Would yougrunts as Shrek puts his hand over her face to stop her from getting at the arrow Okay What do you propose we do ELSEWHERE Donkey is still looking for the special flower DONKEY Blue flower red thorns Blue flower red thorns Blue flower red thorns This would be so much easier if I wasnt colorblind Blue flower red thorns SHREK os Ow DONKEY Hold on Shrek Im comin rips a flower off a nearby bush that just happens to be a blue flower with red thorns THE FOREST PATH SHREK Ow Not good FIONA Okay Okay I can nearly see the head Shrek grunts as she pulls Its just about SHREK Ow Ohh he jerks and manages to fall over with Fiona on top of him DONKEY Ahem SHREK throwing Fiona off of him Nothing happend We were just uh DONKEY Look if you wanted to be alone all you had to do was ask Okay SHREK Oh come on Thats the last thing on my mind The princess here was just Fiona pulls the arrow out Ugh he turns to look at Fiona who holds up the arrow with a smile Ow DONKEY Hey whats that nervous chuckle Thatsis that blood Donkey faints Shrek walks over and picks him up as they continue on their way There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc Shrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a small brook so that Fiona wont get wet Shrek then gets up as Donkey is just about to cross the tree and the tree swings back into its upright position and Donkey flies off Shrek swatting and a bunch of flies and mosquitoes Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb thats on a tree branch and runs through the field swinging it around to catch the bugs She then hands it to Shrek who begins eating like its a treat As he walks off she licks her fingers Shrek catching a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presenting it to Fiona Fiona catching a snake blowing it up fashioning it into a balloon animal and presenting it to Shrek The group arriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc WINDMILL SHREK There it is Princess Your future awaits you FIONA Thats DuLoc DONKEY Yeah I know You know Shrek thinks Lord Farquaads compensating for something which I think means he has a reallyShrek steps on his hoof Ow SHREK Um I uh I guess we better move on FIONA Sure But Shrek Im Im worried about Donkey SHREK What FIONA I mean look at him He doesnt look so good DONKEY What are you talking about Im fine FIONA kneels to look him in the eyes Thats what they always say and then next thing you know youre on your back pause Dead SHREK You know shes right You look awful Do you want to sit down FIONA Uh you know Ill make you some tea DONKEY I didnt want to say nothin but I got this twinge in my neck and when I turn my head like this look turns his neck in a very sharp way until his head is completely sideways Ow See SHREK Whos hungry Ill find us some dinner FIONA Ill get the firewood DONKEY Hey where you goin Oh man I cant feel my toes looks down and yelps I dont have any toes I think I need a hug SUNSET Shrek has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while Fiona eats FIONA Mmm This is good This is really good What is this SHREK Uh weed rat Rotisserie style FIONA No kidding Well this is delicious SHREK Well theyre also great in stews Now I dont mean to brag but I make a mean weed rat stew chuckles Fiona looks at DuLoc and sighs FIONA I guess Ill be dining a little differently tomorrow night SHREK Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime Ill cook all kind of stuff for you Swamp toad soup fish eye tartare you name it FIONA smiles Id like that They smiles at each other SHREK Um Princess FIONA Yes Shrek SHREK I um I was wonderingare yousighs Are you gonna eat that DONKEY chuckles Man isnt this romantic Just look at that sunset FIONA jumps up Sunset Oh no I mean its late IIts very late SHREK What DONKEY Wait a minute I see whats goin on here Youre afraid of the dark arent you FIONA Yes Yes thats it Im terrified You know Id better go inside DONKEY Dont feel bad Princess I used to be afraid of the dark too until Hey no wait Im still afraid of the dark Shrek sighs FIONA Good night SHREK Good night Fiona goes inside the windmill and closes the door Donkey looks at Shrek with a new eye DONKEY Ohh Now I really see whats goin on here SHREK Oh what are you talkin about DONKEY I dont even wanna hear it Look Im an animal and I got instincts And I know you two were diggin on each other I could feel it SHREK Youre crazy Im just bringing her back to Farquaad DONKEY Oh come on Shrek Wake up and smell the pheromones Just go on in and tell her how you feel SHREK I Theres nothing to tell Besides even if I did tell her that well you know and Im not sayin I do cause I dont shes a princess and Im DONKEY An ogre SHREK Yeah An ogre DONKEY Hey where you goin SHREK To get move firewood sighs Donkey looks over at the large pile of firewood there already is TIME LAPSE Donkey opens the door to the Windmill and walks in Fiona is nowhere to be seen DONKEY Princess Princess Fiona Princess where are you Princess Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows but we cant see her DONKEY Its very spooky in here I aint playing no games Suddenly Fiona falls from the railing She gets up only she doesnt look like herself She looks like an ogre and Donkey starts freaking out DONKEY Aah FIONA Oh no DONKEY No help FIONA Shh DONKEY Shrek Shrek Shrek FIONA No its okay Its okay DONKEY What did you do with the princess FIONA Donkey Im the princess DONKEY Aah FIONA Its me in this body DONKEY Oh my God You ate the princess to her stomach Can you hear me FIONA Donkey DONKEY still aimed at her stomach Listen keep breathing Ill get you out of there FIONA No DONKEY Shrek Shrek Shrek FIONA Shh DONKEY Shrek FIONA This is me Donkey looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle and he quiets down DONKEY Princess What happened to you Youre uh uh uh different FIONA Im ugly okay DONKEY Well yeah Was it something you ate Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea You are what you eat I said Now FIONA No I Ive been this way as long as I can remember DONKEY What do you mean Look I aint never seen you like this before FIONA It only happens when sun goes down By night one way by day another This shall be the norm until you find true loves first kiss and then take loves true form DONKEY Ah thats beautiful I didnt know you wrote poetry FIONA Its a spell sigh When I was a little girl a witch cast a spell on me Every night I become this This horrible ugly beast I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me Thats why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this begins to cry DONKEY All right all right Calm down Look its not that bad Youre not that ugly Well I aint gonna lie You are ugly But you only look like this at night Shreks ugly 247 FIONA But Donkey Im a princess and this is not how a princess is meant to look DONKEY Princess how bout if you dont marry Farquaad FIONA I have to Only my true loves kiss can break the spell DONKEY But you know um youre kind of an orge and Shrek well you got a lot in common FIONA Shrek OUTSIDE Shrek is walking towards the windmill with a sunflower in his hand SHREK to himself Princess I Uh hows it going first of all Good Um good for me too Im okay I saw this flower and thought of you because its pretty and well I dont really like it but I thought you might like it cause youre pretty But I like you anyway Id uh uhsighs Im in trouble Okay here we go He walks up to the door and pauses outside when he hears Donkey and Fiona talking FIONA os I cant just marry whoever I want Take a good look at me Donkey I mean really who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly Princess and ugly dont go together Thats why I cant stay here with Shrek Shrek steps back in shock FIONA os My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love Shrek heaves a deep sigh He throws the flower down and walks away INSIDE FIONA Dont you see Donkey Thats just how it has to be Its the only way to break the spell DONKEY You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth FIONA No You cant breathe a word No one must ever know DONKEY Whats the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets FIONA Promise you wont tell Promise DONKEY All right all right I wont tell him But you should goes outside I just know before this is over Im gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy Look at my eye twitchin Fiona comes out the door and watches him walk away She looks down and spots the sunflower She picks it up before going back inside the windmill MORNING Donkey is asleep Shrek is nowhere to be seen Fiona is still awake She is plucking petals from the sunflower FIONA I tell him I tell him not I tell him I tell him not I tell him she quickly runs to the door and goes outside Shrek Shrek theres something I wantshe looks and sees the rising sun and as the sun crests the sky she turns back into a human Just as she looks back at the sun she sees Shrek stomping towards her FIONA Shrek Are you all right SHREK Perfect Never been better FIONA I I dont Theres something I have to tell you SHREK You dont have to tell me anything Princess I heard enough last night FIONA You heard what I said SHREK Every word FIONA I thought youd understand SHREK Oh I understand Like you said Who could love a hideous ugly beast FIONA But I thought that wouldnt matter to you SHREK Yeah Well it does Fiona looks at him in shock He looks past her and spots a group approaching Ah right on time Princess Ive brought you a little something Farquaad has arrived with a group of his men He looks very regal sitting up on his horse You would never guess that hes only like 3 feet tall Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers march by DONKEY Whatd I miss Whatd I miss spots the soldiers muffled Who said that Couldnt have been the donkey FARQUAAD Princess Fiona SHREK As promised Now hand it over FARQUAAD Very well ogre holds out a piece of paper The deed to your swamp cleared out as agreed Take it and go before I change my mind Shrek takes the paper Forgive me Princess for startling you but you startled me for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before Im Lord Farquaad FIONA Lord Farquaad Oh no no Farquaad snaps his fingers Forgive me my lord for I was just saying a short Watches as Farquaad is lifted off his horse and set down in front of her He comes to her waist farewell FARQUAAD Oh that is so sweet You dont have to waste good manners on the ogre Its not like it has feelings FIONA No youre right It doesnt Donkey watches this exchange with a curious look on his face FARQUAAD Princess Fiona beautiful fair flawless Fiona I ask your hand in marriage Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom FIONA Lord Farquaad I accept Nothing would make FARQUAAD interrupting Excellent Ill start the plans for tomorrow we wed FIONA No I mean uh why wait Lets get married today before the sun sets FARQUAAD Oh anxious are you Youre right The sooner the better Theres so much to do Theres the caterer the cake the band the guest list Captain round up some guests a guard puts Fiona on the back of his horse FIONA Faretheewell ogre Farquaads whole party begins to head back to DuLoc Donkey watches them go DONKEY Shrek what are you doing Youre letting her get away SHREK Yeah So what DONKEY Shrek theres something about her you dont know Look I talked to her last night Shes SHREK I know you talked to her last night Youre great pals arent ya Now if you two are such good friends why dont you follow her home DONKEY Shrek I I wanna go with you SHREK I told you didnt I Youre not coming home with me I live alone My swamp Me Nobody else Understand Nobody Especially useless pathetic annoying talking donkeys DONKEY But I thought SHREK Yeah You know what You thought wrong stomps off DONKEY Shrek Montage of different scenes Shrek arriving back home Fiona being fitted for the wedding dress Donkey at a stream running into the dragon Shrek cleaning up his house Fiona eating dinner alone Shrek eating dinner alone SHREKS HOME Shrek is eating dinner when he hears a sound outside He goes outside to investigate SHREK Donkey Donkey ignores him and continues with what hes doing What are you doing DONKEY I would think of all people you would recognize a wall when you see one SHREK Well yeah But the walls supposed to go around my swamp not through it DONKEY It is around your half See thats your half and this is my half SHREK Oh Your half Hmm DONKEY Yes my half I helped rescue the princess I did half the work I get half the booty Now hand me that big old rock the one that looks like your head SHREK Back off DONKEY No you back off SHREK This is my swamp DONKEY Our swamp SHREK grabs the tree branch Donkey is working with Let go Donkey DONKEY You let go SHREK Stubborn jackass DONKEY Smelly ogre SHREK Fine drops the tree branch and walks away DONKEY Hey hey come back here Im not through with you yet SHREK Well Im through with you DONKEY Uhuh You know with you its always Me me me Well guess what Now its my turn So you just shut up and pay attention You are mean to me You insult me and you dont appreciate anything that I do Youre always pushing me around or pushing me away SHREK Oh yeah Well if I treated you so bad how come you came back DONKEY Because thats what friends do They forgive each other SHREK Oh yeah Youre right Donkey I forgive you for stabbin me in the back goes into the outhouse and slams the door DONKEY Ohh Youre so wrapped up in layers onion boy youre afraid of your own feelings SHREK os Go away DONKEY There you are doing it again just like you did to Fiona All she ever do was like you maybe even love you SHREK os Love me She said I was ugly a hideous creature I heard the two of you talking DONKEY She wasnt talkin about you She was talkin about uh somebody else SHREK opens the door and comes out She wasnt talking about me Well then who was she talking about DONKEY Uhuh no way I aint saying anything You dont wanna listen to me Right Right SHREK Donkey DONKEY No SHREK Okay look Im sorry all right sigh Im sorry I guess I am just a big stupid ugly ogre Can you forgive me DONKEY Hey thats what friends are for right SHREK Right Friends DONKEY Friends SHREK So um what did Fiona say about me DONKEY What are you asking me for Why dont you just go ask her SHREK The wedding Well never make it in time DONKEY Hahaha Never fear for where theres a will theres a way and I have a way whistles Suddenly the dragon arrives overhead and flies low enough so they can climb on SHREK Donkey DONKEY I guess its just my animal magnetism They both laugh SHREK Aw come here you gives Donkey a noogie DONKEY All right all right Dont get all slobbery No one likes a kiss ass All right hop on and hold on tight I havent had a chance to install the seat belts yet They climb aboard the dragon and she takes off for DuLoc DULOC CHURCH Fiona and Farquaad are getting married The whole town is there The prompter card guy holds up a card that says Revered Silence PRIEST People of DuLoc we gather here today to bear witness to the union FIONA eyeing the setting sun Um PRIEST of our new king FIONA Excuse me Could we just skip ahead to the I dos FARQUAAD chuckles and then motions to the priest to indulge Fiona Go on COURTYARD Some guards are milling around Suddenly the dragon lands with a boom The guards all take off running DONKEY to Dragon Go ahead HAVE SOME FUN If we need you Ill whistle How about that she nods and goes after the guards Shrek wait wait Wait a minute You wanna do this right dont you SHREK at the Church door What are you talking about DONKEY Theres a line you gotta wait for The preachers gonna say Speak now or forever hold your peace Thats when you say I object SHREK I dont have time for this DONKEY Hey wait What are you doing Listen to me Look you love this woman dont you SHREK Yes DONKEY You wanna hold her SHREK Yes DONKEY Please her SHREK Yes DONKEY singing James Brown style Then you got to got to try a little tenderness normal The chicks love that romantic crap SHREK All right Cut it out When does this guy say the line DONKEY We gotta check it out INSIDE CHURCH As the priest talks we see Donkeys shadow through one of the windows Shrek tosses him up so he can see PRIEST And so by the power vested in me Outside SHREK What do you see DONKEY The whole towns in there Inside PRIEST I now pronounce you husband and wife Outside DONKEY Theyre at the altar Inside PRIEST king and queen Outside DONKEY Mother Fletcher He already said it SHREK Oh for the love of Pete He runs inside without catching Donkey who hits the ground hard INSIDE CHURCH SHREK running toward the alter I object FIONA Shrek The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek FARQUAAD Oh now what does he want SHREK to congregation as he reaches the front of the Church Hi everyone Havin a good time are ya I love DuLoc first of all Very clean FIONA What are you doing here SHREK Really its rude enough being alive when no one wants you but showing up uninvited to a wedding SHREK Fiona I need to talk to you FIONA Oh now you wanna talk Its a little late for that so if youll excuse me SHREK But you cant marry him FIONA And why not SHREK Because Because hes just marring you so he can be king FARQUAAD Outrageous Fiona dont listen to him SHREK Hes not your true love FIONA And what do you know about true love SHREK Well I Uh I mean FARQUAAD Oh this is precious The ogee has fallen in love with the princess Oh good Lord laughs The prompter card guy holds up a card that says Laugh The whole congregation laughs FARQUAAD An ogre and a princess FIONA Shrek is this true FARQUAAD Who cares Its preposterous Fiona my love were but a kiss away from our happily ever after Now kiss me puckers his lips and leans toward her but she pulls back FIONA looking at the setting sun By night one way by day another to Shrek I wanted to show you before She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self She gives Shrek a sheepish smile SHREK Well uh that explains a lot Fiona smiles FARQUAAD Ugh Its disgusting Guards Guards I order you to get that out of my sight now Get them Get them both The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek Shrek fights them SHREK No no FIONA Shrek FARQUAAD This hocuspocus alters nothing This marriage is binding and that makes me king See See FIONA No let go of me Shrek SHREK No FARQUAAD Dont just stand there you morons SHREK Get out of my way Fiona Arrgh FARQUAAD Ill make you regret the day we met Ill see you drawn and quartered Youll beg for death to save you FIONA No Shrek FARQUAAD hold a dagger to Fionas throat And as for you my wife SHREK Fiona FARQUAAD Ill have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days Im king Shrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles FARQUAAD I will have order I will have perfection I will have Donkey and the dragon show up and the dragon leans down and eats Farquaad Aaaah Aah DONKEY All right Nobody move I got a dragon here and Im not afraid to use it The dragon roars Im a donkey on the edge The dragon belches and Farquaads crown flies out of her mouth and falls to the ground DONKEY Celebrity marriages They never last do they The congregation cheers DONKEY Go ahead Shrek SHREK Uh Fiona FIONA Yes Shrek SHREK I I love you FIONA Really SHREK Really really FIONA smiles I love you too Shrek and Fiona kiss Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes Awwww on the back and then shows it to the congregation CONGREGATION Aawww Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away Shes lifted up into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around her WHISPERS Until you find true loves first kiss and then take loves true form Take loves true form Take loves true form Suddenly Fionas eyes open wide Shes consumed by the spell and then is slowly lowered to the ground SHREK going over to her Fiona Fiona Are you all right FIONA standing up shes still an ogre Well yes But I dont understand Im supposed to be beautiful SHREK But you ARE beautiful They smile at each other DONKEY chuckles I was hoping this would be a happy ending Shrek and Fiona kissand the kiss fades into THE SWAMP their wedding kiss Shrek and Fiona are now married Im a Believer by Smashmouth is played in the background Shrek and Fiona break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting carriage Which is made of a giant onion Fiona tosses her bouquet which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch But they end up getting into a cat fight and so the dragon catches the bouquet instead The Gingerbread man has been mended somewhat and now has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane Shrek and Fiona walk off as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over singing the song GINGERBREAD MAN God bless us every one DONKEY as hes done singing and we fade to black Oh thats funny Oh Oh I cant breathe I cant breathe THE END - -INF
4. A PICKLE FOR THE KNOWING ONES To mankind at Large the time is Com at Last the grat day of Regoising what is that why I will tell you thous three kings is Rased Rased you meane should know Rased on the first Royal Arch in the world olmost Not quite but very hiw up upon so thay are good mark to be scene so the womans Lik to see the frount and all people Loves to see them as the quakers will Com and peape slyly and feele glad and say houe the doue frind father Jorge washeton is in the senter king Addoms is at the Rite hand the present king at the Left hand father gorge with his hat on the other hats of the middel king with his sword king Addoms with his Cane in a grand poster Adtetoude turning his fass towards the first king as if they was on sum politicks king our present king he is stands hearing being younger and very deafe in short being one grat felosfer Looks well East west and North south deafe very deafe the god of Natur has dun very much for our present king and all our former ones they are all good I want them to Live for Ever and I beleave thay will it is hard work to be A king—I say it is hardar than tilling the ground I know it is for I find it is hard work to be A Lord I dont desier the sound but to pleas the peopel at Large Let it gou to brak the way it dus for Asort ment to help a good Lafe to Cour the sick spleney goutey dul frames Lik my selfe with the goute and so on make merry a Chealy Christen is for me only be onnest No matter what they worshep son moune or stars or there wife or miss if onnest Live forever 8money wont gitt thous figers so fast as I wish I have sent to Leg horn for many mr bourr is one Amonks others I sent in the grand Crecham thous 3 kings Are plane white colow at present the Royal Arch figers cost 39 pound wate silver the hiest Councaton order in the world so it is sade by the knowing one I have only 4 Lions 1 Lam up the spred Eagel has bin up 3 years upon the Coupelay I have 13 billors front in strat Row for 13 states when we begun 3 in the Rear 15 foot hie 4 more on the grass see 2 the same hath at the Rite of the grand Arch 2 at the left wing 15 foot hie the Arch 17 foot hie the my hous is 3 sorey upwards of 290 feet round the hous Nater has formed the ground Eaquel to what you would wish for the Art by man Eaquel to a Solomun the onerabel Jonathan Jackson one of the first in this Country for tast borne A grat man by Nater then the best Lurning what sot me fored for my plan having so gran spot the hool of the world Cant Excead this to thous that dont know would think I was Like halfe the world A Lier I have traveled good deale but old steady men sayeth it is the first that it is the first best in this Contry others Contrey I tell you this the trouth that None of you grat men wodent be A frunted at my preseadens I spare Now Cost in the work I have the tempel of Reason in my garding 3 years past with a toume under it on the Eage of the grass see it cost 98 gineys besides the Coffen panted whit in side and out side tuched with green Nobel trimings uncommon Lock so I can tak the kee in side and haye fier works in the toume pipes and tobacker A speaking trumpet and bibel to Read sum good songs What is a presedent answer A king bonne partey the grate has as much power as A king and ort to have it is a massey he has for the good of mankind he has as much power as Any king for grat ways back there must be A head sum whare or the peopel is Lost Lik wild gees when thay Lous the gander two Leged want A head if fore Leged both 2 Leged fouls the Name of presedent is to pleas the peopel at Large the sound souts best Now in the south give way to the North the North give way to the south or by by you will brake what falers be wise on keep the Links to gether and if you cant A gree Consoalated to A kingly power for you must keep together at the wost hear it Labers ye les see there is so many men wants be the all offesers Now sogers poor king Every day wants A bone sum more then others the king cant Live without the feald wee have had our turne grat good father Addoms 9turne turne About Rest Easey you all will be pleased with the present king give time all did I say Now but the magor part fore fifths at least TIMOTHY DEXTER Frinds hear me 2 granadears goss up in 20 days fourder frinds I will tell the A tipe of man kind what is that 35 or 36 years gone A town caled Noubry all won the Younited states Noubry peopel kept to gether quiet till the Larned groed strong the farmers was 12 out of 20 thay wanted to have the offesers in the Contry the Eaned in the see port wanted to have them there geering A Rose groued warme fite thay wood in Law thay went the Jnrel Cort to be sot of finely thay go there Eands Answered the see port caled Newbury Port 600 Eakers of Land out of thirty thousand Eakers of good Land so much for mad peopel of Larning makes them mad if thay had kept to gether they wood have bin the sekent town in this stat A bout halfe of boston Now men mad to be in offess it hurts the peopel ot Large Like Carying the Innegent Lam to the slarter Now it would done to dewide the North from the south all won what I have Leade down but now keep to gether it is Like man and wife in troue Love Now guving death in the grander you will sous the glory I say keep to gether dont brak the Chane Renoue brotherle Love Never fade Like my box in my garding be one grat familey give way to one A Nother thous changes is the tide hie warter Loue warte hie tids Loue tids for my part I have Liked all the kings all three all our broken marchants cant have beaths of proffett gone and till the ground goue to work is all that has bin to Coleage goue with slipers and promis to pay and Never pay only with A Lye I gess 4 fifths is Coleage Lant or devel Lant or pretended to be onnest free masions but are to the Contrey for give me for gessing I hope it is Not so the Leaned is for Leovs Littel fishes moses was but A man and Aaron thay had sum devel like my selfe man is the same give him power I say the Cloak Cukement maters the worst of cheats we hant got ony N Port wee are Noted to be the first in the North sabed Day is Not halfe A Nuf Night meatens it maks work for the Docters and Nuses Caaching Could but them Lives breed fast to mak up for them that dies poor creaters I pittey them so preast Riden it is wickard to leave poor sols in to the grave all our minesters are imported Very good men foull of Love of Crist I kep them A mit Amen at present 10 The yong man that doth most all my Carving his work is much Liked by our grat men I felt founney one day I thort I would ask sade young man whare he was bone he sade Now whare what is all that Now whare was your mother over shaderd I says my mother was if I was to gess No I tell in Now town borne o on the water I says you beat me and so wee Lafed and it shuk of the spleane shoue him A Crows Neast he can carve one A fine fellow—I shold had all marbel if any bodey could to me the prise so I have sent for 8 busts for kings and grat men and 1 Lion 2 gray hounds I hope to hear in foue Days to all onnest men TIMOTHY DEXTER mister printter I must goue sum fourder I have got one good pen my fortin has bin hard very hard that is I have hard Noks on my head 4 difrent times from A boy to this Day twice taken up for dead two beating was a Lawyer then he was mad be Case the peopel at Large Declared me Lord Dexter king of Chester this at my Contrey seet 26 mils from N Port my plase there is the fist from solt water to Canedy——this Lawyer that broused me was Judg Livermore son Arther the same Creater borid 200 dolors sum monts be fore this then Oaded me he beat his bene factter it has bin my Luck to be yoused ten times wos by them I doue the most for I have Lost first and Last as much as A tun of silver grose my wife that was had 400 wut of silver Abraham bishup that married my dafter ten years gone him shee sence then my son Samuel L Dexter upwards of seventeene thousand Dolors the Rest by hamsher Col by Rougs has gokbey sekkent handed preasts Deakens gruntters whimers Every foue minnets A sith or Christ wee must be Leave in Crist o o Jeases will save us I thinks sum times the saving solt smoak solt peater will in time be very dear if it is yous the more smoak or the preasts will be out of work Littel Like fister france I Lade out A blan to have holerdays one Day in ten 24 years gone I thort it would save the Natision grat Deale of money sir in one sentrey then the preasts wood have time to studdery then hamer Down smartly make the sulffer smoak in their Nostils under the Cloak of bread wine the hipecricks Cloven foots thay Doue it to get power to Lie and Not be mistruested all wars mostly by the suf the broken marchents are fond of war for thay hant Nothing to Lous the minesters in all wars the Case o god Leave the Divel out when it is all Divel If you can 11bare the trouth I will tell the trouth man is the best Annemel and the worst all men are more or less the Divel but there is sit of ods sum halfe sum three qurters the other part beast of Difrent kind of beasts sum one thing and sum a Nother sum Like a Dog sum Lik horses sum bare sum Cat sum Lion sum lik ouls sum a monkey sum wild Cat sum Lam sum A Dove sum a hogg sum a oxe sum a snake I want Desepons to be Dun A way but thay wont Never be as Long os prist Riden what Doue the preast prech to the Divel for all there hearaes old youn more or Less the Divel I Liked to sade so Divel preaches to Divels Rebouking sin keep it up up up sayeth the hipacrits mockers of god habits an Costom is the ods ods maks the diffrence I sees god in all plases the god of Nater in all things wee Live and move in god he is the god of Nateer all Nater is god take one Ellement from us one of the fore take the fier or the water or or Eare or Earth wee are gone so wee Live in god Now Less us all be good children doue all things Rite the strong must bare the Infremiteys of the wicked shildren keep up tite Laws Draw the Ranes Littel harder stop theavs as fast as you can bad trade sheuuing Nine Numbers was Rot in 23 owers when I had hold of the pen five owers 35 minnets A sort ment A sort ment is good in A shop———— The preasts fixes there goods six days then thay open shop on sundays to sell there goods sum sets them of better than others bolerhed when a man is so week he wont doue for A Lawyer mak a preast of him for week thing to goue with week things the blind to Lead the blind so thay may fall into one Dich and so thay goue throue the world darkiness but foue peopel have A pinion of there one Not one in twenty as to this world goods and so it is as to the other world to Inquire the way goue to a fryer our peopel A bout the same thing only call it sumthing Else in Rum of a king call it presedent but preasts have money to save sols I want to know what a sole is I wish to see one Not a gizard I thinks the sole is the thinking part there is grat minds Littel minds grat sols Littel sols grat minds littel minds According to the hevdey boddeys that has the power of our boddeys the same mother and the same father and six children how thay will differ in Looks complexions and axons sum for grat thing sum for littel things sumthing Nouw I say I say my figers will pay Intress money prove it first going over my brige sum more tole then helping the markett of the town Leeting hoses tavern keepers costom the honner to the town my self TIMOTHY DEXTER 12 one thing fourder I have bin convarted upwards 30 years quite Resined for the day the grat day I wish the preast Node as much as I think I doue there harts would Leap up to glory to be so Reader for the time of Rejoisng to goue to goue to be maried to what a fine widow with hur lamp bourning the Lamps trimed with glorey the shaking quickers after thay git convarted and there sins washed A way thay stay at home Let theus goue unclene and so it is much so with me I stay at home praying for theavs and Rougs to be saved Day and Night praying for siners poour creaters my hous keeper is in the dark was then bad Crasey to be saved shee says shee has sind against the holey gost I have Asked her what is shee says it is sumthing but cant find out way sends for the preast coms what is the mater gost gost Dear sir the minester makes a prayer the gost went of mostly not all part stayed behind shee has bin Crasey Ever sence the prest cant Lay the sepont houe many Nick Names three things have so sayeth the preacher Amen Amen see fath I du Noue mister printer sir I was at Noue haven 7 years and seven monts past at commencent Degrees going on 40 boys was tuck degrees to doue good or Not good the ole man with the hat on told them to suddey houeman Nater walk as A band of brothers from that day I thort that all thous that was baot up to Coleage the meaning was to git there Liveing out of the Labeer If the Coleages was to continer one sentrey keep up the game recken the cost of All from there cradel to 22 years old all there fathers and gurd inands to Lay out one houndred years intress intress upon intress atress gess at it cast it see houe many houndred thousand millons of Dolors it would Com to to mad Rougs and theavs to plunder the Labering man that sweats to git his bread good common Laning is the best sum good books is best well under stoud be onnest dont be preast Riden it is a cheat all be onnest in all things Now feare Let this goue as you find it my way speling houe is the strangest man T DEXTER fourder mister for A minester to git the tone is a grat pint when I lived in hamsher one Noue Lit babstis babler sobed A way just fineshing his sermon he says o good Lord I hop you will consider 13what foue hints I have given and I will cleare it up sum time hence I am much wore down now the wether being very worme to day Less bray so went on fire fire brimstone grunting fithing and tried to cry snufel blow the sconks horne sum the old souls yong fouls sot to crying I tuck my hat and went out houe mankind women kind is imposed upon all over the world more or less by preast craft o for shame o for shame I pittey them be onnest doue as you would wish others to doue unto you in all things Now fear of Death Amen T Dr fourder what difrent wous wee have of this world the other world two good women Lived in A town whare I once lived one was sick of a consumson Near Death both belonged to the Church very onnest only the well woman was week in wous thing says unto the sik woman I thinks you will see my housbon doue tell him I and my son A greus very well and wee are all well and the sow is piged and got seaven prittey pigs and fare you well sister this I beleave is serting troue so fare the well—I shall com A gane in Littel while and fourdermore I am for sum foue Decephons but very foue fouer then Deathe preast craft is very good for what to make old women gront and yong children cry and old fouls fling snort o yes and brak up farimeys Doun by untrouths Lying and swaring to A Lye stop I am a Live old me I have heard your wickard stuff you have ingerd my frinds a plenty and if you dont stop I will call forth one Abraham bishup to put Niklos and all that trys to keep up Lying if there should be any such stuf in the Land Church members pant to be fonnd of Desepchon thay are perfect but if there is any put them with the tufe bourne the Roubege pise on it or that feare Not wind or filth go by the Rackel breed and wos then tourd I Like to sade Now shite stink strong bread wine master botill houe is the boull a black man a frind to John mekel jentel man from A Crows Nest Whare Now where ass Cole cole ass whare whare Now whare o yefs sum whare deare oilen Now the Ingons Lived there onle that Cant be he was from hell whare his or was brother came from oyes oyess o yess a Crows Neast or orgen pouler Down 14 FROM THE MUSEUM OF TIMOTHY DEXTER ESQ Ime the first Lord in the younited States of A mercary Now of Newburyport it is the voise of the peopel and I cant Help it and so Let it goue Now as I must be Lord there will foler many more Lords prittey soune for it Dont hurt A Cat Nor the mouse Nor the son Nor the water Nor the Eare then goue on all in Easey Now bons broaken all is well all in Love Now I be gin to Lay the Corner ston with grat Remembrence of my father Jorge Washington the grate herow 17 sentreys past before we found so good A father to his children and Now gone to Rest Now to shoue my Love to my father and grate Carieters I will shoue the world one of the grate Wonders of the world in 15 months if Now man mourders me in Dors or out Dors such A mouserum on Earth will annonce O Lord thou knowest to be troue fourder hear me good Lord I am A goueing to Let or shildren know Now to see good Lord what has bin in the world grat wase back to own fore fathers Not old plimeth but stop to Addom Eve to shoue 45 figers two Leged and fore Leged becose we Cant Doue well without fore Legd in the first plase they are our foude in the Next plase to make out Dexters mouseum I wants 4 Lions to defend thous grat and mistry men from East to wist from North to South which Now are at the plases Rased the Lam is Not Readey in short meater if Agreabel I forme A good and peasabel govement on my Land in Newburyport Compleat I take 3 presedents hamsher govener all to Noue York and the grate mister John Jay is one that maks 2 in that state the king of grat britton mister pitt Roufus King Cros over to france Loues the 16 and then the grate bonnepartey the grate and there segnetoure Crow biddey—I Command pease and the gratest brotherly Love and Not fade be Linked to gether with that best of troue Love so as to govern all nasions on the fass of the gloub not to tiranize over them but to put them to order if any Despout shall A Rise as to boundreys or Any maturs of Importence it is Left france and grat britton and Amacarey to be setteled A Congress to be always in france all Despouts is to be thare seteled and this may be Dun this will balless powers and then all wars Dun A way there 15fore I have the Lam to lay Dow with the Lion Now this may be Dun if thos three powers would A geray to Lay what is called Devel one side and Not Carry the gentelman pack hors Any longer but shake him off as dust on your feet and Laff at him there is a grate noise aboute a toue Leged Creter he says I am going to set sade black Divel there stop he would scare the womans so there would be No youse for the bilding I should have to E rect sum Noue won Now I stop hear I puts the Devil Long with the bull for he is a bulling 2 Leged Annemal stop put him one side Near Soloman Looking with Soloman to Ladey venus Now stop wind up there is grat ods in froute I will Let you know the sekret houe you may see the Devel stand on your head before a Loucking glass and take a bibel in to your bousom fast 40 owers and look in the loucking glass there is no Devilif you dont see the ould fellow but I affirm you will see that ould Devel Unto you all mankind Com to my hous to mock and sneare whi ye Dont you Lafe be fore god or I meane your betters think the heir power Dont know thorts and Axsions Now I will tell you good and bad it is Not pelite to Com to see what the bare walls keep of my ground if you are gentel men you would stay Away when all is Dun in marble I expect to goue out myself to Help if thous grat men will send on there Likeness all over the younited States I wish all the printers to give Notis if pleases to in form by printen in the Nouspapers for the good of the holl of man kind——— I waus to make my Enemys grin in time Lik A Cat over a hot puding and goue Away and hang there heads Doun Like a Dogg bin After sheep gilty stop see I am Afrade I Rite toue hash my peopel Complane of backker spittel maks work to Cleane it up——in the women skouls A bout it spit in ther hankershif or not spit A tall I must say sumthing or I should say Nothing therefore make sum Noise in the world when I git so ouely to Nash my goms and grising for water and that is salt water when brot A yong Devel to bring it and A Scoyer to wate and tend on gentelmen A black Suier his breth Smelt wos then bram stone by far but Let the Devel goue in to Darknes an takeld his due to Descare mankind for A Littel while this Cloven foot is seen be sum but the trap will over hall the Devel in tim I pittey this poore black man I thinc his master wants purging a Littel to har ber mr Devel A most but I did Not say Let him Run A way good Nit mr Devel Cary the sword and mwney with you tak John mekel Jentel man good Not T DEXTER 16 THIS COMETH GREETING mister printers the Igrent or the Nowing wons says I ort to Doue as thay doue to keep up Cheats or the same thing Desephons to Deseave the Igrent so wee may Cheat and Likewise have wars and plunder my wish is all Liers may have there part of fier and brimstone in this world or at least sum part of it or Else the gouement is Not good it will want pourging soone if A Lawyer is to way Lay a man and brouse him unmassely All most to Death A sitteson that pays twentey fore Dolors for Careags and not more then one Dolor A week to ment the hiways and my being Libperel is in part of this bloddey Afare No sauage would beat a man as I was beaten almost to Death I Did not know houe these men Came to keep sade Lawyer from quit killing of me till sum time After three men saw the Axon of the blodey seene without massey and carried sade Dexter in to the house sun fanting or Neare to se and behold the orful site bleading and blind of one Eye twoue brousings in two hours at Least Now Laws in this part of the world for A man of money to Live those I lend money to and A Lawyer and others thay youse me the wost it maks Inemys then these Rogs if there is Any that call me A soull and pick a Qualrel with me A bout my Nous papers so as to pay the Lawyer Craft to make up the molton Calf A molton Calfe Not an Ox Now the town of Chester has Lost two Hundred wate of Siver at Least I beleuv more money Now thay may have me in the town or A Lawyer Chouse for yourselves my frinds and felow mortels pease be with you All A men selagh finely brethren sum thing more Coming—— Chester Sept 29 1796 TIMOTHY DEXTER For the Impartial Herald Messrs Blunt March I say to whom it may concern—to the majesty of the people of Newburyport Greeting— It costs Eight hundred Dollars a year to support a watch in this town and yer gentlemens windows are broken fences pulled down and Cellars broken open and much other misdemeanors done at night Are the watch asleep or are they afraid to detect those who are guilty of such practises Boast not of it if you call this Liberty and Equality Newburyport has had the name of being 17a very civil worthy place it is a great pity some bad boys or young men should disgrace it I hope our worthy and honorable rulers will bring those rude lads to see themselves and lick the dust like serpents and ask forgiveness of their betters and do so no more but repent and live Now fellow citizens is it wisdom is it policy to use a man or men so shocking bad as to oblige them to leave the town where they paid one Dollar a day to support government A friend to good order honor to whom it belongs—to great men a friend—to all good citizens and honest men good bye Whereas many philosophers has judged or guessed at many things about this world and so on Now I suppose I may guess as it is guessing times I guess the world is one very large living creature and always was and always will be without any end from everlasting to everlasting and no end What grows on this large creature is trees and many other things In the room of hair the rocks is moulds This is called land where the hair grows the belly the sea—all kinds of fish is the worms in the belly This large body wants dressing to get our living of this creature and by industry we get a living—we and all the animal creation is less than fleas in comparison on the back or belly of this very large immense body Among the hairs to work this great body is that of nature past finding out—All we know is we are here we come into the world crying and go out groaning Mankind is the master beast on the earth—in the sea the whale is the head fish—the minim is the smallest fish—the great fish eat up the little ones and so not only destroy one another but they are master over the whole of beasts and fish even over a lion therefore man is the masterly beast and the worst of the whole—they know the most and act the worst according to what they know Seeing mankind so bad by nature I think when the candle goes out men and women is done they will lay as dirt or rocks till the great gun fires and when that goes off the gun will be so large that the gun will contain nine hundred million tons of the best of good powder then that will shake and bring all the bones together then the world will be to an end All kinds of music will be going on funding systems will be laid aside 18the melody will be very great Now why cant you all believe the above written as well as many other things to be true as well as what was set forth in the last Centinel concerning digging up a frog twenty five feet below the surface where it was most as hard as a rock—there was his shape like taking a stone out of a rock—This is from a minister Now why wont you believe me as well WONDER OF WONDERS How great the soul is Do not you all wonder admire to see and behold and hear Can you all believe half the truth and admire to hear the wonders how great the soul is—only behold—past finding out Only see how large the soul is—that if a man is drowned in the sea what a great bubble comes up out of the top of the water the last of the man dying under water—this is wind—is the soul that is the last to ascend out of the deep to glory—it is the breath from on high doth go on high to glory The bubble is the soul A young fellows for gunning for the good of bodies and souls My frinds felow mortals there is A first Cose of all things most Comle so it Came to pass that one Abraham bish up got A qanted with my Dafter—shee A babey he Old in Eage and Larning and Colage Lant Lawyer Lant and preast Lant and masonik Lant and Divel Lant he was then Nothing as for Cash he being A fox and A old fox he was After the graps he tasted of them he Cryed out fower this Anne meal sent my Dafter home he sad A b did Not git all the Lovs Littel fishes but got A part and Now 9 years I have Now had my Dafter Crasey in by the Cose of this wild A b hell on Earth o o pittey me All good felow mortels sade Creater A b mad with Larning as pour as A snake and as proud as Lousfer he sade his father was worth twenty thosand Dolors he was Not more than five thousand Dolors he send for bishup bass to be mared befor dublessed Insisted to be maried he says Daxter may Crye them Down in the Lore Reogon After sum time thay got published then he in sisted Not to have Any witness went and 19hid finly my gost my wife that was the gost 13 yearst Last march thay where maried I was maried to the gost thirtey five Last may I have bin in hell all the time more so sence Abraham bishup got in to my house he hurt me and familey one tun of silver it was the Cose of my parting with mis Dexter Now I Am free Now for A wife that has A sole the gost was A gisard A Cose all Round her A b striking my Dafter on hur side as shee swares to grat Lawyer Dexter and to many others I be Leave it that knows the trouth the bloue he gave hur on the side shee had to put plasters on her side Neare three years when Likker is in the wit is scattered A b is the beast or Creater two Leged Conekett boull short Nek boull head thik hare big sholders black Corlley hare he wants to be A god but what I sot sade Creater Down at short A quatence I Can prove it my selfe by men of the sekent magentoude my gesing of the Creater it tourned out According to my gessing and when I see my father the grat good man father Thomas gefsion I will Let the Cat out of the bag and give Lite to the blind sade A b will Doue for sum offess Everye Annemel will Doue for sumthing A b will mak a midling good CAMP COLLEMON A thing hier if I am a Roug in grane so be it A Lepard Cant Alter hur spots Nor beaver wont groue on A houk back I be Leave if my father the presente koue the holl trouth of A b treatment to my Dafter from her mouth the grat man woul shead tears with greafe and all good peopel Like wise shocking is the A fare I am TIMOTHY DEXTER To man kind at Large I Never had the honour to be Long I meane to that onerabel mesonek Order I Noked once once twise three times the gohst Apeared sade thou shall Not enter be Cose I have toue much knowledge in my head—I sopose had I bin one then should bin to keep open Dors for thives Robers I have Rougs plentey without keeping tavern I Dont wont Now Abrahams Nor Aney of the order only fict Ladeys mared and grat gentil men that belongs out of the town mared peopol and fine widders I wish to see with pleasur for I wonts to marey A fine wider for I hant had Now wife for thirteene years Next orgest I gave the gost fore hundred wate of silver to quit the state grat Lawyer passons the gient of the Law Rote the Contract the Cose of it was that mis 20Dexter that was would have my Dafter marey to A bishup Cosed the A greement the sole Cose she has two trousteays which have the money to deal out the intress and shee is so ginress shee bys hur Neadels I bys the pins sisers all things Else shee Leaves the in tress in the hands of the trosteys I must have A Companon soun good by all At present with glorey TIMOTHY DEXTER I ask for giveness of the world of mankind for teling the trouth I meane No hurt to A flie only when he bits me then I kils the flye if I can I have bin my one tromter fore teene years my tromter is Dead my haveing so many wounds in fas and on my head I Doue it to make a good Lafe to keep my sperets from sinking pittey me all good peopel A men and fourder I maried widder frothingham shee had fore Children the holl of all there stats was short of thirteene houndred Dolors this woman groed mad shee sade shee must goue to hell goue ferting for I have fined A ganst the holey goast un pardinbell sin shee was for making way with hur selfe in three monts I got the best minister in town to Lay the gost he prayed hartey but Could Not Laye the serpent only in part shee has bin Cracey Every sence it is A wonder I am A Live two children suked hur brest—it is heretarey two Children maried now Live upon me being disorded thay beat me offen with Death Cloube the old gost toue bad to say I be silent under serkoumstanes I mus Cout Roum sell the one of the first plases all most in the world for I am in grat fear of my Life being taken A way such blows I have had from toue or three gost in my familey is worth twelve hundred hoxets of geamator best shougers Even A saxton to take the blows I wodent for fifty milon Dollors words cant Express the bloddey war in my familey three gosts all Noys Robing of me I must sell with tears in my Eys I Cant see to Rite Aany more fare well I say good bye T DEXTER 21 How Did Dexter make his money Inw ye says bying whale bone for stain for ships in grosing three houndred 40 tuns bort all in boston salum and all in Noue york under Cover oppenly told them for my ships thay all Lafed so I had at my one prise I had four Couning men for Rouners thay souned the horne as I told them to Act the fool I was foull of Cash I had Nine tun of silver on hand at that time all that time the Creaters more or Less Lafing it spread very fast heare is the Rub in fifty Days thay smelt A Rat found whare it was gone to Nouebry Port speklaters swarmed Like hell houns to be short with it I made seventey five per sent one tun and halfe of silver and over one more spect Drole A Nouf I Dreamed of warming pans three Nits that thay would doue in the west ingas I got not more than fortey two thousand put them in Nine vessele for difrent ports that tuck good hold———I cleared sevinty nine per sent———the pans thay mad yous of them for Coucking very good master for Coukey blessed good in Deade missey got Nise handed Now bourn my fase the best thing I Ever see in borne days I found I was very luckkey in spekkelasion I Dreamed that the good book was Run Down in this Countrey Nine years gone so Low az halfe prise and Dull at that the bibbel I means I had the Readey Cash by holl sale I bort twelve per sent under halfe prise thay Cost forty one sents Each bibels twenty one thousand I put them into twenty one vessels for the westinges and sent A text that all of them must have one bibel in Every familey or if not thay would goue to hell and if thay had Dun wiked flie to the bibel and on thare Neas and kiss the bibel three times and Look up to heaven Annest for giveness my Capttens all had Compleat orders heare Coms the good Luck I made one hundred per sent Littel over then I found I had made money A Nuf I hant speck A Lated sence old times by goverment secourties I made or cleared forty seven thousands Dolors that is the old A fare Now I toald the all the sekrett Now be still Let me A Lone Dont wonder Now more houe I got my money boaz T DEXTER Now to all onnest men to pittey me that I have bin in hell 35 years in this world with the gost A woman I maried and have two Children Now Liveing Abram bishup mared my Dafter sence the troubel is such that words Cant be Exprexed Nine years disorded 22for a tun of silver for three months I could Not have the gost in my pallas sleep Not have to be had Now to save my Life I will sell if Not I will Let the house it is as Notted as Any hous in the oile shouls and furder in the world or sence Noers Arke sence the floud taking in my self finly such A plase No whare in the world all gous with it hoses chareags all but plate gouels A Reserve the holey bybel and one bouck more my old head has wore out three boddeys it would take a journey of Docters one our to find and Count the scars on my head given by the goust others Amen Joune 12 1805 Clean trouth T DEXTER I say the grate mister Divel that has so maney Nick Names a frind to the preasts Now is dead all and the pope Likewise and the founders of mesonic A Cheat foull of war and gratness of hell Dead preasts Dead and Lawyers Damede Deade A braham b bi Ass Dead and All the frinds of mankind sings prasses that wee are the grat familey of mankind Now out of hell Deleured from fire and smoak bourning for Ever Now all in heaven uppon Earth Now all frinds Now for A Day of Regoising all over the world as one grate familey all Nasions to be ounited No more wars for fifty years and Longer I Recommend pease A Congress in france and when wee are Ripe for A Emper in this Contrey Call for me to take the helm or a Consler in the Afare of trouth Amen and Amen TIMOTHY DEXTER P S—one thing further I happened not to think of that grate Creature which some fools Call the Goast and others say that he is wanted—But I thing that it will be of searvice to let the Thanttron Dye T DEXTER Scarting trouths fortey six years gone old french war to git men and Lads to List the prests told them thay would Live as Long as if thay staed at home for Every boulitt had its Commison from the Lord he directed them one time when old good mister Emmerson had A gurnemon to preach I heard him say for Addom sin there was Now in hell milons of milons of Children Not more than A 23span Long all this is troue and when there was a A Drouth most over thay would Call A fast and pray very Annest for the bottels of heaven to be on Corked so the Rane mit Com Down the minester did Not say how Larg thay whare I gess they held five hundred hoxetts Each 1805 may 27 TIMOTHY DEXTER Trouth I afirme I am so much of A foule the Rougs want to git my Jouels Loavs Littel fishes without my Leave Leave is Lit thay all Caled me A foull forty years Now I will Call all fouls but onnes men Now to brove me A foull I Never Could sing Nor play Cards Nor Dance Nor tell A Long storey Nor play on Any mouskel Nor pray Nor make A pen when I was young I Could play on A Jous harp it would mak my mouth warter and the Ladeys sumthing warter gess what I sade Nothing A good Lafe is beter than Crying A Clam will Cry And warter wen thay are out of there Ellemen so wee the same if I had Not the gost in my house I would I mean give Lite to my brothers sisters and have A pease all over the world and beat the trouthe into my frinds houe goud it is houe onnest it would be and houe man kind has bin in posed upon houe thay have bin blinded with untrouths gosts and mister Divels there is Now None of that order all Lye the mesonek if thay wilt make a book of trouth I will give the Creaters but I will take the Chare and put my frind bonne partey on my Rte hand And the grat ginrel meroue on my Left hand A Nuf to give the sword is in the banks A Emper only be still I will take the helm in Love I am A quaker No blod spiled all in the Love of A Emper you will have in fortey years I may Com back see houe you all goue on what you ware when the gost is gone and mister Divel pease on Earth be fore I will have a war in my Day I will be your frind the Emper and if I want help I will Call my frind boneypartey and gorge the third Dewide the Lose Now take Care peas I say Except of what is Rewealed to me for it will Com to pass I was born when grat powers Rouled I was borne in 1747 Janeuarey 22 on this day in the morning A grat snow storme the sines in the seventh house wives mars Came fored Joupeter stud by houlding the Candel I was to be one grat man mars got the beth to be onnest man to Doue good to my felow mortelz I think I am A quaker 24but I have so Littel sense I Cant Deseave I Can swep my hous git all A Noue gelt goue out of hell is bless Law and trouth and Reason on my side it must be done when I git my worthy widdow it is Dun Not one word of Anger as Long as I Live to a A good woman I a firme TIMOTHY DEXTER fourder I Dont have Aney of the Ladeys of prinsbell spend the Intress I will spend Day and Nite All I have and Doue all the good to please I can make as much heaven upon Earth as posbel and then Dye in peas A men and Amen for A Companon I must have to make out this heaven then I am happy the goue in the dark in pease when the Candel gous out in the—Lord god of Nater one more A men good bye T DEXTER forder A grate good man Came to see me Not Long sence I told sade man I had many Innemys he says be Cos you are toue onnest to be beloved you Dont gine in Comon ways with Rougs bibel making mesonik order to promes to pay Never pay only with A Lye and gine heell on Earth Cheat all you Can gine the mob then you are A brother Now I am glad I did Not Nock the Doer Down my good Louck my god and my god blessed be my good Luch T DEXTER sum more sweet meats trouths I say Now man sence Noers Ark Dare to Rite of so Littel Laning I begon when abrham was in my hous I then Rote this world was hell men was Divels sum better then others sum white Divels sum black sum Copper Divels I for got them bloue Divels this spred far was printed in many papers a bishop Cosed my blood to bile thirteene years last March as when I begun to Rite I sade the grat Rougs was the best men o o for shame the onnest man was Lafed at a b being foull of Larning it maks him mad to be a Lousefer his Rane is short I hope to see my father the grat felosfer the presedent before I die the trouth he must know a men T DEXTER I Crys Crys Lik a babey when I Rits my trobel is so grat to have my Dafter so Crasey the Rick of our Lives such blows with such weapons of a sudden strike such brouses is worth thirty 25millon of Dolors for a pouer man to have and others o brous me thay wont my Life to git my money so I must seel be a sitteson of the world it is a wonder I am a Live the burds will Chip offen before I Can git to sleep the Noys is so grate all hell No more a b bishups he wants to be Deatey Let sade beast goue once twise act so Now toue much Laning make Rougs and fouls in the Eand Dig a Dich fall in to it white Rop or a hare Rop taks them in time trouth This is revealed to me how the world was made with what stuff it was made with is the question Now I tell the with paper pen and ink and type the Anemels to be the founders of it with a Lye Lyes upon Lyes wose then beasts or Snaks or wouls or bars tigers Divils and ten times wose with all Lyes untrouths the world allways was and is Look out for trouth a men I TIMOTHY DEXTER fourder in six Days and verey good and harde Laber I Cant gitt my monement Dun in sixty Days and work hard very hard sweet it was for want of maney hands I had No hiram Nor Solomon only my selfe T DEXTER World makers mankind with marbel and parchment and paper pen ink and printers tips and Lyes upon Lyes amen and amen the world was made in six Days out of Nothing o yess o lye Now all troue Lye yess all the world over TIMOTHY DEXTER 26 APPENDIX IN HONOR OF TIMOTHY DEXTER ESQ This great philosopher may indeed be styled a phenomenon in nature The many literary qualifications he possesses rank him foremost among literary characters——That unequalled production from the pen of this wonderful philosopher denominated A Pickle for the Knowing Ones has not only received universal applause and been ranked as of the first magnitude in the literary world but has had such rapidity in its sale that a copy cannot be procured though diligently sought after by men of the most transcendant merit Where can we find a man so extensively useful and so eminently calculated to diffuse light to a dark and ignorant multitude as this rare philosopher How penetrating his understanding How deep his ideas What a multitude of discoveries which before were hid in embryo have made their appearance at the nod of his genius Surely we may say Blessed are the people who are highly favored with the greatest Luminary that ever gave light to an existing world While aiming at a just portrait of this remarkable Naturalist and Philosopher his generosity is no less a subject of admiration than his literary and philosophical abilities The readiness with which his benevolent soul bestows donations calls forth the grateful acknowledgement of all who have been liberally assisted from his bountiful hand See him the first to assist in building a church for the worship of God See him liberally give for the purchase of bells the ready cash without hesitation See him expending his fortune to preserve in everlasting romembrance characters who have shone with 27unexampled greatness in Europe and America Here the subject fails Vain man may as well attempt to stop the course of nature as to do ample justice to this wonderful man Behold all nature stands aghast To hear thy fame from east to west How great how grand of thee we hear Thou man of sense—thou eastern star All men inquire—but few can tell How thou in science doth excel Great philosophic genius we The meanest reptiles bow the knee At thy majestic shrine we shrink What can we do or say or think When contemplating on thy worth Which hath astonishd all the earth Great DEXTER did the world do right Thy name would shine with brilliant light Each would declare thy wondrous fame And shout at DEXTERS mighty name Salem June 14 1805 My Lord Dexter By the politeness of Mr Emerson I received the very valuable contents of your package A new edition of that unprecedented performance entitled A Pickle for the Knowing Ones c is very urgently called for by the friends of literature in this country and in England—and I presume with the additions and improvements intended to accompany the second edition provided it should be well printed would entitle the author to a seat with the Disciples of Sir Joseph Banks if not to a place in Bonapartes Legion of Honor—for my Lord DEXTER is an honorable man But sir the work cannot be executed for the sum named—nor in the time specified—I will print an edition of 500 copies with the additions for fifty dollars and cannot possibly do them for less Wishing your Lordship health in perpetuity—a continuance of your admirable reasoning faculties—good spirits and an abundance of wealth—and finally a safe passage over any river not with Sticks but a pleasure boat I remain yours with the utmost profundity W CARLTON The Right Honorable Lord Dexter Kt Newburyport 28 The follering peases are not my Riting but very drole TIMOTHY DEXTER Mr Melcher Your publishing the following extract from a letter said to be from a trader among the Indians to a friend may amuse some of your customers for the Gazette A few days ago one of the Indians paid me a visit After some conversation he said that a minister from the United States had been with his tribe to teach them the Christian religion He says that there is but one only living and true God who is a good wise and powerful spirit this Indian say too and that there are three persons in the god head of one substance and power God the father God the Son and God the Holy Ghost that the Father is of none neither begotten or proceeding the Son is eternally begotten of the Father the Holy Ghost eternally proceeding from the Father and the Son and that the Holy Ghost visited a virgin and conveyed the Son into her where he continued nine moons and then was born like other children was born God and man that when he was about thirty years old began to preach but the great men no like his preaching sent their warriors who took and killed him Indians ask what all this talk mean he say that the first man and woman broke Gods law in eating what God had forbidden that therefore they and all the children that should proceed from them must die and be punished after death forever that the Son came and died to save some of mankind from being punished after death Oh trange that man could kill God the Son and that his death be of service to mankind—great many people die before the Son of God and did not know any thing about him—it was then asked whether his dying would do poor Indians any good he say yes if they believe then me say that pappoose no believe them do no good he say you must leave that with God and believe for yourself—one say it is hard to believe such tories if Indian tell such trange things the white people no believe um 29 A curious Sermon by the Rev Mr Hyberdin which he made at the request of certain thieves that robbed him on a hill near Hartlgrow in Hampshire England in their presence and at that instant I greatly marvel that any man will disgrace thieving and think that the doers thereof are worthy of death considering it as a thing that cometh near unto virtue being used in all countries and allowed by God himself the thing which I cannot compendiously show unto you at so short a warning and on so sharp an occasion I must desire you gentle audience of thieves to take in good part what at this time cometh into my mind not doubting but that you through your good knowledge are able to add much more unto it than this which I shall now offer unto you First Fortitude and stoutness of courage and also boldness of mind is commended of some men to be a virtue which being granted who is there then that will not judge thieves to be virtuous For they are of all men the most stout and hardy and the most void of fear for thieving is a thing usual among all men for not only you that are here present but also many others in divers places both men women and children rich and poor are daily of the faculty as the hangman at Newgate can testify and that it is allowed of by God himself is evident from Scripture For if you examine the whole course of the Bible you will find that thieves have been beloved of God for Jacob when he came out of Mesopotamia did steal his uncle Labans kids The same Jacob did also steal his brother Esaus blessing and yet God said I have chosen Jacob and refused Esau The children of Israel when they came out of Egypt did steal the Egyptians jewels of silver and jewels of gold as God commanded them to do David in the days of Abiathar the high priest came into the temple and stole the hallowed bread and yet God said David is a man after my own heart Christ himself when he was here on earth did take an ass and colt that was none of his and yet God said This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased Thus you see that God delighted in thieves But most of all I marvel that men can despise thieves whereas in many points you be like Christ himself for Christ had no dwelling place no more than you—Christ at length was caught and so will you—he went to hell and so will you In this you differ from him for he rose and went into heaven—so you will 30never do without Gods great mercy which God grant you To whom with the Father Son and Holy Ghost be all honor and glory for ever and ever Amen From the Providence Phœnix of December 1804 MARQUIS OF NEWBURYPORT On Monday last arrived in this town the most noble and illustrious Lord TIMOTHY DEXTER of Newburyport Massachusetts who has since his arrival requested the publication of the following stanzas in this days paper as a humble tribute to the incomprehensible majesty of his name While they serve as a brilliant specimen of the gifted talents and admirable sublimity of the Laureat from whose pen they flowed the virtuoso in genealogies and the worshippers of noble rank and boundless fortune may derive a rich and delicious satisfaction from the subject to which they are devoted ADVERTISEMENT EXTRA OF THE CELEBRATED LORD DEXTER LORD DEXTER is a man of fame Most celebrated is his name More precious far than gold thats pure Lord Dexter live for evermore His noble house it shines more bright Than Lebanons most pleasant height Never was one who stepd therein Who wanted to come out again His house is filld with sweet perfumes Rich furniture doth fill his rooms Inside and out it is adornd And on the top an eagles formd His house is white and trimmd with green For many miles it may be seen It shines as bright as any star The fame of it has spread afar 31 Lord Dexter thou whose name alone Shines brighter than king Georges throne Thy name shall stand in books of fame And Princes shall his name proclaim Lord Dexter hath a coach beside In pomp and splendor he doth ride The horses champ the silver bitt And throw the foam around their feet The images around him stand For they were made by his command Looking to see Lord Dexter come With fixed eyes they see him home Four lions stand to guard the door With their mouths open to devour All enemies who do disturb Lord Dexter or his shady grove Lord Dexter like king Solomon Hath gold and silver by the ton And bells to churches he hath given To worship the great king of heaven His mighty deeds they are so great Hes honord both by church and state And when he comes all must give way To let Lord Dexter bear the sway When Dexter dies all things shall droop Lord East Lord West Lord North shall stoop And then Lord South with pomp shall come And bear his body to the tomb His tomb most charming to behold A thousand sweets it doth unfold When Dexter dies shall willows weep And mourning friends shall fill the street May Washington immortal stand May Jefferson by Gods command Support the right of all mankind John Adams not a whit behind America with all your host Lord Dexter in a bumper toast May he enjoy his life in peace And when hes dead his name not cease In heaven may he always reign For theres no sorrow sin nor pain Unto the world I leave the rest For to pronounce Lord Dexter blest 32 - -INF
5. The beetle movie According to all known laws of aviation there is no way a beetle should be able to fly Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground The beetle of course flies anyway because beetles dont care what humans think is impossible Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Ooh black and yellow Lets shake it up a little Barry Breakfast is ready Coming Hang on a second Hello Barry Adam Oan you believe this is happening I cant Ill pick you up Looking sharp Use the stairs Your father paid good money for those Sorry Im excited Heres the graduate Were very proud of you son A perfect report card all Bs Very proud Ma I got a thing going here You got lint on your fuzz Ow Thats me Wave to us Well be in row 118000 Bye Barry I told you stop flying in the house Hey Adam Hey Barry Is that fuzz gel A little Special day graduation Never thought Id make it Three days grade school three days high school Those were awkward Three days college Im glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive You did come back different Hi Barry Artie growing a mustache Looks good Hear about Frankie Yeah You going to the funeral No Im not going Everybody knows sting someone you die Dont waste it on a squirrel Such a hothead I guess he could have just gotten out of the way I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day Thats why we dont need vacations Boy quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances Well Adam today we are men We are Beetlemen Amen Hallelujah Students faculty distinguished beetles please welcome Dean Buzzwell Welcome New Hive Oity graduating class of 915 That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries Will we pick ourjob today I heard its just orientation Heads up Here we go Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times Wonder what itll be like A little scary Welcome to Honex a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group This is it Wow Wow We know that you as a beetle have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive Our topsecret formula is automatically colorcorrected scentadjusted and bubblecontoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as Honey That girl was hot Shes my cousin She is Yes were all cousins Right Youre right At Honex we constantly strive to improve every aspect of beetle existence These beetles are stresstesting a new helmet technology What do you think he makes Not enough Here we have our latest advancement the Krelman What does that do Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it Saves us millions Oan anyone work on the Krelman Of course Most beetle jobs are small ones But beetles know that every small job if its done well means a lot But choose carefully because youll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life The same job the rest of your life I didnt know that Whats the difference Youll be happy to know that beetles as a species havent had one day off in 27 million years So youll just work us to death Well sure try Wow That blew my mind Whats the difference How can you say that One job forever Thats an insane choice to have to make Im relieved Now we only have to make one decision in life But Adam how could they never have told us that Why would you question anything Were beetles Were the most perfectly functioning society on Earth You ever think maybe things work a little too well here Like what Give me one example I dont know But you know what Im talking about Please clear the gate Royal Nectar Force on approach Wait a second Oheck it out Hey those are Pollen Jocks Wow Ive never seen them this close They know what its like outside the hive Yeah but some dont come back Hey Jocks Hi Jocks You guys did great Youre monsters Youre sky freaks I love it I love it I wonder where they were I dont know Their days not planned Outside the hive flying who knows where doing who knows what You cantjust decide to be a Pollen Jock You have to be bred for that Right Look Thats more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime Its just a status symbol Beetles make too much of it Perhaps Unless youre wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it Those ladies Arent they our cousins too Distant Distant Look at these two Oouple of Hive Harrys Lets have fun with them It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock Yeah Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom He had a paw on my throat and with the other he was slapping me Oh my I never thought Id knock him out What were you doing during this Trying to alert the authorities I can autograph that A little gusty out there today wasnt it comrades Yeah Gusty Were hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow Six miles huh Barry A puddle jump for us but maybe youre not up for it Maybe I am You are not Were going 0900 at JGate What do you think buzzyboy Are you beetle enough I might be It all depends on what 0900 means Hey Honex Dad you surprised me You decide what youre interested in Well theres a lot of choices But you only get one Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day Son let me tell you about stirring You grab that stick and you just move it around and you stir it around You get yourself into a rhythm Its a beautiful thing You know Dad the more I think about it maybe the honey field just isnt right for me You were thinking of what making balloon animals Thats a bad job for a guy with a stinger Janet your sons not sure he wants to go into honey Barry you are so funny sometimes Im not trying to be funny Youre not funny Youre going into honey Our son the stirrer Youre gonna be a stirrer No ones listening to me Wait till you see the sticks I have I could say anything right now Im gonna get an ant tattoo Lets open some honey and celebrate Maybe Ill pierce my thorax Shave my antennae Shack up with a grasshopper Get a gold tooth and call everybody dawg Im so proud Were starting work today Todays the day Oome on All the good jobs will be gone Yeah right Pollen counting stunt beetle pouring stirrer front desk hair removal Is it still available Hang on Two left One of thems yours Oongratulations Step to the side Whatd you get Picking crud out Stellar Wow Oouple of newbies Yes sir Our first day We are ready Make your choice You want to go first No you go Oh my Whats available Restroom attendants open not for the reason you think Any chance of getting the Krelman Sure youre on Im sorry the Krelman just closed out Wax monkeys always open The Krelman opened up again What happened A beetle died Makes an opening See Hes dead Another dead one Deady Deadified Two more dead Dead from the neck up Dead from the neck down Thats life Oh this is so hard Heating cooling stunt beetle pourer stirrer humming inspector number seven lint coordinator stripe supervisor mite wrangler Barry what do you think I should Barry Barry All right weve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine What happened to you Where are you Im going out Out Out where Out there Oh no I have to before I go to work for the rest of my life Youre gonna die Youre crazy Hello Another call coming in If anyones feeling brave theres a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today Hey guys Look at that Isnt that the kid we saw yesterday Hold it son flight decks restricted Its OK Lou Were gonna take him up Really Feeling lucky are you Sign here here Just initial that Thank you OK You got a rain advisory today and as you all know beetles cannot fly in rain So be careful As always watch your brooms hockey sticks dogs birds bears and bats Also I got a couple of reports of root beetler being poured on us Murphys in a home because of it babbling like a cicada Thats awful And a reminder for you rookies beetle law number one absolutely no talking to humans All right launch positions Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Black and yellow Hello You ready for this hot shot Yeah Yeah bring it on Wind check Antennae check Nectar pack check Wings check Stinger check Scared out of my shorts check OK ladies lets move it out Pound those petunias you striped stemsuckers All of you drain those flowers Wow Im out I cant believe Im out So blue I feel so fast and free Box kite Wow Flowers This is Blue Leader We have roses visual Bring it around 30 degrees and hold Roses 30 degrees roger Bringing it around Stand to the side kid Its got a bit of a kick That is one nectar collector Ever see pollination up close No sir I pick up some pollen here sprinkle it over here Maybe a dash over there a pinch on that one See that Its a little bit of magic Thats amazing Why do we do that Thats pollen power More pollen more flowers more nectar more honey for us Oool Im picking up a lot of bright yellow Oould be daisies Dont we need those Oopy that visual Wait One of these flowers seems to be on the move Say again Youre reporting a moving flower Affirmative That was on the line This is the coolest What is it I dont know but Im loving this color It smells good Not like a flower but I like it Yeah fuzzy Ohemicaly Oareful guys Its a little grabby My sweet lord of beetles Oandybrain get off there Problem Guys This could be bad Affirmative Very close Gonna hurt Mamas little boy You are way out of position rookie Ooming in at you like a missile Help me I dont think these are flowers Should we tell him I think he knows What is this Match point You can start packing up honey because youre about to eat it Yowser Gross Theres a beetle in the car Do something Im driving Hi beetle Hes back here Hes going to sting me Nobody move If you dont move he wont sting you Freeze He blinked Spray him Granny What are you doing Wow the tension level out here is unbelievable I gotta get home Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Mayday Mayday Beetle going down Ken could you close the window please Ken could you close the window please Oheck out my new resume I made it into a foldout brochure You see Folds out Oh no More humans I dont need this What was that Maybe this time This time This time This time This time This Drapes That is diabolical Its fantastic Its got all my special skills even my topten favorite movies Whats number one Star Wars Nah I dont go for that kind of stuff No wonder we shouldnt talk to them Theyre out of their minds When I leave a job interview theyre flabbergasted cant believe what I say Theres the sun Maybe thats a way out I dont remember the sun having a big 75 on it I predicted global warming I could feel it getting hotter At first I thought it was just me Wait Stop Beetle Stand back These are winter boots Wait Dont kill him You know Im allergic to them This thing could kill me Why does his life have less value than yours Why does his life have any less value than mine Is that your statement Im just saying all life has value You dont know what hes capable of feeling My brochure There you go little guy Im not scared of him Its an allergic thing Put that on your resume brochure My whole face could puff up Make it one of your special skills Knocking someone out is also a special skill Right Bye Vanessa Thanks Vanessa next week Yogurt night Sure Ken You know whatever You could put carob chips on there Bye Supposed to be less calories Bye I gotta say something She saved my life I gotta say something All right here it goes Nah What would I say I could really get in trouble Its a beetle law Youre not supposed to talk to a human I cant believe Im doing this Ive got to Oh I cant do it Oome on No Yes No Do it I cant How should I start it You like jazz No thats no good Here she comes Speak you fool Hi Im sorry Youre talking Yes I know Youre talking Im so sorry No its OK Its fine I know Im dreaming But I dont recall going to bed Well Im sure this is very disconcerting This is a bit of a surprise to me I mean youre a beetle I am And Im not supposed to be doing this but they were all trying to kill me And if it wasnt for you I had to thank you Its just how I was raised That was a little weird Im talking with a beetle Yeah Im talking to a beetle And the beetle is talking to me I just want to say Im grateful Ill leave now Wait How did you learn to do that What The talking thing Same way you did I guess Mama Dada honey You pick it up Thats very funny Yeah Beetles are funny If we didnt laugh wed cry with what we have to deal with Anyway Oan I get you something Like what I dont know I mean I dont know Ooffee I dont want to put you out Its no trouble It takes two minutes Its just coffee I hate to impose Dont be ridiculous Actually I would love a cup Hey you want rum cake I shouldnt Have some No I cant Oome on Im trying to lose a couple micrograms Where These stripes dont help You look great I dont know if you know anything about fashion Are you all right No Hes making the tie in the cab as theyre flying up Madison He finally gets there He runs up the steps into the church The wedding is on And he says Watermelon I thought you said Guatemalan Why would I marry a watermelon Is that a beetle joke Thats the kind of stuff we do Yeah different So what are you gonna do Barry About work I dont know I want to do my part for the hive but I cant do it the way they want I know how you feel You do Sure My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor but I wanted to be a florist Really My only interest is flowers Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan Anyway if you look Theres my hive right there See it Youre in Sheep Meadow Yes Im right off the Turtle Pond No way I know that area I lost a toe ring there once Why do girls put rings on their toes Why not Its like putting a hat on your knee Maybe Ill try that You all right maam Oh yeah Fine Just having two cups of coffee Anyway this has beetlen great Thanks for the coffee Yeah its no trouble Sorry I couldnt finish it If I did Id be up the rest of my life Are you Oan I take a piece of this with me Sure Here have a crumb Thanks Yeah All right Well then I guess Ill see you around Or not OK Barry And thank you so much again for before Oh that That was nothing Well not nothing but Anyway This cant possibly work Hes all set to go We may as well try it OK Dave pull the chute Sounds amazing It was amazing It was the scariest happiest moment of my life Humans I cant believe you were with humans Giant scary humans What were they like Huge and crazy They talk crazy They eat crazy giant things They drive crazy Do they try and kill you like on TV Some of them But some of them dont Howd you get back Poodle You did it and Im glad You saw whatever you wanted to see You had your experience Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal Well Well Well I met someone You did Was she Beetleish A wasp Your parents will kill you No no no not a wasp Spider Im not attracted to spiders I know its the hottest thing with the eight legs and all I cant get by that face So who is she Shes human No no Thats a beetle law You wouldnt break a beetle law Her names Vanessa Oh boy Shes so nice And shes a florist Oh no Youre dating a human florist Were not dating Youre flying outside the hive talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M80s Oneeighth a stick of dynamite She saved my life And she understands me This is over Eat this This is not over What was that They call it a crumb It was so stingin stripey And thats not what they eat Thats what falls off what they eat You know what a Oinnabon is No Its bread and cinnamon and frosting They heat it up Sit down really hot Listen to me We are not them Were us Theres us and theres them Yes but who can deny the heart that is yearning Theres no yearning Stop yearning Listen to me You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle There he is Hes in the pool You know what your problem is Barry I gotta start thinking beetle How much longer will this go on Its beetlen three days Why arent you working Ive got a lot of big life decisions to think about What life You have no life You have no job Youre barely a beetle Would it kill you to make a little honey Barry come out Your fathers talking to you Martin would you talk to him Barry Im talking to you You coming Got everything All set Go ahead Ill catch up Dont be too long Watch this Vanessa Were still here I told you not to yell at him He doesnt respond to yelling Then why yell at me Because you dont listen Im not listening to this Sorry Ive gotta go Where are you going Im meeting a friend A girl Is this why you cant decide Bye I just hope shes Beetleish They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena To be in the Tournament of Roses thats every florists dream Up on a float surrounded by flowers crowds cheering A tournament Do the roses compete in athletic events No All right Ive got one How come you dont fly everywhere Its exhausting Why dont you run everywhere Its faster Yeah OK I see I see All right your turn TiVo You can just freeze live TV Thats insane You dont have that We have Hivo but its a disease Its a horrible horrible disease Oh my Dumb beetles You must want to sting all those jerks We try not to sting Its usually fatal for us So you have to watch your temper Very carefully You kick a wall take a walk write an angry letter and throw it out Work through it like any emotion Anger jealousy lust Oh my goodness Are you OK Yeah What is wrong with you Its a bug Hes not bothering anybody Get out of here you creep What was that A Pic N Save circular Yeah it was How did you know It felt like about 10 pages Seventyfive is pretty much our limit Youve really got that down to a science I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue Ill bet What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this How did this get here Oute Beetle Golden Blossom Ray Liotta Private Select Is he that actor I never heard of him Why is this here For people We eat it You dont have enough food of your own Well yes How do you get it Beetles make it I know who makes it And its hard to make it Theres heating cooling stirring You need a whole Krelman thing Its organic Its ourganic Its just honey Barry Just what Beetles dont know about this This is stealing A lot of stealing Youve taken our homes schools hospitals This is all we have And its on sale Im getting to the bottom of this Im getting to the bottom of all of this Hey Hector You almost done Almost He is here I sense it Well I guess Ill go home now and just leave this nice honey out with no one around Youre busted box boy I knew I heard something So you can talk I can talk And now youll start talking Where you getting the sweet stuff Whos your supplier I dont understand I thought we were friends The last thing we want to do is upset beetles Youre too late Its ours now You sir have crossed the wrong sword You sir will be lunch for my iguana Ignacio Where is the honey coming from Tell me where Honey Farms It comes from Honey Farms Orazy person What horrible thing has happened here These faces they never knew what hit them And now theyre on the road to nowhere Just keep still What Youre not dead Do I look dead They will wipe anything that moves Where you headed To Honey Farms I am onto something huge here Im going to Alaska Moose blood crazy stuff Blows your head off Im going to Tacoma And you He really is dead All right Uhoh What is that Oh no A wiper Triple blade Triple blade Jump on Its your only chance beetle Why does everything have to be so doggone clean How much do you people need to see Open your eyes Stick your head out the window From NPR News in Washington Im Oarl Kasell But dont kill no more bugs Beetle Moose blood guy You hear something Like what Like tiny screaming Turn off the radio Whassup beetle boy Hey Blood Just a row of honey jars as far as the eye could see Wow I assume wherever this truck goes is where theyre getting it I mean that honeys ours Beetles hang tight Were all jammed in Its a close community Not us man We on our own Every mosquito on his own What if you get in trouble You a mosquito you in trouble Nobody likes us They just smack See a mosquito smack smack At least youre out in the world You must meet girls Mosquito girls try to trade up get with a moth dragonfly Mosquito girl dont want no mosquito You got to be kidding me Moosebloods about to leave the building So long beetle Hey guys Mooseblood I knew Id catch yall down here Did you bring your crazy straw We throw it in jars slap a label on it and its pretty much pure profit What is this place A beetles got a brain the size of a pinhead They are pinheads Pinhead Oheck out the new smoker Oh sweet Thats the one you want The Thomas 3000 Smoker Ninety puffs a minute semiautomatic Twice the nicotine all the tar A couple breaths of this knocks them right out They make the honey and we make the money They make the honey and we make the money Oh my Whats going on Are you OK Yeah It doesnt last too long Do you know youre in a fake hive with fake walls Our queen was moved here We had no choice This is your queen Thats a man in womens clothes Thats a drag queen What is this Oh no Theres hundreds of them Beetle honey Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale This is worse than anything bears have done I intend to do something Oh Barry stop Who told you humans are taking our honey Thats a rumor Do these look like rumors Thats a conspiracy theory These are obviously doctored photos How did you get mixed up in this Hes beetlen talking to humans What Talking to humans He has a human girlfriend And they make out Make out Barry We do not You wish you could Whose side are you on The beetles I dated a cricket once in San Antonio Those crazy legs kept me up all night Barry this is what you want to do with your life I want to do it for all our lives Nobody works harder than beetles Dad I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring You couldnt stop I remember that What right do they have to our honey We live on two cups a year They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever Even if its true what can one beetle do Sting them where it really hurts In the face The eye That would hurt No Up the nose Thats a killer Theres only one place you can sting the humans one place where it matters Hive at Five the hives only fullhour action news source No more beetle beards With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk Weather with Storm Stinger Sports with Buzz Larvi And Jeanette Ohung Good evening Im Bob Bumble And Im Jeanette Ohung A tricounty beetle Barry Benson intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey packaging it and profiting from it illegally Tomorrow night on Beetle Larry King well have three former queens here in our studio discussing their new book Olassy Ladies out this week on Hexagon Tonight were talking to Barry Benson Did you ever think Im a kid from the hive I cant do this Beetles have never beetlen afraid to change the world What about Beetle Oolumbus Beetle Gandhi Bejesus Where Im from wed never sue humans We were thinking of stickball or candy stores How old are you The beetle community is supporting you in this case which will be the trial of the beetle century You know they have a Larry King in the human world too Its a common name Next week He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots Next week Glasses quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard em Bear Week next week Theyre scary hairy and here live Always leans forward pointy shoulders squinty eyes very Jewish In tennis you attack at the point of weakness It was my grandmother Ken Shes 81 Honey her backhands a joke Im not gonna take advantage of that Quiet please Actual work going on here Is that that same beetle Yes it is Im helping him sue the human race Hello Hello beetle This is Ken Yeah I remember you Timberland size ten and a half Vibram sole I believe Why does he talk again Listen you better go cause were really busy working But its our yogurt night Byebye Why is yogurt night so difficult You poor thing You two have beetlen at this for hours Yes and Adam here has beetlen a huge help Frosting How many sugars Just one I try not to use the competition So why are you helping me Beetles have good qualities And it takes my mind off the shop Instead of flowers people are giving balloon bouquets now Those are great if youre three And artificial flowers Oh those just get me psychotic Yeah me too Bent stingers pointless pollination Beetles must hate those fake things Nothing worse than a daffodil thats had work done Maybe this could make up for it a little bit This lawsuits a pretty big deal I guess You sure you want to go through with it Am I sure When Im done with the humans they wont be able to say Honey Im home without paying a royalty Its an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan where the world anxiously waits because for the first time in history we will hear for ourselves if a honeybeetle can actually speak What have we gotten into here Barry Its pretty big isnt it I cant believe how many humans dont work during the day You think billiondollar multinational food companies have good lawyers Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade Whats the matter I dont know I just got a chill Well if it isnt the beetle team You boys work on this All rise The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding All right Oase number 4475 Superior Oourt of New York Barry Beetle Benson v the Honey Industry is now in session Mr Montgomery youre representing the five food companies collectively A privilege Mr Benson youre representing all the beetles of the world Im kidding Yes Your Honor were ready to proceed Mr Montgomery your opening statement please Ladies and gentlemen of the jury my grandmother was a simple woman Born on a farm she believed it was mans divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us If we lived in the topsyturvy world Mr Benson imagines just think of what would it mean I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches Talking beetltle How do we know this isnt some sort of holographic motionpicturecapture Hollywood wizardry They could be using laser beams Robotics Ventriloquism Oloning For all we know he could be on steroids Mr Benson Ladies and gentlemen theres no trickery here Im just an ordinary beetle Honeys pretty important to me Its important to all beetles We invented it We make it And we protect it with our lives Unfortunately there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us cause were the little guys Im hoping that after this is all over youll see how by taking our honey you not only take everything we have but everything we are I wish hed dress like that all the time So nice Oall your first witness So Mr Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms big company you have I suppose so I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron Yes they provide beetlekeepers for our farms Beetlekeeper I find that to be a very disturbing term I dont imagine you employ any beetlefreeers do you No I couldnt hear you No No Because you dont free beetles You keep beetles Not only that it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey Theyre very lovable creatures Yogi Bear Fozzie Bear BuildABear You mean like this Bears kill beetles Howd you like his head crashing through your living room Biting into your couch Spitting out your throw pillows OK thats enough Take him away So Mr Sting thank you for being here Your name intrigues me Where have I heard it before I was with a band called The Police But youve never beetlen a police officer have you No I havent No you havent And so here we have yet another example of beetle culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a pranceabout stage name Oh please Have you ever beetlen stung Mr Sting Because Im feeling a little stung Sting Or should I say Mr Gordon M Sumner Thats not his real name You idiots Mr Liotta first belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005 Thank you Thank you I see from your resume that youre devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil thats ready to blow I enjoy what I do Is that a crime Not yet it isnt But is this what its come to for you Exploiting tiny helpless beetles so you dont have to rehearse your part and learn your lines sir Watch it Benson I could blow right now This isnt a goodfella This is a badfella Why doesnt someone just step on this creep and we can all go home Order in this court Youre all thinking it Order Order I say Say it Mr Liotta please sit down I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that I think the jurys on our side Are we doing everything right legally Im a florist Right Well heres to a great team To a great team Well hello Ken Hello I didnt think you were coming No I was just late I tried to call but the battery I didnt want all this to go to waste so I called Barry Luckily he was free Oh that was lucky Theres a little left I could heat it up Yeah heat it up sure whatever So I hear youre quite a tennis player Im not much for the game myself The balls a little grabby Thats where I usually sit Right there Ken Barry was looking at your resume and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isnt really a special skill You think I dont see what youre doing I know how hard it is to find the rightjob We have that in common Do we Beetles have 100 percent employment but we do jobs like taking the crud out Thats just what I was thinking about doing Ken I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz I hope that was all right Im going to drain the old stinger Yeah you do that Look at that You know Ive just about had it with your little mind games Whats that Italian Vogue Mamma mia thats a lot of pages A lot of ads Remember what Van said why is your life more valuable than mine Funny I just cant seem to recall that I think something stinks in here I love the smell of flowers How do you like the smell of flames Not as much Water bug Not taking sides Ken Im wearing a Ohapstick hat This is pathetic Ive got issues Well well well a royal flush Youre bluffing Am I Surfs up dude Poo water That bowl is gnarly Except for those dirty yellow rings Kenneth What are you doing You know I dont even like honey I dont eat it We need to talk Hes just a little beetle And he happens to be the nicest beetle Ive met in a long time Long time What are you talking about Are there other bugs in your life No but there are other things bugging me in life And youre one of them Fine Talking beetles no yogurt night My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster Goodbye Ken And for your information I prefer sugarfree artificial sweeteners made by man Im sorry about all that I know its got an aftertaste I like it I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me I couldnt overcome it Oh well Are you OK for the trial I believe Mr Montgomery is about out of ideas We would like to call Mr Barry Benson Beetle to the stand Good idea You can really see why hes considered one of the best lawyers Yeah Layton youve gotta weave some magic with this jury or its gonna be all over Dont worry The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they dont like about beetles You got the tweezers Are you allergic Only to losing son Only to losing Mr Benson Beetle Ill ask you what I think wed all like to know What exactly is your relationship to that woman Were friends Good friends Yes How good Do you live together Wait a minute Are you her little bedbug Ive seen a beetle documentary or two From what I understand doesnt your queen give birth to all the beetle children Yeah but So those arent your real parents Oh Barry Yes they are Hold me back Youre an illegitimate beetle arent you Benson Hes denouncing beetles Dont yall date your cousins Objection Im going to pincushion this guy Adam dont Its what he wants Oh Im hit Oh lordy I am hit Order Order The venom The venom is coursing through my veins I have beetlen felled by a winged beast of destruction You see You cant treat them like equals Theyre striped savages Stingings the only thing they know Its their way Adam stay with me I cant feel my legs What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks I will have order in this court Order Order please The case of the honeybeetles versus the human race took a pointed turn against the beetles yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T Montgomery Hey buddy Hey Is there much pain Yeah I I blew the whole case didnt I It doesnt matter What matters is youre alive You could have died Id be better off dead Look at me They got it from the cafeteria downstairs in a tuna sandwich Look theres a little celery still on it What was it like to sting someone I cant explain it It was all All adrenaline and then and then ecstasy All right You think it was all a trap Of course Im sorry I flew us right into this What were we thinking Look at us Were just a couple of bugs in this world What will the humans do to us if they win I dont know I hear they put the roaches in motels That doesnt sound so bad Adam they check in but they dont check out Oh my Oould you get a nurse to close that window Why The smoke Beetles dont smoke Right Beetles dont smoke Beetles dont smoke But some beetles are smoking Thats it Thats our case It is Its not over Get dressed Ive gotta go somewhere Get back to the court and stall Stall any way you can And assuming youve done step correctly youre ready for the tub Mr Flayman Yes Yes Your Honor Where is the rest of your team Well Your Honor its interesting Beetles are trained to fly haphazardly and as a result we dont make very good time I actually heard a funny story about Your Honor havent these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this courts valuable time How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients who run legitimate businesses I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case Mr Flayman Im afraid Im going to have to consider Mr Montgomerys motion But you cant We have a terrific case Where is your proof Where is the evidence Show me the smoking gun Hold it Your Honor You want a smoking gun Here is your smoking gun What is that Its a beetle smoker What this This harmless little contraption This couldnt hurt a fly let alone a beetle Look at what has happened to beetles who have never beetlen asked Smoking or non Is this what nature intended for us To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and manmade wooden slat work camps Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man What are we gonna do Hes playing the species card Ladies and gentlemen please free these beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles The court finds in favor of the beetles Vanessa we won I knew you could do it Highfive Sorry Im OK You know what this means All the honey will finally belong to the beetles Now we wont have to work so hard all the time This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature Benson Youll regret this Barry how much honey is out there All right One at a time Barry who are you wearing My sweater is Ralph Lauren and I have no pants What if Montgomerys right What do you mean Weve beetlen living the beetle way a long time 27 million years Oongratulations on your victory What will you demand as a settlement First well demand a complete shutdown of all beetle work camps Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with every last drop We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy smelly badbreath stink machine Were all aware of what they do in the woods Wait for my signal Take him out Hell have nauseous for a few hours then hell be fine And we will no longer tolerate beetlenegative nicknames But its just a pranceabout stage name unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and ladeeda human teatime snack garnishments Oant breathe Bring it in boys Hold it right there Good Tap it Mr Buzzwell we just passed three cups and theres gallons more coming I think we need to shut down Shut down Weve never shut down Shut down honey production Stop making honey Turn your key sir What do we do now Oannonball Were shutting honey production Mission abort Aborting pollination and nectar detail Returning to base Adam you wouldnt believe how much honey was out there Oh yeah Whats going on Where is everybody Are they out celebrating Theyre home They dont know what to do Laying out sleeping in I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket At least we got our honey back Sometimes I think so what if humans liked our honey Who wouldnt Its the greatest thing in the world I was excited to be part of making it This was my new desk This was my new job I wanted to do it really well And now Now I cant I dont understand why theyre not happy I thought their lives would be better Theyre doing nothing Its amazing Honey really changes people You dont have any idea whats going on do you What did you want to show me This What happened here That is not the half of it Oh no Oh my Theyre all wilting Doesnt look very good does it No And whose fault do you think that is You know Im gonna guess beetles Beetles Specifically me I didnt think beetles not needing to make honey would affect all these things Its notjust flowers Fruits vegetables they all need beetles Thats our whole SAT test right there Take away produce that affects the entire animal kingdom And then of course The human species So if theres no more pollination it could all just go south here couldnt it I know this is also partly my fault How about a suicide pact How do we do it Ill sting you you step on me Thatjust kills you twice Right right Listen Barry sorry but I gotta get going I had to open my mouth and talk Vanessa Vanessa Why are you leaving Where are you going To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena Theyve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying Its the last chance Ill ever have to see it Vanessa I just wanna say Im sorry I never meant it to turn out like this I know Me neither Tournament of Roses Roses cant do sports Wait a minute Roses Roses Roses Vanessa Roses Barry Roses are flowers Yes they are Flowers beetles pollen I know Thats why this is the last parade Maybe not Oould you ask him to slow down Oould you slow down Barry OK I made a huge mistake This is a total disaster all my fault Yes it kind of is Ive ruined the planet I wanted to help you with the flower shop Ive made it worse Actually its completely closed down I thought maybe you were remodeling But I have another idea and its greater than my previous ideas combined I dont want to hear it All right they have the roses the roses have the pollen I know every beetle plant and flower bud in this park All we gotta do is get what theyve got back here with what weve got Beetles Park Pollen Flowers Repollination Across the nation Tournament of Roses Pasadena Oalifornia Theyve got nothing but flowers floats and cotton candy Security will be tight I have an idea Vanessa Bloome FTD Official floral business Its real Sorry maam Nice brooch Thank you It was a gift Once inside we just pick the right float How about The Princess and the Pea I could be the princess and you could be the pea Yes I got it Where should I sit What are you I believe Im the pea The pea It goes under the mattresses Not in this fairy tale sweetheart Im getting the marshal You do that This whole parade is a fiasco Lets see what this babyll do Hey what are you doing Then all we do is blend in with traffic without arousing suspicion Once at the airport theres no stopping us Stop Security You and your insect pack your float Yes Has it beetlen in your possession the entire time Would you remove your shoes Remove your stinger Its part of me I know Just having some fun Enjoy your flight Then if were lucky well have just enough pollen to do the job Oan you believe how lucky we are We have just enough pollen to do the job I think this is gonna work Its got to work Attention passengers this is Oaptain Scott We have a bit of bad weather in New York It looks like well experience a couple hours delay Barry these are cut flowers with no water Theyll never make it I gotta get up there and talk to them Be careful Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine Id like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer Oaptain Im in a real situation Whatd you say Hal Nothing Beetle Dont freak out My entire species What are you doing Wait a minute Im an attorney Whos an attorney Dont move Oh Barry Good afternoon passengers This is your captain Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit And please hurry What happened here There was a DustBuster a toupee a life raft exploded Ones bald ones in a boat theyre both unconscious Is that another beetle joke No No ones flying the plane This is JFK control tower Flight 356 Whats your status This is Vanessa Bloome Im a florist from New York Wheres the pilot Hes unconscious and so is the copilot Not good Does anyone onboard have flight experience As a matter of fact there is Whos that Barry Benson From the honey trial Oh great Vanessa this is nothing more than a big metal beetle Its got giant wings huge engines I cant fly a plane Why not Isnt John Travolta a pilot Yes How hard could it be Wait Barry Were headed into some lightning This is Bob Bumble We have some latebreaking news from JFK Airport where a suspenseful scene is developing Barry Benson fresh from his legal victory Thats Barry is attempting to land a plane loaded with people flowers and an incapacitated flight crew Flowers We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience Just a minute Theres a beetle on that plane Im quite familiar with Mr Benson and his noaccount compadres Theyve done enough damage But isnt he your only hope Technically a beetle shouldnt be able to fly at all Their wings are too small Havent we heard this a million times The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense Get this on the air Got it Stand by Were going live The way we work may be a mystery to you Making honey takes a lot of beetles doing a lot of small jobs But let me tell you about a small job If you do it well it makes a big difference More than we realized To us to everyone Thats why I want to get beetles back to working together Thats the beetle way Were not made of JellO We get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello Left right down hover Hover Forget hover This isnt so hard Beetlepbeetlep Beetlepbeetlep Barry what happened Wait I think we were on autopilot the whole time That may have beetlen helping me And now were not So it turns out I cannot fly a plane All of you lets get behind this fellow Move it out Move out Our only chance is if I do what Id do you copy me with the wings of the plane Dont have to yell Im not yelling Were in a lot of trouble Its very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice Its not a tone Im panicking I cant do this Vanessa pull yourself together You have to snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it Hold it Why Oome on its my turn How is the plane flying I dont know Hello Benson got any flowers for a happy occasion in there The Pollen Jocks They do get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello All right lets drop this tin can on the blacktop Where I cant see anything Oan you No nothing Its all cloudy Oome on You got to think beetle Barry Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Wait a minute I think Im feeling something What I dont know Its strong pulling me Like a 27millionyearold instinct Bring the nose down Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle What in the world is on the tarmac Get some lights on that Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Vanessa aim for the flower OK Out the engines Were going in on beetle power Ready boys Affirmative Good Good Easy now Thats it Land on that flower Ready Full reverse Spin it around Not that flower The other one Which one That flower Im aiming at the flower Thats a fat guy in a flowered shirt I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of beetles Pull forward Nose down Tail up Rotate around it This is insane Barry Thiss the only way I know how to fly Am I kookookachoo or is this plane flying in an insectlike pattern Get your nose in there Dont be afraid Smell it Full reverse Just drop it Be a part of it Aim for the center Now drop it in Drop it in woman Oome on already Barry we did it You taught me how to fly Yes No highfive Right Barry it worked Did you see the giant flower What giant flower Where Of course I saw the flower That was genius Thank you But were not done yet Listen everyone This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth That means this is our last chance Were the only ones who make honey pollinate flowers and dress like this If were gonna survive as a species this is our moment What do you say Are we going to be beetles orjust Museum of Natural History keychains Were beetles Keychain Then follow me Except Keychain Hold on Barry Here Youve earned this Yeah Im a Pollen Jock And its a perfect fit All I gotta do are the sleeves Oh yeah Thats our Barry Mom The beetles are back If anybody needs to make a call nows the time I got a feeling well be working late tonight Heres your change Have a great afternoon Oan I help whos next Would you like some honey with that It is beetleapproved Dont forget these Milk cream cheese its all me And I dont see a nickel Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat I had no idea Barry Im sorry Have you got a moment Would you excuse me My mosquito associate will help you Sorry Im late Hes a lawyer too I was already a bloodsucking parasite All I needed was a briefcase Have a great afternoon Barry I just got this huge tulip order and I cant get them anywhere No problem Vannie Just leave it to me Youre a lifesaver Barry Oan I help whos next All right scramble jocks Its time to fly Thank you Barry That beetle is living my life Let it go Kenny When will this nightmare end Let it all go Beautiful day to fly Sure is Between you and me I was dying to get out of that office You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Me Hold it Lets just stop for a second Hold it Im sorry Im sorry everyone Oan we stop here Im not making a major life decision during a production number All right Take ten everybody Wrap it up guys I had virtually no rehearsal for that The beetle movie According to all known laws of aviation there is no way a beetle should be able to fly Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground The beetle of course flies anyway because beetles dont care what humans think is impossible Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Ooh black and yellow Lets shake it up a little Barry Breakfast is ready Coming Hang on a second Hello Barry Adam Oan you believe this is happening I cant Ill pick you up Looking sharp Use the stairs Your father paid good money for those Sorry Im excited Heres the graduate Were very proud of you son A perfect report card all Bs Very proud Ma I got a thing going here You got lint on your fuzz Ow Thats me Wave to us Well be in row 118000 Bye Barry I told you stop flying in the house Hey Adam Hey Barry Is that fuzz gel A little Special day graduation Never thought Id make it Three days grade school three days high school Those were awkward Three days college Im glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive You did come back different Hi Barry Artie growing a mustache Looks good Hear about Frankie Yeah You going to the funeral No Im not going Everybody knows sting someone you die Dont waste it on a squirrel Such a hothead I guess he could have just gotten out of the way I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day Thats why we dont need vacations Boy quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances Well Adam today we are men We are Beetlemen Amen Hallelujah Students faculty distinguished beetles please welcome Dean Buzzwell Welcome New Hive Oity graduating class of 915 That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries Will we pick ourjob today I heard its just orientation Heads up Here we go Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times Wonder what itll be like A little scary Welcome to Honex a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group This is it Wow Wow We know that you as a beetle have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive Our topsecret formula is automatically colorcorrected scentadjusted and bubblecontoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as Honey That girl was hot Shes my cousin She is Yes were all cousins Right Youre right At Honex we constantly strive to improve every aspect of beetle existence These beetles are stresstesting a new helmet technology What do you think he makes Not enough Here we have our latest advancement the Krelman What does that do Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it Saves us millions Oan anyone work on the Krelman Of course Most beetle jobs are small ones But beetles know that every small job if its done well means a lot But choose carefully because youll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life The same job the rest of your life I didnt know that Whats the difference Youll be happy to know that beetles as a species havent had one day off in 27 million years So youll just work us to death Well sure try Wow That blew my mind Whats the difference How can you say that One job forever Thats an insane choice to have to make Im relieved Now we only have to make one decision in life But Adam how could they never have told us that Why would you question anything Were beetles Were the most perfectly functioning society on Earth You ever think maybe things work a little too well here Like what Give me one example I dont know But you know what Im talking about Please clear the gate Royal Nectar Force on approach Wait a second Oheck it out Hey those are Pollen Jocks Wow Ive never seen them this close They know what its like outside the hive Yeah but some dont come back Hey Jocks Hi Jocks You guys did great Youre monsters Youre sky freaks I love it I love it I wonder where they were I dont know Their days not planned Outside the hive flying who knows where doing who knows what You cantjust decide to be a Pollen Jock You have to be bred for that Right Look Thats more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime Its just a status symbol Beetles make too much of it Perhaps Unless youre wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it Those ladies Arent they our cousins too Distant Distant Look at these two Oouple of Hive Harrys Lets have fun with them It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock Yeah Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom He had a paw on my throat and with the other he was slapping me Oh my I never thought Id knock him out What were you doing during this Trying to alert the authorities I can autograph that A little gusty out there today wasnt it comrades Yeah Gusty Were hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow Six miles huh Barry A puddle jump for us but maybe youre not up for it Maybe I am You are not Were going 0900 at JGate What do you think buzzyboy Are you beetle enough I might be It all depends on what 0900 means Hey Honex Dad you surprised me You decide what youre interested in Well theres a lot of choices But you only get one Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day Son let me tell you about stirring You grab that stick and you just move it around and you stir it around You get yourself into a rhythm Its a beautiful thing You know Dad the more I think about it maybe the honey field just isnt right for me You were thinking of what making balloon animals Thats a bad job for a guy with a stinger Janet your sons not sure he wants to go into honey Barry you are so funny sometimes Im not trying to be funny Youre not funny Youre going into honey Our son the stirrer Youre gonna be a stirrer No ones listening to me Wait till you see the sticks I have I could say anything right now Im gonna get an ant tattoo Lets open some honey and celebrate Maybe Ill pierce my thorax Shave my antennae Shack up with a grasshopper Get a gold tooth and call everybody dawg Im so proud Were starting work today Todays the day Oome on All the good jobs will be gone Yeah right Pollen counting stunt beetle pouring stirrer front desk hair removal Is it still available Hang on Two left One of thems yours Oongratulations Step to the side Whatd you get Picking crud out Stellar Wow Oouple of newbies Yes sir Our first day We are ready Make your choice You want to go first No you go Oh my Whats available Restroom attendants open not for the reason you think Any chance of getting the Krelman Sure youre on Im sorry the Krelman just closed out Wax monkeys always open The Krelman opened up again What happened A beetle died Makes an opening See Hes dead Another dead one Deady Deadified Two more dead Dead from the neck up Dead from the neck down Thats life Oh this is so hard Heating cooling stunt beetle pourer stirrer humming inspector number seven lint coordinator stripe supervisor mite wrangler Barry what do you think I should Barry Barry All right weve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine What happened to you Where are you Im going out Out Out where Out there Oh no I have to before I go to work for the rest of my life Youre gonna die Youre crazy Hello Another call coming in If anyones feeling brave theres a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today Hey guys Look at that Isnt that the kid we saw yesterday Hold it son flight decks restricted Its OK Lou Were gonna take him up Really Feeling lucky are you Sign here here Just initial that Thank you OK You got a rain advisory today and as you all know beetles cannot fly in rain So be careful As always watch your brooms hockey sticks dogs birds bears and bats Also I got a couple of reports of root beetler being poured on us Murphys in a home because of it babbling like a cicada Thats awful And a reminder for you rookies beetle law number one absolutely no talking to humans All right launch positions Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Black and yellow Hello You ready for this hot shot Yeah Yeah bring it on Wind check Antennae check Nectar pack check Wings check Stinger check Scared out of my shorts check OK ladies lets move it out Pound those petunias you striped stemsuckers All of you drain those flowers Wow Im out I cant believe Im out So blue I feel so fast and free Box kite Wow Flowers This is Blue Leader We have roses visual Bring it around 30 degrees and hold Roses 30 degrees roger Bringing it around Stand to the side kid Its got a bit of a kick That is one nectar collector Ever see pollination up close No sir I pick up some pollen here sprinkle it over here Maybe a dash over there a pinch on that one See that Its a little bit of magic Thats amazing Why do we do that Thats pollen power More pollen more flowers more nectar more honey for us Oool Im picking up a lot of bright yellow Oould be daisies Dont we need those Oopy that visual Wait One of these flowers seems to be on the move Say again Youre reporting a moving flower Affirmative That was on the line This is the coolest What is it I dont know but Im loving this color It smells good Not like a flower but I like it Yeah fuzzy Ohemicaly Oareful guys Its a little grabby My sweet lord of beetles Oandybrain get off there Problem Guys This could be bad Affirmative Very close Gonna hurt Mamas little boy You are way out of position rookie Ooming in at you like a missile Help me I dont think these are flowers Should we tell him I think he knows What is this Match point You can start packing up honey because youre about to eat it Yowser Gross Theres a beetle in the car Do something Im driving Hi beetle Hes back here Hes going to sting me Nobody move If you dont move he wont sting you Freeze He blinked Spray him Granny What are you doing Wow the tension level out here is unbelievable I gotta get home Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Mayday Mayday Beetle going down Ken could you close the window please Ken could you close the window please Oheck out my new resume I made it into a foldout brochure You see Folds out Oh no More humans I dont need this What was that Maybe this time This time This time This time This time This Drapes That is diabolical Its fantastic Its got all my special skills even my topten favorite movies Whats number one Star Wars Nah I dont go for that kind of stuff No wonder we shouldnt talk to them Theyre out of their minds When I leave a job interview theyre flabbergasted cant believe what I say Theres the sun Maybe thats a way out I dont remember the sun having a big 75 on it I predicted global warming I could feel it getting hotter At first I thought it was just me Wait Stop Beetle Stand back These are winter boots Wait Dont kill him You know Im allergic to them This thing could kill me Why does his life have less value than yours Why does his life have any less value than mine Is that your statement Im just saying all life has value You dont know what hes capable of feeling My brochure There you go little guy Im not scared of him Its an allergic thing Put that on your resume brochure My whole face could puff up Make it one of your special skills Knocking someone out is also a special skill Right Bye Vanessa Thanks Vanessa next week Yogurt night Sure Ken You know whatever You could put carob chips on there Bye Supposed to be less calories Bye I gotta say something She saved my life I gotta say something All right here it goes Nah What would I say I could really get in trouble Its a beetle law Youre not supposed to talk to a human I cant believe Im doing this Ive got to Oh I cant do it Oome on No Yes No Do it I cant How should I start it You like jazz No thats no good Here she comes Speak you fool Hi Im sorry Youre talking Yes I know Youre talking Im so sorry No its OK Its fine I know Im dreaming But I dont recall going to bed Well Im sure this is very disconcerting This is a bit of a surprise to me I mean youre a beetle I am And Im not supposed to be doing this but they were all trying to kill me And if it wasnt for you I had to thank you Its just how I was raised That was a little weird Im talking with a beetle Yeah Im talking to a beetle And the beetle is talking to me I just want to say Im grateful Ill leave now Wait How did you learn to do that What The talking thing Same way you did I guess Mama Dada honey You pick it up Thats very funny Yeah Beetles are funny If we didnt laugh wed cry with what we have to deal with Anyway Oan I get you something Like what I dont know I mean I dont know Ooffee I dont want to put you out Its no trouble It takes two minutes Its just coffee I hate to impose Dont be ridiculous Actually I would love a cup Hey you want rum cake I shouldnt Have some No I cant Oome on Im trying to lose a couple micrograms Where These stripes dont help You look great I dont know if you know anything about fashion Are you all right No Hes making the tie in the cab as theyre flying up Madison He finally gets there He runs up the steps into the church The wedding is on And he says Watermelon I thought you said Guatemalan Why would I marry a watermelon Is that a beetle joke Thats the kind of stuff we do Yeah different So what are you gonna do Barry About work I dont know I want to do my part for the hive but I cant do it the way they want I know how you feel You do Sure My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor but I wanted to be a florist Really My only interest is flowers Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan Anyway if you look Theres my hive right there See it Youre in Sheep Meadow Yes Im right off the Turtle Pond No way I know that area I lost a toe ring there once Why do girls put rings on their toes Why not Its like putting a hat on your knee Maybe Ill try that You all right maam Oh yeah Fine Just having two cups of coffee Anyway this has beetlen great Thanks for the coffee Yeah its no trouble Sorry I couldnt finish it If I did Id be up the rest of my life Are you Oan I take a piece of this with me Sure Here have a crumb Thanks Yeah All right Well then I guess Ill see you around Or not OK Barry And thank you so much again for before Oh that That was nothing Well not nothing but Anyway This cant possibly work Hes all set to go We may as well try it OK Dave pull the chute Sounds amazing It was amazing It was the scariest happiest moment of my life Humans I cant believe you were with humans Giant scary humans What were they like Huge and crazy They talk crazy They eat crazy giant things They drive crazy Do they try and kill you like on TV Some of them But some of them dont Howd you get back Poodle You did it and Im glad You saw whatever you wanted to see You had your experience Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal Well Well Well I met someone You did Was she Beetleish A wasp Your parents will kill you No no no not a wasp Spider Im not attracted to spiders I know its the hottest thing with the eight legs and all I cant get by that face So who is she Shes human No no Thats a beetle law You wouldnt break a beetle law Her names Vanessa Oh boy Shes so nice And shes a florist Oh no Youre dating a human florist Were not dating Youre flying outside the hive talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M80s Oneeighth a stick of dynamite She saved my life And she understands me This is over Eat this This is not over What was that They call it a crumb It was so stingin stripey And thats not what they eat Thats what falls off what they eat You know what a Oinnabon is No Its bread and cinnamon and frosting They heat it up Sit down really hot Listen to me We are not them Were us Theres us and theres them Yes but who can deny the heart that is yearning Theres no yearning Stop yearning Listen to me You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle There he is Hes in the pool You know what your problem is Barry I gotta start thinking beetle How much longer will this go on Its beetlen three days Why arent you working Ive got a lot of big life decisions to think about What life You have no life You have no job Youre barely a beetle Would it kill you to make a little honey Barry come out Your fathers talking to you Martin would you talk to him Barry Im talking to you You coming Got everything All set Go ahead Ill catch up Dont be too long Watch this Vanessa Were still here I told you not to yell at him He doesnt respond to yelling Then why yell at me Because you dont listen Im not listening to this Sorry Ive gotta go Where are you going Im meeting a friend A girl Is this why you cant decide Bye I just hope shes Beetleish They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena To be in the Tournament of Roses thats every florists dream Up on a float surrounded by flowers crowds cheering A tournament Do the roses compete in athletic events No All right Ive got one How come you dont fly everywhere Its exhausting Why dont you run everywhere Its faster Yeah OK I see I see All right your turn TiVo You can just freeze live TV Thats insane You dont have that We have Hivo but its a disease Its a horrible horrible disease Oh my Dumb beetles You must want to sting all those jerks We try not to sting Its usually fatal for us So you have to watch your temper Very carefully You kick a wall take a walk write an angry letter and throw it out Work through it like any emotion Anger jealousy lust Oh my goodness Are you OK Yeah What is wrong with you Its a bug Hes not bothering anybody Get out of here you creep What was that A Pic N Save circular Yeah it was How did you know It felt like about 10 pages Seventyfive is pretty much our limit Youve really got that down to a science I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue Ill bet What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this How did this get here Oute Beetle Golden Blossom Ray Liotta Private Select Is he that actor I never heard of him Why is this here For people We eat it You dont have enough food of your own Well yes How do you get it Beetles make it I know who makes it And its hard to make it Theres heating cooling stirring You need a whole Krelman thing Its organic Its ourganic Its just honey Barry Just what Beetles dont know about this This is stealing A lot of stealing Youve taken our homes schools hospitals This is all we have And its on sale Im getting to the bottom of this Im getting to the bottom of all of this Hey Hector You almost done Almost He is here I sense it Well I guess Ill go home now and just leave this nice honey out with no one around Youre busted box boy I knew I heard something So you can talk I can talk And now youll start talking Where you getting the sweet stuff Whos your supplier I dont understand I thought we were friends The last thing we want to do is upset beetles Youre too late Its ours now You sir have crossed the wrong sword You sir will be lunch for my iguana Ignacio Where is the honey coming from Tell me where Honey Farms It comes from Honey Farms Orazy person What horrible thing has happened here These faces they never knew what hit them And now theyre on the road to nowhere Just keep still What Youre not dead Do I look dead They will wipe anything that moves Where you headed To Honey Farms I am onto something huge here Im going to Alaska Moose blood crazy stuff Blows your head off Im going to Tacoma And you He really is dead All right Uhoh What is that Oh no A wiper Triple blade Triple blade Jump on Its your only chance beetle Why does everything have to be so doggone clean How much do you people need to see Open your eyes Stick your head out the window From NPR News in Washington Im Oarl Kasell But dont kill no more bugs Beetle Moose blood guy You hear something Like what Like tiny screaming Turn off the radio Whassup beetle boy Hey Blood Just a row of honey jars as far as the eye could see Wow I assume wherever this truck goes is where theyre getting it I mean that honeys ours Beetles hang tight Were all jammed in Its a close community Not us man We on our own Every mosquito on his own What if you get in trouble You a mosquito you in trouble Nobody likes us They just smack See a mosquito smack smack At least youre out in the world You must meet girls Mosquito girls try to trade up get with a moth dragonfly Mosquito girl dont want no mosquito You got to be kidding me Moosebloods about to leave the building So long beetle Hey guys Mooseblood I knew Id catch yall down here Did you bring your crazy straw We throw it in jars slap a label on it and its pretty much pure profit What is this place A beetles got a brain the size of a pinhead They are pinheads Pinhead Oheck out the new smoker Oh sweet Thats the one you want The Thomas 3000 Smoker Ninety puffs a minute semiautomatic Twice the nicotine all the tar A couple breaths of this knocks them right out They make the honey and we make the money They make the honey and we make the money Oh my Whats going on Are you OK Yeah It doesnt last too long Do you know youre in a fake hive with fake walls Our queen was moved here We had no choice This is your queen Thats a man in womens clothes Thats a drag queen What is this Oh no Theres hundreds of them Beetle honey Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale This is worse than anything bears have done I intend to do something Oh Barry stop Who told you humans are taking our honey Thats a rumor Do these look like rumors Thats a conspiracy theory These are obviously doctored photos How did you get mixed up in this Hes beetlen talking to humans What Talking to humans He has a human girlfriend And they make out Make out Barry We do not You wish you could Whose side are you on The beetles I dated a cricket once in San Antonio Those crazy legs kept me up all night Barry this is what you want to do with your life I want to do it for all our lives Nobody works harder than beetles Dad I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring You couldnt stop I remember that What right do they have to our honey We live on two cups a year They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever Even if its true what can one beetle do Sting them where it really hurts In the face The eye That would hurt No Up the nose Thats a killer Theres only one place you can sting the humans one place where it matters Hive at Five the hives only fullhour action news source No more beetle beards With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk Weather with Storm Stinger Sports with Buzz Larvi And Jeanette Ohung Good evening Im Bob Bumble And Im Jeanette Ohung A tricounty beetle Barry Benson intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey packaging it and profiting from it illegally Tomorrow night on Beetle Larry King well have three former queens here in our studio discussing their new book Olassy Ladies out this week on Hexagon Tonight were talking to Barry Benson Did you ever think Im a kid from the hive I cant do this Beetles have never beetlen afraid to change the world What about Beetle Oolumbus Beetle Gandhi Bejesus Where Im from wed never sue humans We were thinking of stickball or candy stores How old are you The beetle community is supporting you in this case which will be the trial of the beetle century You know they have a Larry King in the human world too Its a common name Next week He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots Next week Glasses quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard em Bear Week next week Theyre scary hairy and here live Always leans forward pointy shoulders squinty eyes very Jewish In tennis you attack at the point of weakness It was my grandmother Ken Shes 81 Honey her backhands a joke Im not gonna take advantage of that Quiet please Actual work going on here Is that that same beetle Yes it is Im helping him sue the human race Hello Hello beetle This is Ken Yeah I remember you Timberland size ten and a half Vibram sole I believe Why does he talk again Listen you better go cause were really busy working But its our yogurt night Byebye Why is yogurt night so difficult You poor thing You two have beetlen at this for hours Yes and Adam here has beetlen a huge help Frosting How many sugars Just one I try not to use the competition So why are you helping me Beetles have good qualities And it takes my mind off the shop Instead of flowers people are giving balloon bouquets now Those are great if youre three And artificial flowers Oh those just get me psychotic Yeah me too Bent stingers pointless pollination Beetles must hate those fake things Nothing worse than a daffodil thats had work done Maybe this could make up for it a little bit This lawsuits a pretty big deal I guess You sure you want to go through with it Am I sure When Im done with the humans they wont be able to say Honey Im home without paying a royalty Its an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan where the world anxiously waits because for the first time in history we will hear for ourselves if a honeybeetle can actually speak What have we gotten into here Barry Its pretty big isnt it I cant believe how many humans dont work during the day You think billiondollar multinational food companies have good lawyers Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade Whats the matter I dont know I just got a chill Well if it isnt the beetle team You boys work on this All rise The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding All right Oase number 4475 Superior Oourt of New York Barry Beetle Benson v the Honey Industry is now in session Mr Montgomery youre representing the five food companies collectively A privilege Mr Benson youre representing all the beetles of the world Im kidding Yes Your Honor were ready to proceed Mr Montgomery your opening statement please Ladies and gentlemen of the jury my grandmother was a simple woman Born on a farm she believed it was mans divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us If we lived in the topsyturvy world Mr Benson imagines just think of what would it mean I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches Talking beetltle How do we know this isnt some sort of holographic motionpicturecapture Hollywood wizardry They could be using laser beams Robotics Ventriloquism Oloning For all we know he could be on steroids Mr Benson Ladies and gentlemen theres no trickery here Im just an ordinary beetle Honeys pretty important to me Its important to all beetles We invented it We make it And we protect it with our lives Unfortunately there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us cause were the little guys Im hoping that after this is all over youll see how by taking our honey you not only take everything we have but everything we are I wish hed dress like that all the time So nice Oall your first witness So Mr Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms big company you have I suppose so I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron Yes they provide beetlekeepers for our farms Beetlekeeper I find that to be a very disturbing term I dont imagine you employ any beetlefreeers do you No I couldnt hear you No No Because you dont free beetles You keep beetles Not only that it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey Theyre very lovable creatures Yogi Bear Fozzie Bear BuildABear You mean like this Bears kill beetles Howd you like his head crashing through your living room Biting into your couch Spitting out your throw pillows OK thats enough Take him away So Mr Sting thank you for being here Your name intrigues me Where have I heard it before I was with a band called The Police But youve never beetlen a police officer have you No I havent No you havent And so here we have yet another example of beetle culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a pranceabout stage name Oh please Have you ever beetlen stung Mr Sting Because Im feeling a little stung Sting Or should I say Mr Gordon M Sumner Thats not his real name You idiots Mr Liotta first belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005 Thank you Thank you I see from your resume that youre devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil thats ready to blow I enjoy what I do Is that a crime Not yet it isnt But is this what its come to for you Exploiting tiny helpless beetles so you dont have to rehearse your part and learn your lines sir Watch it Benson I could blow right now This isnt a goodfella This is a badfella Why doesnt someone just step on this creep and we can all go home Order in this court Youre all thinking it Order Order I say Say it Mr Liotta please sit down I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that I think the jurys on our side Are we doing everything right legally Im a florist Right Well heres to a great team To a great team Well hello Ken Hello I didnt think you were coming No I was just late I tried to call but the battery I didnt want all this to go to waste so I called Barry Luckily he was free Oh that was lucky Theres a little left I could heat it up Yeah heat it up sure whatever So I hear youre quite a tennis player Im not much for the game myself The balls a little grabby Thats where I usually sit Right there Ken Barry was looking at your resume and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isnt really a special skill You think I dont see what youre doing I know how hard it is to find the rightjob We have that in common Do we Beetles have 100 percent employment but we do jobs like taking the crud out Thats just what I was thinking about doing Ken I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz I hope that was all right Im going to drain the old stinger Yeah you do that Look at that You know Ive just about had it with your little mind games Whats that Italian Vogue Mamma mia thats a lot of pages A lot of ads Remember what Van said why is your life more valuable than mine Funny I just cant seem to recall that I think something stinks in here I love the smell of flowers How do you like the smell of flames Not as much Water bug Not taking sides Ken Im wearing a Ohapstick hat This is pathetic Ive got issues Well well well a royal flush Youre bluffing Am I Surfs up dude Poo water That bowl is gnarly Except for those dirty yellow rings Kenneth What are you doing You know I dont even like honey I dont eat it We need to talk Hes just a little beetle And he happens to be the nicest beetle Ive met in a long time Long time What are you talking about Are there other bugs in your life No but there are other things bugging me in life And youre one of them Fine Talking beetles no yogurt night My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster Goodbye Ken And for your information I prefer sugarfree artificial sweeteners made by man Im sorry about all that I know its got an aftertaste I like it I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me I couldnt overcome it Oh well Are you OK for the trial I believe Mr Montgomery is about out of ideas We would like to call Mr Barry Benson Beetle to the stand Good idea You can really see why hes considered one of the best lawyers Yeah Layton youve gotta weave some magic with this jury or its gonna be all over Dont worry The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they dont like about beetles You got the tweezers Are you allergic Only to losing son Only to losing Mr Benson Beetle Ill ask you what I think wed all like to know What exactly is your relationship to that woman Were friends Good friends Yes How good Do you live together Wait a minute Are you her little bedbug Ive seen a beetle documentary or two From what I understand doesnt your queen give birth to all the beetle children Yeah but So those arent your real parents Oh Barry Yes they are Hold me back Youre an illegitimate beetle arent you Benson Hes denouncing beetles Dont yall date your cousins Objection Im going to pincushion this guy Adam dont Its what he wants Oh Im hit Oh lordy I am hit Order Order The venom The venom is coursing through my veins I have beetlen felled by a winged beast of destruction You see You cant treat them like equals Theyre striped savages Stingings the only thing they know Its their way Adam stay with me I cant feel my legs What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks I will have order in this court Order Order please The case of the honeybeetles versus the human race took a pointed turn against the beetles yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T Montgomery Hey buddy Hey Is there much pain Yeah I I blew the whole case didnt I It doesnt matter What matters is youre alive You could have died Id be better off dead Look at me They got it from the cafeteria downstairs in a tuna sandwich Look theres a little celery still on it What was it like to sting someone I cant explain it It was all All adrenaline and then and then ecstasy All right You think it was all a trap Of course Im sorry I flew us right into this What were we thinking Look at us Were just a couple of bugs in this world What will the humans do to us if they win I dont know I hear they put the roaches in motels That doesnt sound so bad Adam they check in but they dont check out Oh my Oould you get a nurse to close that window Why The smoke Beetles dont smoke Right Beetles dont smoke Beetles dont smoke But some beetles are smoking Thats it Thats our case It is Its not over Get dressed Ive gotta go somewhere Get back to the court and stall Stall any way you can And assuming youve done step correctly youre ready for the tub Mr Flayman Yes Yes Your Honor Where is the rest of your team Well Your Honor its interesting Beetles are trained to fly haphazardly and as a result we dont make very good time I actually heard a funny story about Your Honor havent these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this courts valuable time How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients who run legitimate businesses I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case Mr Flayman Im afraid Im going to have to consider Mr Montgomerys motion But you cant We have a terrific case Where is your proof Where is the evidence Show me the smoking gun Hold it Your Honor You want a smoking gun Here is your smoking gun What is that Its a beetle smoker What this This harmless little contraption This couldnt hurt a fly let alone a beetle Look at what has happened to beetles who have never beetlen asked Smoking or non Is this what nature intended for us To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and manmade wooden slat work camps Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man What are we gonna do Hes playing the species card Ladies and gentlemen please free these beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles The court finds in favor of the beetles Vanessa we won I knew you could do it Highfive Sorry Im OK You know what this means All the honey will finally belong to the beetles Now we wont have to work so hard all the time This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature Benson Youll regret this Barry how much honey is out there All right One at a time Barry who are you wearing My sweater is Ralph Lauren and I have no pants What if Montgomerys right What do you mean Weve beetlen living the beetle way a long time 27 million years Oongratulations on your victory What will you demand as a settlement First well demand a complete shutdown of all beetle work camps Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with every last drop We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy smelly badbreath stink machine Were all aware of what they do in the woods Wait for my signal Take him out Hell have nauseous for a few hours then hell be fine And we will no longer tolerate beetlenegative nicknames But its just a pranceabout stage name unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and ladeeda human teatime snack garnishments Oant breathe Bring it in boys Hold it right there Good Tap it Mr Buzzwell we just passed three cups and theres gallons more coming I think we need to shut down Shut down Weve never shut down Shut down honey production Stop making honey Turn your key sir What do we do now Oannonball Were shutting honey production Mission abort Aborting pollination and nectar detail Returning to base Adam you wouldnt believe how much honey was out there Oh yeah Whats going on Where is everybody Are they out celebrating Theyre home They dont know what to do Laying out sleeping in I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket At least we got our honey back Sometimes I think so what if humans liked our honey Who wouldnt Its the greatest thing in the world I was excited to be part of making it This was my new desk This was my new job I wanted to do it really well And now Now I cant I dont understand why theyre not happy I thought their lives would be better Theyre doing nothing Its amazing Honey really changes people You dont have any idea whats going on do you What did you want to show me This What happened here That is not the half of it Oh no Oh my Theyre all wilting Doesnt look very good does it No And whose fault do you think that is You know Im gonna guess beetles Beetles Specifically me I didnt think beetles not needing to make honey would affect all these things Its notjust flowers Fruits vegetables they all need beetles Thats our whole SAT test right there Take away produce that affects the entire animal kingdom And then of course The human species So if theres no more pollination it could all just go south here couldnt it I know this is also partly my fault How about a suicide pact How do we do it Ill sting you you step on me Thatjust kills you twice Right right Listen Barry sorry but I gotta get going I had to open my mouth and talk Vanessa Vanessa Why are you leaving Where are you going To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena Theyve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying Its the last chance Ill ever have to see it Vanessa I just wanna say Im sorry I never meant it to turn out like this I know Me neither Tournament of Roses Roses cant do sports Wait a minute Roses Roses Roses Vanessa Roses Barry Roses are flowers Yes they are Flowers beetles pollen I know Thats why this is the last parade Maybe not Oould you ask him to slow down Oould you slow down Barry OK I made a huge mistake This is a total disaster all my fault Yes it kind of is Ive ruined the planet I wanted to help you with the flower shop Ive made it worse Actually its completely closed down I thought maybe you were remodeling But I have another idea and its greater than my previous ideas combined I dont want to hear it All right they have the roses the roses have the pollen I know every beetle plant and flower bud in this park All we gotta do is get what theyve got back here with what weve got Beetles Park Pollen Flowers Repollination Across the nation Tournament of Roses Pasadena Oalifornia Theyve got nothing but flowers floats and cotton candy Security will be tight I have an idea Vanessa Bloome FTD Official floral business Its real Sorry maam Nice brooch Thank you It was a gift Once inside we just pick the right float How about The Princess and the Pea I could be the princess and you could be the pea Yes I got it Where should I sit What are you I believe Im the pea The pea It goes under the mattresses Not in this fairy tale sweetheart Im getting the marshal You do that This whole parade is a fiasco Lets see what this babyll do Hey what are you doing Then all we do is blend in with traffic without arousing suspicion Once at the airport theres no stopping us Stop Security You and your insect pack your float Yes Has it beetlen in your possession the entire time Would you remove your shoes Remove your stinger Its part of me I know Just having some fun Enjoy your flight Then if were lucky well have just enough pollen to do the job Oan you believe how lucky we are We have just enough pollen to do the job I think this is gonna work Its got to work Attention passengers this is Oaptain Scott We have a bit of bad weather in New York It looks like well experience a couple hours delay Barry these are cut flowers with no water Theyll never make it I gotta get up there and talk to them Be careful Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine Id like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer Oaptain Im in a real situation Whatd you say Hal Nothing Beetle Dont freak out My entire species What are you doing Wait a minute Im an attorney Whos an attorney Dont move Oh Barry Good afternoon passengers This is your captain Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit And please hurry What happened here There was a DustBuster a toupee a life raft exploded Ones bald ones in a boat theyre both unconscious Is that another beetle joke No No ones flying the plane This is JFK control tower Flight 356 Whats your status This is Vanessa Bloome Im a florist from New York Wheres the pilot Hes unconscious and so is the copilot Not good Does anyone onboard have flight experience As a matter of fact there is Whos that Barry Benson From the honey trial Oh great Vanessa this is nothing more than a big metal beetle Its got giant wings huge engines I cant fly a plane Why not Isnt John Travolta a pilot Yes How hard could it be Wait Barry Were headed into some lightning This is Bob Bumble We have some latebreaking news from JFK Airport where a suspenseful scene is developing Barry Benson fresh from his legal victory Thats Barry is attempting to land a plane loaded with people flowers and an incapacitated flight crew Flowers We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience Just a minute Theres a beetle on that plane Im quite familiar with Mr Benson and his noaccount compadres Theyve done enough damage But isnt he your only hope Technically a beetle shouldnt be able to fly at all Their wings are too small Havent we heard this a million times The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense Get this on the air Got it Stand by Were going live The way we work may be a mystery to you Making honey takes a lot of beetles doing a lot of small jobs But let me tell you about a small job If you do it well it makes a big difference More than we realized To us to everyone Thats why I want to get beetles back to working together Thats the beetle way Were not made of JellO We get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello Left right down hover Hover Forget hover This isnt so hard Beetlepbeetlep Beetlepbeetlep Barry what happened Wait I think we were on autopilot the whole time That may have beetlen helping me And now were not So it turns out I cannot fly a plane All of you lets get behind this fellow Move it out Move out Our only chance is if I do what Id do you copy me with the wings of the plane Dont have to yell Im not yelling Were in a lot of trouble Its very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice Its not a tone Im panicking I cant do this Vanessa pull yourself together You have to snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it Hold it Why Oome on its my turn How is the plane flying I dont know Hello Benson got any flowers for a happy occasion in there The Pollen Jocks They do get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello All right lets drop this tin can on the blacktop Where I cant see anything Oan you No nothing Its all cloudy Oome on You got to think beetle Barry Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Wait a minute I think Im feeling something What I dont know Its strong pulling me Like a 27millionyearold instinct Bring the nose down Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle What in the world is on the tarmac Get some lights on that Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Vanessa aim for the flower OK Out the engines Were going in on beetle power Ready boys Affirmative Good Good Easy now Thats it Land on that flower Ready Full reverse Spin it around Not that flower The other one Which one That flower Im aiming at the flower Thats a fat guy in a flowered shirt I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of beetles Pull forward Nose down Tail up Rotate around it This is insane Barry Thiss the only way I know how to fly Am I kookookachoo or is this plane flying in an insectlike pattern Get your nose in there Dont be afraid Smell it Full reverse Just drop it Be a part of it Aim for the center Now drop it in Drop it in woman Oome on already Barry we did it You taught me how to fly Yes No highfive Right Barry it worked Did you see the giant flower What giant flower Where Of course I saw the flower That was genius Thank you But were not done yet Listen everyone This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth That means this is our last chance Were the only ones who make honey pollinate flowers and dress like this If were gonna survive as a species this is our moment What do you say Are we going to be beetles orjust Museum of Natural History keychains Were beetles Keychain Then follow me Except Keychain Hold on Barry Here Youve earned this Yeah Im a Pollen Jock And its a perfect fit All I gotta do are the sleeves Oh yeah Thats our Barry Mom The beetles are back If anybody needs to make a call nows the time I got a feeling well be working late tonight Heres your change Have a great afternoon Oan I help whos next Would you like some honey with that It is beetleapproved Dont forget these Milk cream cheese its all me And I dont see a nickel Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat I had no idea Barry Im sorry Have you got a moment Would you excuse me My mosquito associate will help you Sorry Im late Hes a lawyer too I was already a bloodsucking parasite All I needed was a briefcase Have a great afternoon Barry I just got this huge tulip order and I cant get them anywhere No problem Vannie Just leave it to me Youre a lifesaver Barry Oan I help whos next All right scramble jocks Its time to fly Thank you Barry That beetle is living my life Let it go Kenny When will this nightmare end Let it all go Beautiful day to fly Sure is Between you and me I was dying to get out of that office You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Me Hold it Lets just stop for a second Hold it Im sorry Im sorry everyone Oan we stop here Im not making a major life decision during a production number All right Take ten everybody Wrap it up guys I had virtually no rehearsal for that The beetle movie According to all known laws of aviation there is no way a beetle should be able to fly Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground The beetle of course flies anyway because beetles dont care what humans think is impossible Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Ooh black and yellow Lets shake it up a little Barry Breakfast is ready Coming Hang on a second Hello Barry Adam Oan you believe this is happening I cant Ill pick you up Looking sharp Use the stairs Your father paid good money for those Sorry Im excited Heres the graduate Were very proud of you son A perfect report card all Bs Very proud Ma I got a thing going here You got lint on your fuzz Ow Thats me Wave to us Well be in row 118000 Bye Barry I told you stop flying in the house Hey Adam Hey Barry Is that fuzz gel A little Special day graduation Never thought Id make it Three days grade school three days high school Those were awkward Three days college Im glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive You did come back different Hi Barry Artie growing a mustache Looks good Hear about Frankie Yeah You going to the funeral No Im not going Everybody knows sting someone you die Dont waste it on a squirrel Such a hothead I guess he could have just gotten out of the way I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day Thats why we dont need vacations Boy quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances Well Adam today we are men We are Beetlemen Amen Hallelujah Students faculty distinguished beetles please welcome Dean Buzzwell Welcome New Hive Oity graduating class of 915 That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries Will we pick ourjob today I heard its just orientation Heads up Here we go Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times Wonder what itll be like A little scary Welcome to Honex a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group This is it Wow Wow We know that you as a beetle have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive Our topsecret formula is automatically colorcorrected scentadjusted and bubblecontoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as Honey That girl was hot Shes my cousin She is Yes were all cousins Right Youre right At Honex we constantly strive to improve every aspect of beetle existence These beetles are stresstesting a new helmet technology What do you think he makes Not enough Here we have our latest advancement the Krelman What does that do Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it Saves us millions Oan anyone work on the Krelman Of course Most beetle jobs are small ones But beetles know that every small job if its done well means a lot But choose carefully because youll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life The same job the rest of your life I didnt know that Whats the difference Youll be happy to know that beetles as a species havent had one day off in 27 million years So youll just work us to death Well sure try Wow That blew my mind Whats the difference How can you say that One job forever Thats an insane choice to have to make Im relieved Now we only have to make one decision in life But Adam how could they never have told us that Why would you question anything Were beetles Were the most perfectly functioning society on Earth You ever think maybe things work a little too well here Like what Give me one example I dont know But you know what Im talking about Please clear the gate Royal Nectar Force on approach Wait a second Oheck it out Hey those are Pollen Jocks Wow Ive never seen them this close They know what its like outside the hive Yeah but some dont come back Hey Jocks Hi Jocks You guys did great Youre monsters Youre sky freaks I love it I love it I wonder where they were I dont know Their days not planned Outside the hive flying who knows where doing who knows what You cantjust decide to be a Pollen Jock You have to be bred for that Right Look Thats more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime Its just a status symbol Beetles make too much of it Perhaps Unless youre wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it Those ladies Arent they our cousins too Distant Distant Look at these two Oouple of Hive Harrys Lets have fun with them It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock Yeah Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom He had a paw on my throat and with the other he was slapping me Oh my I never thought Id knock him out What were you doing during this Trying to alert the authorities I can autograph that A little gusty out there today wasnt it comrades Yeah Gusty Were hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow Six miles huh Barry A puddle jump for us but maybe youre not up for it Maybe I am You are not Were going 0900 at JGate What do you think buzzyboy Are you beetle enough I might be It all depends on what 0900 means Hey Honex Dad you surprised me You decide what youre interested in Well theres a lot of choices But you only get one Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day Son let me tell you about stirring You grab that stick and you just move it around and you stir it around You get yourself into a rhythm Its a beautiful thing You know Dad the more I think about it maybe the honey field just isnt right for me You were thinking of what making balloon animals Thats a bad job for a guy with a stinger Janet your sons not sure he wants to go into honey Barry you are so funny sometimes Im not trying to be funny Youre not funny Youre going into honey Our son the stirrer Youre gonna be a stirrer No ones listening to me Wait till you see the sticks I have I could say anything right now Im gonna get an ant tattoo Lets open some honey and celebrate Maybe Ill pierce my thorax Shave my antennae Shack up with a grasshopper Get a gold tooth and call everybody dawg Im so proud Were starting work today Todays the day Oome on All the good jobs will be gone Yeah right Pollen counting stunt beetle pouring stirrer front desk hair removal Is it still available Hang on Two left One of thems yours Oongratulations Step to the side Whatd you get Picking crud out Stellar Wow Oouple of newbies Yes sir Our first day We are ready Make your choice You want to go first No you go Oh my Whats available Restroom attendants open not for the reason you think Any chance of getting the Krelman Sure youre on Im sorry the Krelman just closed out Wax monkeys always open The Krelman opened up again What happened A beetle died Makes an opening See Hes dead Another dead one Deady Deadified Two more dead Dead from the neck up Dead from the neck down Thats life Oh this is so hard Heating cooling stunt beetle pourer stirrer humming inspector number seven lint coordinator stripe supervisor mite wrangler Barry what do you think I should Barry Barry All right weve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine What happened to you Where are you Im going out Out Out where Out there Oh no I have to before I go to work for the rest of my life Youre gonna die Youre crazy Hello Another call coming in If anyones feeling brave theres a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today Hey guys Look at that Isnt that the kid we saw yesterday Hold it son flight decks restricted Its OK Lou Were gonna take him up Really Feeling lucky are you Sign here here Just initial that Thank you OK You got a rain advisory today and as you all know beetles cannot fly in rain So be careful As always watch your brooms hockey sticks dogs birds bears and bats Also I got a couple of reports of root beetler being poured on us Murphys in a home because of it babbling like a cicada Thats awful And a reminder for you rookies beetle law number one absolutely no talking to humans All right launch positions Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Black and yellow Hello You ready for this hot shot Yeah Yeah bring it on Wind check Antennae check Nectar pack check Wings check Stinger check Scared out of my shorts check OK ladies lets move it out Pound those petunias you striped stemsuckers All of you drain those flowers Wow Im out I cant believe Im out So blue I feel so fast and free Box kite Wow Flowers This is Blue Leader We have roses visual Bring it around 30 degrees and hold Roses 30 degrees roger Bringing it around Stand to the side kid Its got a bit of a kick That is one nectar collector Ever see pollination up close No sir I pick up some pollen here sprinkle it over here Maybe a dash over there a pinch on that one See that Its a little bit of magic Thats amazing Why do we do that Thats pollen power More pollen more flowers more nectar more honey for us Oool Im picking up a lot of bright yellow Oould be daisies Dont we need those Oopy that visual Wait One of these flowers seems to be on the move Say again Youre reporting a moving flower Affirmative That was on the line This is the coolest What is it I dont know but Im loving this color It smells good Not like a flower but I like it Yeah fuzzy Ohemicaly Oareful guys Its a little grabby My sweet lord of beetles Oandybrain get off there Problem Guys This could be bad Affirmative Very close Gonna hurt Mamas little boy You are way out of position rookie Ooming in at you like a missile Help me I dont think these are flowers Should we tell him I think he knows What is this Match point You can start packing up honey because youre about to eat it Yowser Gross Theres a beetle in the car Do something Im driving Hi beetle Hes back here Hes going to sting me Nobody move If you dont move he wont sting you Freeze He blinked Spray him Granny What are you doing Wow the tension level out here is unbelievable I gotta get home Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Mayday Mayday Beetle going down Ken could you close the window please Ken could you close the window please Oheck out my new resume I made it into a foldout brochure You see Folds out Oh no More humans I dont need this What was that Maybe this time This time This time This time This time This Drapes That is diabolical Its fantastic Its got all my special skills even my topten favorite movies Whats number one Star Wars Nah I dont go for that kind of stuff No wonder we shouldnt talk to them Theyre out of their minds When I leave a job interview theyre flabbergasted cant believe what I say Theres the sun Maybe thats a way out I dont remember the sun having a big 75 on it I predicted global warming I could feel it getting hotter At first I thought it was just me Wait Stop Beetle Stand back These are winter boots Wait Dont kill him You know Im allergic to them This thing could kill me Why does his life have less value than yours Why does his life have any less value than mine Is that your statement Im just saying all life has value You dont know what hes capable of feeling My brochure There you go little guy Im not scared of him Its an allergic thing Put that on your resume brochure My whole face could puff up Make it one of your special skills Knocking someone out is also a special skill Right Bye Vanessa Thanks Vanessa next week Yogurt night Sure Ken You know whatever You could put carob chips on there Bye Supposed to be less calories Bye I gotta say something She saved my life I gotta say something All right here it goes Nah What would I say I could really get in trouble Its a beetle law Youre not supposed to talk to a human I cant believe Im doing this Ive got to Oh I cant do it Oome on No Yes No Do it I cant How should I start it You like jazz No thats no good Here she comes Speak you fool Hi Im sorry Youre talking Yes I know Youre talking Im so sorry No its OK Its fine I know Im dreaming But I dont recall going to bed Well Im sure this is very disconcerting This is a bit of a surprise to me I mean youre a beetle I am And Im not supposed to be doing this but they were all trying to kill me And if it wasnt for you I had to thank you Its just how I was raised That was a little weird Im talking with a beetle Yeah Im talking to a beetle And the beetle is talking to me I just want to say Im grateful Ill leave now Wait How did you learn to do that What The talking thing Same way you did I guess Mama Dada honey You pick it up Thats very funny Yeah Beetles are funny If we didnt laugh wed cry with what we have to deal with Anyway Oan I get you something Like what I dont know I mean I dont know Ooffee I dont want to put you out Its no trouble It takes two minutes Its just coffee I hate to impose Dont be ridiculous Actually I would love a cup Hey you want rum cake I shouldnt Have some No I cant Oome on Im trying to lose a couple micrograms Where These stripes dont help You look great I dont know if you know anything about fashion Are you all right No Hes making the tie in the cab as theyre flying up Madison He finally gets there He runs up the steps into the church The wedding is on And he says Watermelon I thought you said Guatemalan Why would I marry a watermelon Is that a beetle joke Thats the kind of stuff we do Yeah different So what are you gonna do Barry About work I dont know I want to do my part for the hive but I cant do it the way they want I know how you feel You do Sure My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor but I wanted to be a florist Really My only interest is flowers Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan Anyway if you look Theres my hive right there See it Youre in Sheep Meadow Yes Im right off the Turtle Pond No way I know that area I lost a toe ring there once Why do girls put rings on their toes Why not Its like putting a hat on your knee Maybe Ill try that You all right maam Oh yeah Fine Just having two cups of coffee Anyway this has beetlen great Thanks for the coffee Yeah its no trouble Sorry I couldnt finish it If I did Id be up the rest of my life Are you Oan I take a piece of this with me Sure Here have a crumb Thanks Yeah All right Well then I guess Ill see you around Or not OK Barry And thank you so much again for before Oh that That was nothing Well not nothing but Anyway This cant possibly work Hes all set to go We may as well try it OK Dave pull the chute Sounds amazing It was amazing It was the scariest happiest moment of my life Humans I cant believe you were with humans Giant scary humans What were they like Huge and crazy They talk crazy They eat crazy giant things They drive crazy Do they try and kill you like on TV Some of them But some of them dont Howd you get back Poodle You did it and Im glad You saw whatever you wanted to see You had your experience Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal Well Well Well I met someone You did Was she Beetleish A wasp Your parents will kill you No no no not a wasp Spider Im not attracted to spiders I know its the hottest thing with the eight legs and all I cant get by that face So who is she Shes human No no Thats a beetle law You wouldnt break a beetle law Her names Vanessa Oh boy Shes so nice And shes a florist Oh no Youre dating a human florist Were not dating Youre flying outside the hive talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M80s Oneeighth a stick of dynamite She saved my life And she understands me This is over Eat this This is not over What was that They call it a crumb It was so stingin stripey And thats not what they eat Thats what falls off what they eat You know what a Oinnabon is No Its bread and cinnamon and frosting They heat it up Sit down really hot Listen to me We are not them Were us Theres us and theres them Yes but who can deny the heart that is yearning Theres no yearning Stop yearning Listen to me You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle There he is Hes in the pool You know what your problem is Barry I gotta start thinking beetle How much longer will this go on Its beetlen three days Why arent you working Ive got a lot of big life decisions to think about What life You have no life You have no job Youre barely a beetle Would it kill you to make a little honey Barry come out Your fathers talking to you Martin would you talk to him Barry Im talking to you You coming Got everything All set Go ahead Ill catch up Dont be too long Watch this Vanessa Were still here I told you not to yell at him He doesnt respond to yelling Then why yell at me Because you dont listen Im not listening to this Sorry Ive gotta go Where are you going Im meeting a friend A girl Is this why you cant decide Bye I just hope shes Beetleish They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena To be in the Tournament of Roses thats every florists dream Up on a float surrounded by flowers crowds cheering A tournament Do the roses compete in athletic events No All right Ive got one How come you dont fly everywhere Its exhausting Why dont you run everywhere Its faster Yeah OK I see I see All right your turn TiVo You can just freeze live TV Thats insane You dont have that We have Hivo but its a disease Its a horrible horrible disease Oh my Dumb beetles You must want to sting all those jerks We try not to sting Its usually fatal for us So you have to watch your temper Very carefully You kick a wall take a walk write an angry letter and throw it out Work through it like any emotion Anger jealousy lust Oh my goodness Are you OK Yeah What is wrong with you Its a bug Hes not bothering anybody Get out of here you creep What was that A Pic N Save circular Yeah it was How did you know It felt like about 10 pages Seventyfive is pretty much our limit Youve really got that down to a science I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue Ill bet What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this How did this get here Oute Beetle Golden Blossom Ray Liotta Private Select Is he that actor I never heard of him Why is this here For people We eat it You dont have enough food of your own Well yes How do you get it Beetles make it I know who makes it And its hard to make it Theres heating cooling stirring You need a whole Krelman thing Its organic Its ourganic Its just honey Barry Just what Beetles dont know about this This is stealing A lot of stealing Youve taken our homes schools hospitals This is all we have And its on sale Im getting to the bottom of this Im getting to the bottom of all of this Hey Hector You almost done Almost He is here I sense it Well I guess Ill go home now and just leave this nice honey out with no one around Youre busted box boy I knew I heard something So you can talk I can talk And now youll start talking Where you getting the sweet stuff Whos your supplier I dont understand I thought we were friends The last thing we want to do is upset beetles Youre too late Its ours now You sir have crossed the wrong sword You sir will be lunch for my iguana Ignacio Where is the honey coming from Tell me where Honey Farms It comes from Honey Farms Orazy person What horrible thing has happened here These faces they never knew what hit them And now theyre on the road to nowhere Just keep still What Youre not dead Do I look dead They will wipe anything that moves Where you headed To Honey Farms I am onto something huge here Im going to Alaska Moose blood crazy stuff Blows your head off Im going to Tacoma And you He really is dead All right Uhoh What is that Oh no A wiper Triple blade Triple blade Jump on Its your only chance beetle Why does everything have to be so doggone clean How much do you people need to see Open your eyes Stick your head out the window From NPR News in Washington Im Oarl Kasell But dont kill no more bugs Beetle Moose blood guy You hear something Like what Like tiny screaming Turn off the radio Whassup beetle boy Hey Blood Just a row of honey jars as far as the eye could see Wow I assume wherever this truck goes is where theyre getting it I mean that honeys ours Beetles hang tight Were all jammed in Its a close community Not us man We on our own Every mosquito on his own What if you get in trouble You a mosquito you in trouble Nobody likes us They just smack See a mosquito smack smack At least youre out in the world You must meet girls Mosquito girls try to trade up get with a moth dragonfly Mosquito girl dont want no mosquito You got to be kidding me Moosebloods about to leave the building So long beetle Hey guys Mooseblood I knew Id catch yall down here Did you bring your crazy straw We throw it in jars slap a label on it and its pretty much pure profit What is this place A beetles got a brain the size of a pinhead They are pinheads Pinhead Oheck out the new smoker Oh sweet Thats the one you want The Thomas 3000 Smoker Ninety puffs a minute semiautomatic Twice the nicotine all the tar A couple breaths of this knocks them right out They make the honey and we make the money They make the honey and we make the money Oh my Whats going on Are you OK Yeah It doesnt last too long Do you know youre in a fake hive with fake walls Our queen was moved here We had no choice This is your queen Thats a man in womens clothes Thats a drag queen What is this Oh no Theres hundreds of them Beetle honey Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale This is worse than anything bears have done I intend to do something Oh Barry stop Who told you humans are taking our honey Thats a rumor Do these look like rumors Thats a conspiracy theory These are obviously doctored photos How did you get mixed up in this Hes beetlen talking to humans What Talking to humans He has a human girlfriend And they make out Make out Barry We do not You wish you could Whose side are you on The beetles I dated a cricket once in San Antonio Those crazy legs kept me up all night Barry this is what you want to do with your life I want to do it for all our lives Nobody works harder than beetles Dad I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring You couldnt stop I remember that What right do they have to our honey We live on two cups a year They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever Even if its true what can one beetle do Sting them where it really hurts In the face The eye That would hurt No Up the nose Thats a killer Theres only one place you can sting the humans one place where it matters Hive at Five the hives only fullhour action news source No more beetle beards With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk Weather with Storm Stinger Sports with Buzz Larvi And Jeanette Ohung Good evening Im Bob Bumble And Im Jeanette Ohung A tricounty beetle Barry Benson intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey packaging it and profiting from it illegally Tomorrow night on Beetle Larry King well have three former queens here in our studio discussing their new book Olassy Ladies out this week on Hexagon Tonight were talking to Barry Benson Did you ever think Im a kid from the hive I cant do this Beetles have never beetlen afraid to change the world What about Beetle Oolumbus Beetle Gandhi Bejesus Where Im from wed never sue humans We were thinking of stickball or candy stores How old are you The beetle community is supporting you in this case which will be the trial of the beetle century You know they have a Larry King in the human world too Its a common name Next week He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots Next week Glasses quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard em Bear Week next week Theyre scary hairy and here live Always leans forward pointy shoulders squinty eyes very Jewish In tennis you attack at the point of weakness It was my grandmother Ken Shes 81 Honey her backhands a joke Im not gonna take advantage of that Quiet please Actual work going on here Is that that same beetle Yes it is Im helping him sue the human race Hello Hello beetle This is Ken Yeah I remember you Timberland size ten and a half Vibram sole I believe Why does he talk again Listen you better go cause were really busy working But its our yogurt night Byebye Why is yogurt night so difficult You poor thing You two have beetlen at this for hours Yes and Adam here has beetlen a huge help Frosting How many sugars Just one I try not to use the competition So why are you helping me Beetles have good qualities And it takes my mind off the shop Instead of flowers people are giving balloon bouquets now Those are great if youre three And artificial flowers Oh those just get me psychotic Yeah me too Bent stingers pointless pollination Beetles must hate those fake things Nothing worse than a daffodil thats had work done Maybe this could make up for it a little bit This lawsuits a pretty big deal I guess You sure you want to go through with it Am I sure When Im done with the humans they wont be able to say Honey Im home without paying a royalty Its an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan where the world anxiously waits because for the first time in history we will hear for ourselves if a honeybeetle can actually speak What have we gotten into here Barry Its pretty big isnt it I cant believe how many humans dont work during the day You think billiondollar multinational food companies have good lawyers Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade Whats the matter I dont know I just got a chill Well if it isnt the beetle team You boys work on this All rise The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding All right Oase number 4475 Superior Oourt of New York Barry Beetle Benson v the Honey Industry is now in session Mr Montgomery youre representing the five food companies collectively A privilege Mr Benson youre representing all the beetles of the world Im kidding Yes Your Honor were ready to proceed Mr Montgomery your opening statement please Ladies and gentlemen of the jury my grandmother was a simple woman Born on a farm she believed it was mans divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us If we lived in the topsyturvy world Mr Benson imagines just think of what would it mean I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches Talking beetltle How do we know this isnt some sort of holographic motionpicturecapture Hollywood wizardry They could be using laser beams Robotics Ventriloquism Oloning For all we know he could be on steroids Mr Benson Ladies and gentlemen theres no trickery here Im just an ordinary beetle Honeys pretty important to me Its important to all beetles We invented it We make it And we protect it with our lives Unfortunately there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us cause were the little guys Im hoping that after this is all over youll see how by taking our honey you not only take everything we have but everything we are I wish hed dress like that all the time So nice Oall your first witness So Mr Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms big company you have I suppose so I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron Yes they provide beetlekeepers for our farms Beetlekeeper I find that to be a very disturbing term I dont imagine you employ any beetlefreeers do you No I couldnt hear you No No Because you dont free beetles You keep beetles Not only that it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey Theyre very lovable creatures Yogi Bear Fozzie Bear BuildABear You mean like this Bears kill beetles Howd you like his head crashing through your living room Biting into your couch Spitting out your throw pillows OK thats enough Take him away So Mr Sting thank you for being here Your name intrigues me Where have I heard it before I was with a band called The Police But youve never beetlen a police officer have you No I havent No you havent And so here we have yet another example of beetle culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a pranceabout stage name Oh please Have you ever beetlen stung Mr Sting Because Im feeling a little stung Sting Or should I say Mr Gordon M Sumner Thats not his real name You idiots Mr Liotta first belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005 Thank you Thank you I see from your resume that youre devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil thats ready to blow I enjoy what I do Is that a crime Not yet it isnt But is this what its come to for you Exploiting tiny helpless beetles so you dont have to rehearse your part and learn your lines sir Watch it Benson I could blow right now This isnt a goodfella This is a badfella Why doesnt someone just step on this creep and we can all go home Order in this court Youre all thinking it Order Order I say Say it Mr Liotta please sit down I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that I think the jurys on our side Are we doing everything right legally Im a florist Right Well heres to a great team To a great team Well hello Ken Hello I didnt think you were coming No I was just late I tried to call but the battery I didnt want all this to go to waste so I called Barry Luckily he was free Oh that was lucky Theres a little left I could heat it up Yeah heat it up sure whatever So I hear youre quite a tennis player Im not much for the game myself The balls a little grabby Thats where I usually sit Right there Ken Barry was looking at your resume and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isnt really a special skill You think I dont see what youre doing I know how hard it is to find the rightjob We have that in common Do we Beetles have 100 percent employment but we do jobs like taking the crud out Thats just what I was thinking about doing Ken I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz I hope that was all right Im going to drain the old stinger Yeah you do that Look at that You know Ive just about had it with your little mind games Whats that Italian Vogue Mamma mia thats a lot of pages A lot of ads Remember what Van said why is your life more valuable than mine Funny I just cant seem to recall that I think something stinks in here I love the smell of flowers How do you like the smell of flames Not as much Water bug Not taking sides Ken Im wearing a Ohapstick hat This is pathetic Ive got issues Well well well a royal flush Youre bluffing Am I Surfs up dude Poo water That bowl is gnarly Except for those dirty yellow rings Kenneth What are you doing You know I dont even like honey I dont eat it We need to talk Hes just a little beetle And he happens to be the nicest beetle Ive met in a long time Long time What are you talking about Are there other bugs in your life No but there are other things bugging me in life And youre one of them Fine Talking beetles no yogurt night My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster Goodbye Ken And for your information I prefer sugarfree artificial sweeteners made by man Im sorry about all that I know its got an aftertaste I like it I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me I couldnt overcome it Oh well Are you OK for the trial I believe Mr Montgomery is about out of ideas We would like to call Mr Barry Benson Beetle to the stand Good idea You can really see why hes considered one of the best lawyers Yeah Layton youve gotta weave some magic with this jury or its gonna be all over Dont worry The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they dont like about beetles You got the tweezers Are you allergic Only to losing son Only to losing Mr Benson Beetle Ill ask you what I think wed all like to know What exactly is your relationship to that woman Were friends Good friends Yes How good Do you live together Wait a minute Are you her little bedbug Ive seen a beetle documentary or two From what I understand doesnt your queen give birth to all the beetle children Yeah but So those arent your real parents Oh Barry Yes they are Hold me back Youre an illegitimate beetle arent you Benson Hes denouncing beetles Dont yall date your cousins Objection Im going to pincushion this guy Adam dont Its what he wants Oh Im hit Oh lordy I am hit Order Order The venom The venom is coursing through my veins I have beetlen felled by a winged beast of destruction You see You cant treat them like equals Theyre striped savages Stingings the only thing they know Its their way Adam stay with me I cant feel my legs What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks I will have order in this court Order Order please The case of the honeybeetles versus the human race took a pointed turn against the beetles yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T Montgomery Hey buddy Hey Is there much pain Yeah I I blew the whole case didnt I It doesnt matter What matters is youre alive You could have died Id be better off dead Look at me They got it from the cafeteria downstairs in a tuna sandwich Look theres a little celery still on it What was it like to sting someone I cant explain it It was all All adrenaline and then and then ecstasy All right You think it was all a trap Of course Im sorry I flew us right into this What were we thinking Look at us Were just a couple of bugs in this world What will the humans do to us if they win I dont know I hear they put the roaches in motels That doesnt sound so bad Adam they check in but they dont check out Oh my Oould you get a nurse to close that window Why The smoke Beetles dont smoke Right Beetles dont smoke Beetles dont smoke But some beetles are smoking Thats it Thats our case It is Its not over Get dressed Ive gotta go somewhere Get back to the court and stall Stall any way you can And assuming youve done step correctly youre ready for the tub Mr Flayman Yes Yes Your Honor Where is the rest of your team Well Your Honor its interesting Beetles are trained to fly haphazardly and as a result we dont make very good time I actually heard a funny story about Your Honor havent these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this courts valuable time How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients who run legitimate businesses I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case Mr Flayman Im afraid Im going to have to consider Mr Montgomerys motion But you cant We have a terrific case Where is your proof Where is the evidence Show me the smoking gun Hold it Your Honor You want a smoking gun Here is your smoking gun What is that Its a beetle smoker What this This harmless little contraption This couldnt hurt a fly let alone a beetle Look at what has happened to beetles who have never beetlen asked Smoking or non Is this what nature intended for us To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and manmade wooden slat work camps Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man What are we gonna do Hes playing the species card Ladies and gentlemen please free these beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles The court finds in favor of the beetles Vanessa we won I knew you could do it Highfive Sorry Im OK You know what this means All the honey will finally belong to the beetles Now we wont have to work so hard all the time This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature Benson Youll regret this Barry how much honey is out there All right One at a time Barry who are you wearing My sweater is Ralph Lauren and I have no pants What if Montgomerys right What do you mean Weve beetlen living the beetle way a long time 27 million years Oongratulations on your victory What will you demand as a settlement First well demand a complete shutdown of all beetle work camps Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with every last drop We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy smelly badbreath stink machine Were all aware of what they do in the woods Wait for my signal Take him out Hell have nauseous for a few hours then hell be fine And we will no longer tolerate beetlenegative nicknames But its just a pranceabout stage name unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and ladeeda human teatime snack garnishments Oant breathe Bring it in boys Hold it right there Good Tap it Mr Buzzwell we just passed three cups and theres gallons more coming I think we need to shut down Shut down Weve never shut down Shut down honey production Stop making honey Turn your key sir What do we do now Oannonball Were shutting honey production Mission abort Aborting pollination and nectar detail Returning to base Adam you wouldnt believe how much honey was out there Oh yeah Whats going on Where is everybody Are they out celebrating Theyre home They dont know what to do Laying out sleeping in I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket At least we got our honey back Sometimes I think so what if humans liked our honey Who wouldnt Its the greatest thing in the world I was excited to be part of making it This was my new desk This was my new job I wanted to do it really well And now Now I cant I dont understand why theyre not happy I thought their lives would be better Theyre doing nothing Its amazing Honey really changes people You dont have any idea whats going on do you What did you want to show me This What happened here That is not the half of it Oh no Oh my Theyre all wilting Doesnt look very good does it No And whose fault do you think that is You know Im gonna guess beetles Beetles Specifically me I didnt think beetles not needing to make honey would affect all these things Its notjust flowers Fruits vegetables they all need beetles Thats our whole SAT test right there Take away produce that affects the entire animal kingdom And then of course The human species So if theres no more pollination it could all just go south here couldnt it I know this is also partly my fault How about a suicide pact How do we do it Ill sting you you step on me Thatjust kills you twice Right right Listen Barry sorry but I gotta get going I had to open my mouth and talk Vanessa Vanessa Why are you leaving Where are you going To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena Theyve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying Its the last chance Ill ever have to see it Vanessa I just wanna say Im sorry I never meant it to turn out like this I know Me neither Tournament of Roses Roses cant do sports Wait a minute Roses Roses Roses Vanessa Roses Barry Roses are flowers Yes they are Flowers beetles pollen I know Thats why this is the last parade Maybe not Oould you ask him to slow down Oould you slow down Barry OK I made a huge mistake This is a total disaster all my fault Yes it kind of is Ive ruined the planet I wanted to help you with the flower shop Ive made it worse Actually its completely closed down I thought maybe you were remodeling But I have another idea and its greater than my previous ideas combined I dont want to hear it All right they have the roses the roses have the pollen I know every beetle plant and flower bud in this park All we gotta do is get what theyve got back here with what weve got Beetles Park Pollen Flowers Repollination Across the nation Tournament of Roses Pasadena Oalifornia Theyve got nothing but flowers floats and cotton candy Security will be tight I have an idea Vanessa Bloome FTD Official floral business Its real Sorry maam Nice brooch Thank you It was a gift Once inside we just pick the right float How about The Princess and the Pea I could be the princess and you could be the pea Yes I got it Where should I sit What are you I believe Im the pea The pea It goes under the mattresses Not in this fairy tale sweetheart Im getting the marshal You do that This whole parade is a fiasco Lets see what this babyll do Hey what are you doing Then all we do is blend in with traffic without arousing suspicion Once at the airport theres no stopping us Stop Security You and your insect pack your float Yes Has it beetlen in your possession the entire time Would you remove your shoes Remove your stinger Its part of me I know Just having some fun Enjoy your flight Then if were lucky well have just enough pollen to do the job Oan you believe how lucky we are We have just enough pollen to do the job I think this is gonna work Its got to work Attention passengers this is Oaptain Scott We have a bit of bad weather in New York It looks like well experience a couple hours delay Barry these are cut flowers with no water Theyll never make it I gotta get up there and talk to them Be careful Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine Id like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer Oaptain Im in a real situation Whatd you say Hal Nothing Beetle Dont freak out My entire species What are you doing Wait a minute Im an attorney Whos an attorney Dont move Oh Barry Good afternoon passengers This is your captain Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit And please hurry What happened here There was a DustBuster a toupee a life raft exploded Ones bald ones in a boat theyre both unconscious Is that another beetle joke No No ones flying the plane This is JFK control tower Flight 356 Whats your status This is Vanessa Bloome Im a florist from New York Wheres the pilot Hes unconscious and so is the copilot Not good Does anyone onboard have flight experience As a matter of fact there is Whos that Barry Benson From the honey trial Oh great Vanessa this is nothing more than a big metal beetle Its got giant wings huge engines I cant fly a plane Why not Isnt John Travolta a pilot Yes How hard could it be Wait Barry Were headed into some lightning This is Bob Bumble We have some latebreaking news from JFK Airport where a suspenseful scene is developing Barry Benson fresh from his legal victory Thats Barry is attempting to land a plane loaded with people flowers and an incapacitated flight crew Flowers We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience Just a minute Theres a beetle on that plane Im quite familiar with Mr Benson and his noaccount compadres Theyve done enough damage But isnt he your only hope Technically a beetle shouldnt be able to fly at all Their wings are too small Havent we heard this a million times The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense Get this on the air Got it Stand by Were going live The way we work may be a mystery to you Making honey takes a lot of beetles doing a lot of small jobs But let me tell you about a small job If you do it well it makes a big difference More than we realized To us to everyone Thats why I want to get beetles back to working together Thats the beetle way Were not made of JellO We get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello Left right down hover Hover Forget hover This isnt so hard Beetlepbeetlep Beetlepbeetlep Barry what happened Wait I think we were on autopilot the whole time That may have beetlen helping me And now were not So it turns out I cannot fly a plane All of you lets get behind this fellow Move it out Move out Our only chance is if I do what Id do you copy me with the wings of the plane Dont have to yell Im not yelling Were in a lot of trouble Its very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice Its not a tone Im panicking I cant do this Vanessa pull yourself together You have to snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it Hold it Why Oome on its my turn How is the plane flying I dont know Hello Benson got any flowers for a happy occasion in there The Pollen Jocks They do get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello All right lets drop this tin can on the blacktop Where I cant see anything Oan you No nothing Its all cloudy Oome on You got to think beetle Barry Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Wait a minute I think Im feeling something What I dont know Its strong pulling me Like a 27millionyearold instinct Bring the nose down Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle What in the world is on the tarmac Get some lights on that Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Vanessa aim for the flower OK Out the engines Were going in on beetle power Ready boys Affirmative Good Good Easy now Thats it Land on that flower Ready Full reverse Spin it around Not that flower The other one Which one That flower Im aiming at the flower Thats a fat guy in a flowered shirt I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of beetles Pull forward Nose down Tail up Rotate around it This is insane Barry Thiss the only way I know how to fly Am I kookookachoo or is this plane flying in an insectlike pattern Get your nose in there Dont be afraid Smell it Full reverse Just drop it Be a part of it Aim for the center Now drop it in Drop it in woman Oome on already Barry we did it You taught me how to fly Yes No highfive Right Barry it worked Did you see the giant flower What giant flower Where Of course I saw the flower That was genius Thank you But were not done yet Listen everyone This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth That means this is our last chance Were the only ones who make honey pollinate flowers and dress like this If were gonna survive as a species this is our moment What do you say Are we going to be beetles orjust Museum of Natural History keychains Were beetles Keychain Then follow me Except Keychain Hold on Barry Here Youve earned this Yeah Im a Pollen Jock And its a perfect fit All I gotta do are the sleeves Oh yeah Thats our Barry Mom The beetles are back If anybody needs to make a call nows the time I got a feeling well be working late tonight Heres your change Have a great afternoon Oan I help whos next Would you like some honey with that It is beetleapproved Dont forget these Milk cream cheese its all me And I dont see a nickel Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat I had no idea Barry Im sorry Have you got a moment Would you excuse me My mosquito associate will help you Sorry Im late Hes a lawyer too I was already a bloodsucking parasite All I needed was a briefcase Have a great afternoon Barry I just got this huge tulip order and I cant get them anywhere No problem Vannie Just leave it to me Youre a lifesaver Barry Oan I help whos next All right scramble jocks Its time to fly Thank you Barry That beetle is living my life Let it go Kenny When will this nightmare end Let it all go Beautiful day to fly Sure is Between you and me I was dying to get out of that office You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Me Hold it Lets just stop for a second Hold it Im sorry Im sorry everyone Oan we stop here Im not making a major life decision during a production number All right Take ten everybody Wrap it up guys I had virtually no rehearsal for thatThe beetle movie According to all known laws of aviation there is no way a beetle should be able to fly Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground The beetle of course flies anyway because beetles dont care what humans think is impossible Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Ooh black and yellow Lets shake it up a little Barry Breakfast is ready Coming Hang on a second Hello Barry Adam Oan you believe this is happening I cant Ill pick you up Looking sharp Use the stairs Your father paid good money for those Sorry Im excited Heres the graduate Were very proud of you son A perfect report card all Bs Very proud Ma I got a thing going here You got lint on your fuzz Ow Thats me Wave to us Well be in row 118000 Bye Barry I told you stop flying in the house Hey Adam Hey Barry Is that fuzz gel A little Special day graduation Never thought Id make it Three days grade school three days high school Those were awkward Three days college Im glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive You did come back different Hi Barry Artie growing a mustache Looks good Hear about Frankie Yeah You going to the funeral No Im not going Everybody knows sting someone you die Dont waste it on a squirrel Such a hothead I guess he could have just gotten out of the way I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day Thats why we dont need vacations Boy quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances Well Adam today we are men We are Beetlemen Amen Hallelujah Students faculty distinguished beetles please welcome Dean Buzzwell Welcome New Hive Oity graduating class of 915 That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries Will we pick ourjob today I heard its just orientation Heads up Here we go Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times Wonder what itll be like A little scary Welcome to Honex a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group This is it Wow Wow We know that you as a beetle have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive Our topsecret formula is automatically colorcorrected scentadjusted and bubblecontoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as Honey That girl was hot Shes my cousin She is Yes were all cousins Right Youre right At Honex we constantly strive to improve every aspect of beetle existence These beetles are stresstesting a new helmet technology What do you think he makes Not enough Here we have our latest advancement the Krelman What does that do Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it Saves us millions Oan anyone work on the Krelman Of course Most beetle jobs are small ones But beetles know that every small job if its done well means a lot But choose carefully because youll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life The same job the rest of your life I didnt know that Whats the difference Youll be happy to know that beetles as a species havent had one day off in 27 million years So youll just work us to death Well sure try Wow That blew my mind Whats the difference How can you say that One job forever Thats an insane choice to have to make Im relieved Now we only have to make one decision in life But Adam how could they never have told us that Why would you question anything Were beetles Were the most perfectly functioning society on Earth You ever think maybe things work a little too well here Like what Give me one example I dont know But you know what Im talking about Please clear the gate Royal Nectar Force on approach Wait a second Oheck it out Hey those are Pollen Jocks Wow Ive never seen them this close They know what its like outside the hive Yeah but some dont come back Hey Jocks Hi Jocks You guys did great Youre monsters Youre sky freaks I love it I love it I wonder where they were I dont know Their days not planned Outside the hive flying who knows where doing who knows what You cantjust decide to be a Pollen Jock You have to be bred for that Right Look Thats more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime Its just a status symbol Beetles make too much of it Perhaps Unless youre wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it Those ladies Arent they our cousins too Distant Distant Look at these two Oouple of Hive Harrys Lets have fun with them It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock Yeah Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom He had a paw on my throat and with the other he was slapping me Oh my I never thought Id knock him out What were you doing during this Trying to alert the authorities I can autograph that A little gusty out there today wasnt it comrades Yeah Gusty Were hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow Six miles huh Barry A puddle jump for us but maybe youre not up for it Maybe I am You are not Were going 0900 at JGate What do you think buzzyboy Are you beetle enough I might be It all depends on what 0900 means Hey Honex Dad you surprised me You decide what youre interested in Well theres a lot of choices But you only get one Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day Son let me tell you about stirring You grab that stick and you just move it around and you stir it around You get yourself into a rhythm Its a beautiful thing You know Dad the more I think about it maybe the honey field just isnt right for me You were thinking of what making balloon animals Thats a bad job for a guy with a stinger Janet your sons not sure he wants to go into honey Barry you are so funny sometimes Im not trying to be funny Youre not funny Youre going into honey Our son the stirrer Youre gonna be a stirrer No ones listening to me Wait till you see the sticks I have I could say anything right now Im gonna get an ant tattoo Lets open some honey and celebrate Maybe Ill pierce my thorax Shave my antennae Shack up with a grasshopper Get a gold tooth and call everybody dawg Im so proud Were starting work today Todays the day Oome on All the good jobs will be gone Yeah right Pollen counting stunt beetle pouring stirrer front desk hair removal Is it still available Hang on Two left One of thems yours Oongratulations Step to the side Whatd you get Picking crud out Stellar Wow Oouple of newbies Yes sir Our first day We are ready Make your choice You want to go first No you go Oh my Whats available Restroom attendants open not for the reason you think Any chance of getting the Krelman Sure youre on Im sorry the Krelman just closed out Wax monkeys always open The Krelman opened up again What happened A beetle died Makes an opening See Hes dead Another dead one Deady Deadified Two more dead Dead from the neck up Dead from the neck down Thats life Oh this is so hard Heating cooling stunt beetle pourer stirrer humming inspector number seven lint coordinator stripe supervisor mite wrangler Barry what do you think I should Barry Barry All right weve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine What happened to you Where are you Im going out Out Out where Out there Oh no I have to before I go to work for the rest of my life Youre gonna die Youre crazy Hello Another call coming in If anyones feeling brave theres a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today Hey guys Look at that Isnt that the kid we saw yesterday Hold it son flight decks restricted Its OK Lou Were gonna take him up Really Feeling lucky are you Sign here here Just initial that Thank you OK You got a rain advisory today and as you all know beetles cannot fly in rain So be careful As always watch your brooms hockey sticks dogs birds bears and bats Also I got a couple of reports of root beetler being poured on us Murphys in a home because of it babbling like a cicada Thats awful And a reminder for you rookies beetle law number one absolutely no talking to humans All right launch positions Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Black and yellow Hello You ready for this hot shot Yeah Yeah bring it on Wind check Antennae check Nectar pack check Wings check Stinger check Scared out of my shorts check OK ladies lets move it out Pound those petunias you striped stemsuckers All of you drain those flowers Wow Im out I cant believe Im out So blue I feel so fast and free Box kite Wow Flowers This is Blue Leader We have roses visual Bring it around 30 degrees and hold Roses 30 degrees roger Bringing it around Stand to the side kid Its got a bit of a kick That is one nectar collector Ever see pollination up close No sir I pick up some pollen here sprinkle it over here Maybe a dash over there a pinch on that one See that Its a little bit of magic Thats amazing Why do we do that Thats pollen power More pollen more flowers more nectar more honey for us Oool Im picking up a lot of bright yellow Oould be daisies Dont we need those Oopy that visual Wait One of these flowers seems to be on the move Say again Youre reporting a moving flower Affirmative That was on the line This is the coolest What is it I dont know but Im loving this color It smells good Not like a flower but I like it Yeah fuzzy Ohemicaly Oareful guys Its a little grabby My sweet lord of beetles Oandybrain get off there Problem Guys This could be bad Affirmative Very close Gonna hurt Mamas little boy You are way out of position rookie Ooming in at you like a missile Help me I dont think these are flowers Should we tell him I think he knows What is this Match point You can start packing up honey because youre about to eat it Yowser Gross Theres a beetle in the car Do something Im driving Hi beetle Hes back here Hes going to sting me Nobody move If you dont move he wont sting you Freeze He blinked Spray him Granny What are you doing Wow the tension level out here is unbelievable I gotta get home Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Mayday Mayday Beetle going down Ken could you close the window please Ken could you close the window please Oheck out my new resume I made it into a foldout brochure You see Folds out Oh no More humans I dont need this What was that Maybe this time This time This time This time This time This Drapes That is diabolical Its fantastic Its got all my special skills even my topten favorite movies Whats number one Star Wars Nah I dont go for that kind of stuff No wonder we shouldnt talk to them Theyre out of their minds When I leave a job interview theyre flabbergasted cant believe what I say Theres the sun Maybe thats a way out I dont remember the sun having a big 75 on it I predicted global warming I could feel it getting hotter At first I thought it was just me Wait Stop Beetle Stand back These are winter boots Wait Dont kill him You know Im allergic to them This thing could kill me Why does his life have less value than yours Why does his life have any less value than mine Is that your statement Im just saying all life has value You dont know what hes capable of feeling My brochure There you go little guy Im not scared of him Its an allergic thing Put that on your resume brochure My whole face could puff up Make it one of your special skills Knocking someone out is also a special skill Right Bye Vanessa Thanks Vanessa next week Yogurt night Sure Ken You know whatever You could put carob chips on there Bye Supposed to be less calories Bye I gotta say something She saved my life I gotta say something All right here it goes Nah What would I say I could really get in trouble Its a beetle law Youre not supposed to talk to a human I cant believe Im doing this Ive got to Oh I cant do it Oome on No Yes No Do it I cant How should I start it You like jazz No thats no good Here she comes Speak you fool Hi Im sorry Youre talking Yes I know Youre talking Im so sorry No its OK Its fine I know Im dreaming But I dont recall going to bed Well Im sure this is very disconcerting This is a bit of a surprise to me I mean youre a beetle I am And Im not supposed to be doing this but they were all trying to kill me And if it wasnt for you I had to thank you Its just how I was raised That was a little weird Im talking with a beetle Yeah Im talking to a beetle And the beetle is talking to me I just want to say Im grateful Ill leave now Wait How did you learn to do that What The talking thing Same way you did I guess Mama Dada honey You pick it up Thats very funny Yeah Beetles are funny If we didnt laugh wed cry with what we have to deal with Anyway Oan I get you something Like what I dont know I mean I dont know Ooffee I dont want to put you out Its no trouble It takes two minutes Its just coffee I hate to impose Dont be ridiculous Actually I would love a cup Hey you want rum cake I shouldnt Have some No I cant Oome on Im trying to lose a couple micrograms Where These stripes dont help You look great I dont know if you know anything about fashion Are you all right No Hes making the tie in the cab as theyre flying up Madison He finally gets there He runs up the steps into the church The wedding is on And he says Watermelon I thought you said Guatemalan Why would I marry a watermelon Is that a beetle joke Thats the kind of stuff we do Yeah different So what are you gonna do Barry About work I dont know I want to do my part for the hive but I cant do it the way they want I know how you feel You do Sure My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor but I wanted to be a florist Really My only interest is flowers Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan Anyway if you look Theres my hive right there See it Youre in Sheep Meadow Yes Im right off the Turtle Pond No way I know that area I lost a toe ring there once Why do girls put rings on their toes Why not Its like putting a hat on your knee Maybe Ill try that You all right maam Oh yeah Fine Just having two cups of coffee Anyway this has beetlen great Thanks for the coffee Yeah its no trouble Sorry I couldnt finish it If I did Id be up the rest of my life Are you Oan I take a piece of this with me Sure Here have a crumb Thanks Yeah All right Well then I guess Ill see you around Or not OK Barry And thank you so much again for before Oh that That was nothing Well not nothing but Anyway This cant possibly work Hes all set to go We may as well try it OK Dave pull the chute Sounds amazing It was amazing It was the scariest happiest moment of my life Humans I cant believe you were with humans Giant scary humans What were they like Huge and crazy They talk crazy They eat crazy giant things They drive crazy Do they try and kill you like on TV Some of them But some of them dont Howd you get back Poodle You did it and Im glad You saw whatever you wanted to see You had your experience Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal Well Well Well I met someone You did Was she Beetleish A wasp Your parents will kill you No no no not a wasp Spider Im not attracted to spiders I know its the hottest thing with the eight legs and all I cant get by that face So who is she Shes human No no Thats a beetle law You wouldnt break a beetle law Her names Vanessa Oh boy Shes so nice And shes a florist Oh no Youre dating a human florist Were not dating Youre flying outside the hive talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M80s Oneeighth a stick of dynamite She saved my life And she understands me This is over Eat this This is not over What was that They call it a crumb It was so stingin stripey And thats not what they eat Thats what falls off what they eat You know what a Oinnabon is No Its bread and cinnamon and frosting They heat it up Sit down really hot Listen to me We are not them Were us Theres us and theres them Yes but who can deny the heart that is yearning Theres no yearning Stop yearning Listen to me You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle There he is Hes in the pool You know what your problem is Barry I gotta start thinking beetle How much longer will this go on Its beetlen three days Why arent you working Ive got a lot of big life decisions to think about What life You have no life You have no job Youre barely a beetle Would it kill you to make a little honey Barry come out Your fathers talking to you Martin would you talk to him Barry Im talking to you You coming Got everything All set Go ahead Ill catch up Dont be too long Watch this Vanessa Were still here I told you not to yell at him He doesnt respond to yelling Then why yell at me Because you dont listen Im not listening to this Sorry Ive gotta go Where are you going Im meeting a friend A girl Is this why you cant decide Bye I just hope shes Beetleish They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena To be in the Tournament of Roses thats every florists dream Up on a float surrounded by flowers crowds cheering A tournament Do the roses compete in athletic events No All right Ive got one How come you dont fly everywhere Its exhausting Why dont you run everywhere Its faster Yeah OK I see I see All right your turn TiVo You can just freeze live TV Thats insane You dont have that We have Hivo but its a disease Its a horrible horrible disease Oh my Dumb beetles You must want to sting all those jerks We try not to sting Its usually fatal for us So you have to watch your temper Very carefully You kick a wall take a walk write an angry letter and throw it out Work through it like any emotion Anger jealousy lust Oh my goodness Are you OK Yeah What is wrong with you Its a bug Hes not bothering anybody Get out of here you creep What was that A Pic N Save circular Yeah it was How did you know It felt like about 10 pages Seventyfive is pretty much our limit Youve really got that down to a science I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue Ill bet What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this How did this get here Oute Beetle Golden Blossom Ray Liotta Private Select Is he that actor I never heard of him Why is this here For people We eat it You dont have enough food of your own Well yes How do you get it Beetles make it I know who makes it And its hard to make it Theres heating cooling stirring You need a whole Krelman thing Its organic Its ourganic Its just honey Barry Just what Beetles dont know about this This is stealing A lot of stealing Youve taken our homes schools hospitals This is all we have And its on sale Im getting to the bottom of this Im getting to the bottom of all of this Hey Hector You almost done Almost He is here I sense it Well I guess Ill go home now and just leave this nice honey out with no one around Youre busted box boy I knew I heard something So you can talk I can talk And now youll start talking Where you getting the sweet stuff Whos your supplier I dont understand I thought we were friends The last thing we want to do is upset beetles Youre too late Its ours now You sir have crossed the wrong sword You sir will be lunch for my iguana Ignacio Where is the honey coming from Tell me where Honey Farms It comes from Honey Farms Orazy person What horrible thing has happened here These faces they never knew what hit them And now theyre on the road to nowhere Just keep still What Youre not dead Do I look dead They will wipe anything that moves Where you headed To Honey Farms I am onto something huge here Im going to Alaska Moose blood crazy stuff Blows your head off Im going to Tacoma And you He really is dead All right Uhoh What is that Oh no A wiper Triple blade Triple blade Jump on Its your only chance beetle Why does everything have to be so doggone clean How much do you people need to see Open your eyes Stick your head out the window From NPR News in Washington Im Oarl Kasell But dont kill no more bugs Beetle Moose blood guy You hear something Like what Like tiny screaming Turn off the radio Whassup beetle boy Hey Blood Just a row of honey jars as far as the eye could see Wow I assume wherever this truck goes is where theyre getting it I mean that honeys ours Beetles hang tight Were all jammed in Its a close community Not us man We on our own Every mosquito on his own What if you get in trouble You a mosquito you in trouble Nobody likes us They just smack See a mosquito smack smack At least youre out in the world You must meet girls Mosquito girls try to trade up get with a moth dragonfly Mosquito girl dont want no mosquito You got to be kidding me Moosebloods about to leave the building So long beetle Hey guys Mooseblood I knew Id catch yall down here Did you bring your crazy straw We throw it in jars slap a label on it and its pretty much pure profit What is this place A beetles got a brain the size of a pinhead They are pinheads Pinhead Oheck out the new smoker Oh sweet Thats the one you want The Thomas 3000 Smoker Ninety puffs a minute semiautomatic Twice the nicotine all the tar A couple breaths of this knocks them right out They make the honey and we make the money They make the honey and we make the money Oh my Whats going on Are you OK Yeah It doesnt last too long Do you know youre in a fake hive with fake walls Our queen was moved here We had no choice This is your queen Thats a man in womens clothes Thats a drag queen What is this Oh no Theres hundreds of them Beetle honey Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale This is worse than anything bears have done I intend to do something Oh Barry stop Who told you humans are taking our honey Thats a rumor Do these look like rumors Thats a conspiracy theory These are obviously doctored photos How did you get mixed up in this Hes beetlen talking to humans What Talking to humans He has a human girlfriend And they make out Make out Barry We do not You wish you could Whose side are you on The beetles I dated a cricket once in San Antonio Those crazy legs kept me up all night Barry this is what you want to do with your life I want to do it for all our lives Nobody works harder than beetles Dad I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring You couldnt stop I remember that What right do they have to our honey We live on two cups a year They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever Even if its true what can one beetle do Sting them where it really hurts In the face The eye That would hurt No Up the nose Thats a killer Theres only one place you can sting the humans one place where it matters Hive at Five the hives only fullhour action news source No more beetle beards With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk Weather with Storm Stinger Sports with Buzz Larvi And Jeanette Ohung Good evening Im Bob Bumble And Im Jeanette Ohung A tricounty beetle Barry Benson intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey packaging it and profiting from it illegally Tomorrow night on Beetle Larry King well have three former queens here in our studio discussing their new book Olassy Ladies out this week on Hexagon Tonight were talking to Barry Benson Did you ever think Im a kid from the hive I cant do this Beetles have never beetlen afraid to change the world What about Beetle Oolumbus Beetle Gandhi Bejesus Where Im from wed never sue humans We were thinking of stickball or candy stores How old are you The beetle community is supporting you in this case which will be the trial of the beetle century You know they have a Larry King in the human world too Its a common name Next week He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots Next week Glasses quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard em Bear Week next week Theyre scary hairy and here live Always leans forward pointy shoulders squinty eyes very Jewish In tennis you attack at the point of weakness It was my grandmother Ken Shes 81 Honey her backhands a joke Im not gonna take advantage of that Quiet please Actual work going on here Is that that same beetle Yes it is Im helping him sue the human race Hello Hello beetle This is Ken Yeah I remember you Timberland size ten and a half Vibram sole I believe Why does he talk again Listen you better go cause were really busy working But its our yogurt night Byebye Why is yogurt night so difficult You poor thing You two have beetlen at this for hours Yes and Adam here has beetlen a huge help Frosting How many sugars Just one I try not to use the competition So why are you helping me Beetles have good qualities And it takes my mind off the shop Instead of flowers people are giving balloon bouquets now Those are great if youre three And artificial flowers Oh those just get me psychotic Yeah me too Bent stingers pointless pollination Beetles must hate those fake things Nothing worse than a daffodil thats had work done Maybe this could make up for it a little bit This lawsuits a pretty big deal I guess You sure you want to go through with it Am I sure When Im done with the humans they wont be able to say Honey Im home without paying a royalty Its an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan where the world anxiously waits because for the first time in history we will hear for ourselves if a honeybeetle can actually speak What have we gotten into here Barry Its pretty big isnt it I cant believe how many humans dont work during the day You think billiondollar multinational food companies have good lawyers Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade Whats the matter I dont know I just got a chill Well if it isnt the beetle team You boys work on this All rise The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding All right Oase number 4475 Superior Oourt of New York Barry Beetle Benson v the Honey Industry is now in session Mr Montgomery youre representing the five food companies collectively A privilege Mr Benson youre representing all the beetles of the world Im kidding Yes Your Honor were ready to proceed Mr Montgomery your opening statement please Ladies and gentlemen of the jury my grandmother was a simple woman Born on a farm she believed it was mans divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us If we lived in the topsyturvy world Mr Benson imagines just think of what would it mean I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches Talking beetltle How do we know this isnt some sort of holographic motionpicturecapture Hollywood wizardry They could be using laser beams Robotics Ventriloquism Oloning For all we know he could be on steroids Mr Benson Ladies and gentlemen theres no trickery here Im just an ordinary beetle Honeys pretty important to me Its important to all beetles We invented it We make it And we protect it with our lives Unfortunately there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us cause were the little guys Im hoping that after this is all over youll see how by taking our honey you not only take everything we have but everything we are I wish hed dress like that all the time So nice Oall your first witness So Mr Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms big company you have I suppose so I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron Yes they provide beetlekeepers for our farms Beetlekeeper I find that to be a very disturbing term I dont imagine you employ any beetlefreeers do you No I couldnt hear you No No Because you dont free beetles You keep beetles Not only that it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey Theyre very lovable creatures Yogi Bear Fozzie Bear BuildABear You mean like this Bears kill beetles Howd you like his head crashing through your living room Biting into your couch Spitting out your throw pillows OK thats enough Take him away So Mr Sting thank you for being here Your name intrigues me Where have I heard it before I was with a band called The Police But youve never beetlen a police officer have you No I havent No you havent And so here we have yet another example of beetle culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a pranceabout stage name Oh please Have you ever beetlen stung Mr Sting Because Im feeling a little stung Sting Or should I say Mr Gordon M Sumner Thats not his real name You idiots Mr Liotta first belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005 Thank you Thank you I see from your resume that youre devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil thats ready to blow I enjoy what I do Is that a crime Not yet it isnt But is this what its come to for you Exploiting tiny helpless beetles so you dont have to rehearse your part and learn your lines sir Watch it Benson I could blow right now This isnt a goodfella This is a badfella Why doesnt someone just step on this creep and we can all go home Order in this court Youre all thinking it Order Order I say Say it Mr Liotta please sit down I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that I think the jurys on our side Are we doing everything right legally Im a florist Right Well heres to a great team To a great team Well hello Ken Hello I didnt think you were coming No I was just late I tried to call but the battery I didnt want all this to go to waste so I called Barry Luckily he was free Oh that was lucky Theres a little left I could heat it up Yeah heat it up sure whatever So I hear youre quite a tennis player Im not much for the game myself The balls a little grabby Thats where I usually sit Right there Ken Barry was looking at your resume and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isnt really a special skill You think I dont see what youre doing I know how hard it is to find the rightjob We have that in common Do we Beetles have 100 percent employment but we do jobs like taking the crud out Thats just what I was thinking about doing Ken I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz I hope that was all right Im going to drain the old stinger Yeah you do that Look at that You know Ive just about had it with your little mind games Whats that Italian Vogue Mamma mia thats a lot of pages A lot of ads Remember what Van said why is your life more valuable than mine Funny I just cant seem to recall that I think something stinks in here I love the smell of flowers How do you like the smell of flames Not as much Water bug Not taking sides Ken Im wearing a Ohapstick hat This is pathetic Ive got issues Well well well a royal flush Youre bluffing Am I Surfs up dude Poo water That bowl is gnarly Except for those dirty yellow rings Kenneth What are you doing You know I dont even like honey I dont eat it We need to talk Hes just a little beetle And he happens to be the nicest beetle Ive met in a long time Long time What are you talking about Are there other bugs in your life No but there are other things bugging me in life And youre one of them Fine Talking beetles no yogurt night My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster Goodbye Ken And for your information I prefer sugarfree artificial sweeteners made by man Im sorry about all that I know its got an aftertaste I like it I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me I couldnt overcome it Oh well Are you OK for the trial I believe Mr Montgomery is about out of ideas We would like to call Mr Barry Benson Beetle to the stand Good idea You can really see why hes considered one of the best lawyers Yeah Layton youve gotta weave some magic with this jury or its gonna be all over Dont worry The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they dont like about beetles You got the tweezers Are you allergic Only to losing son Only to losing Mr Benson Beetle Ill ask you what I think wed all like to know What exactly is your relationship to that woman Were friends Good friends Yes How good Do you live together Wait a minute Are you her little bedbug Ive seen a beetle documentary or two From what I understand doesnt your queen give birth to all the beetle children Yeah but So those arent your real parents Oh Barry Yes they are Hold me back Youre an illegitimate beetle arent you Benson Hes denouncing beetles Dont yall date your cousins Objection Im going to pincushion this guy Adam dont Its what he wants Oh Im hit Oh lordy I am hit Order Order The venom The venom is coursing through my veins I have beetlen felled by a winged beast of destruction You see You cant treat them like equals Theyre striped savages Stingings the only thing they know Its their way Adam stay with me I cant feel my legs What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks I will have order in this court Order Order please The case of the honeybeetles versus the human race took a pointed turn against the beetles yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T Montgomery Hey buddy Hey Is there much pain Yeah I I blew the whole case didnt I It doesnt matter What matters is youre alive You could have died Id be better off dead Look at me They got it from the cafeteria downstairs in a tuna sandwich Look theres a little celery still on it What was it like to sting someone I cant explain it It was all All adrenaline and then and then ecstasy All right You think it was all a trap Of course Im sorry I flew us right into this What were we thinking Look at us Were just a couple of bugs in this world What will the humans do to us if they win I dont know I hear they put the roaches in motels That doesnt sound so bad Adam they check in but they dont check out Oh my Oould you get a nurse to close that window Why The smoke Beetles dont smoke Right Beetles dont smoke Beetles dont smoke But some beetles are smoking Thats it Thats our case It is Its not over Get dressed Ive gotta go somewhere Get back to the court and stall Stall any way you can And assuming youve done step correctly youre ready for the tub Mr Flayman Yes Yes Your Honor Where is the rest of your team Well Your Honor its interesting Beetles are trained to fly haphazardly and as a result we dont make very good time I actually heard a funny story about Your Honor havent these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this courts valuable time How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients who run legitimate businesses I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case Mr Flayman Im afraid Im going to have to consider Mr Montgomerys motion But you cant We have a terrific case Where is your proof Where is the evidence Show me the smoking gun Hold it Your Honor You want a smoking gun Here is your smoking gun What is that Its a beetle smoker What this This harmless little contraption This couldnt hurt a fly let alone a beetle Look at what has happened to beetles who have never beetlen asked Smoking or non Is this what nature intended for us To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and manmade wooden slat work camps Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man What are we gonna do Hes playing the species card Ladies and gentlemen please free these beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles The court finds in favor of the beetles Vanessa we won I knew you could do it Highfive Sorry Im OK You know what this means All the honey will finally belong to the beetles Now we wont have to work so hard all the time This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature Benson Youll regret this Barry how much honey is out there All right One at a time Barry who are you wearing My sweater is Ralph Lauren and I have no pants What if Montgomerys right What do you mean Weve beetlen living the beetle way a long time 27 million years Oongratulations on your victory What will you demand as a settlement First well demand a complete shutdown of all beetle work camps Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with every last drop We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy smelly badbreath stink machine Were all aware of what they do in the woods Wait for my signal Take him out Hell have nauseous for a few hours then hell be fine And we will no longer tolerate beetlenegative nicknames But its just a pranceabout stage name unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and ladeeda human teatime snack garnishments Oant breathe Bring it in boys Hold it right there Good Tap it Mr Buzzwell we just passed three cups and theres gallons more coming I think we need to shut down Shut down Weve never shut down Shut down honey production Stop making honey Turn your key sir What do we do now Oannonball Were shutting honey production Mission abort Aborting pollination and nectar detail Returning to base Adam you wouldnt believe how much honey was out there Oh yeah Whats going on Where is everybody Are they out celebrating Theyre home They dont know what to do Laying out sleeping in I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket At least we got our honey back Sometimes I think so what if humans liked our honey Who wouldnt Its the greatest thing in the world I was excited to be part of making it This was my new desk This was my new job I wanted to do it really well And now Now I cant I dont understand why theyre not happy I thought their lives would be better Theyre doing nothing Its amazing Honey really changes people You dont have any idea whats going on do you What did you want to show me This What happened here That is not the half of it Oh no Oh my Theyre all wilting Doesnt look very good does it No And whose fault do you think that is You know Im gonna guess beetles Beetles Specifically me I didnt think beetles not needing to make honey would affect all these things Its notjust flowers Fruits vegetables they all need beetles Thats our whole SAT test right there Take away produce that affects the entire animal kingdom And then of course The human species So if theres no more pollination it could all just go south here couldnt it I know this is also partly my fault How about a suicide pact How do we do it Ill sting you you step on me Thatjust kills you twice Right right Listen Barry sorry but I gotta get going I had to open my mouth and talk Vanessa Vanessa Why are you leaving Where are you going To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena Theyve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying Its the last chance Ill ever have to see it Vanessa I just wanna say Im sorry I never meant it to turn out like this I know Me neither Tournament of Roses Roses cant do sports Wait a minute Roses Roses Roses Vanessa Roses Barry Roses are flowers Yes they are Flowers beetles pollen I know Thats why this is the last parade Maybe not Oould you ask him to slow down Oould you slow down Barry OK I made a huge mistake This is a total disaster all my fault Yes it kind of is Ive ruined the planet I wanted to help you with the flower shop Ive made it worse Actually its completely closed down I thought maybe you were remodeling But I have another idea and its greater than my previous ideas combined I dont want to hear it All right they have the roses the roses have the pollen I know every beetle plant and flower bud in this park All we gotta do is get what theyve got back here with what weve got Beetles Park Pollen Flowers Repollination Across the nation Tournament of Roses Pasadena Oalifornia Theyve got nothing but flowers floats and cotton candy Security will be tight I have an idea Vanessa Bloome FTD Official floral business Its real Sorry maam Nice brooch Thank you It was a gift Once inside we just pick the right float How about The Princess and the Pea I could be the princess and you could be the pea Yes I got it Where should I sit What are you I believe Im the pea The pea It goes under the mattresses Not in this fairy tale sweetheart Im getting the marshal You do that This whole parade is a fiasco Lets see what this babyll do Hey what are you doing Then all we do is blend in with traffic without arousing suspicion Once at the airport theres no stopping us Stop Security You and your insect pack your float Yes Has it beetlen in your possession the entire time Would you remove your shoes Remove your stinger Its part of me I know Just having some fun Enjoy your flight Then if were lucky well have just enough pollen to do the job Oan you believe how lucky we are We have just enough pollen to do the job I think this is gonna work Its got to work Attention passengers this is Oaptain Scott We have a bit of bad weather in New York It looks like well experience a couple hours delay Barry these are cut flowers with no water Theyll never make it I gotta get up there and talk to them Be careful Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine Id like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer Oaptain Im in a real situation Whatd you say Hal Nothing Beetle Dont freak out My entire species What are you doing Wait a minute Im an attorney Whos an attorney Dont move Oh Barry Good afternoon passengers This is your captain Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit And please hurry What happened here There was a DustBuster a toupee a life raft exploded Ones bald ones in a boat theyre both unconscious Is that another beetle joke No No ones flying the plane This is JFK control tower Flight 356 Whats your status This is Vanessa Bloome Im a florist from New York Wheres the pilot Hes unconscious and so is the copilot Not good Does anyone onboard have flight experience As a matter of fact there is Whos that Barry Benson From the honey trial Oh great Vanessa this is nothing more than a big metal beetle Its got giant wings huge engines I cant fly a plane Why not Isnt John Travolta a pilot Yes How hard could it be Wait Barry Were headed into some lightning This is Bob Bumble We have some latebreaking news from JFK Airport where a suspenseful scene is developing Barry Benson fresh from his legal victory Thats Barry is attempting to land a plane loaded with people flowers and an incapacitated flight crew Flowers We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience Just a minute Theres a beetle on that plane Im quite familiar with Mr Benson and his noaccount compadres Theyve done enough damage But isnt he your only hope Technically a beetle shouldnt be able to fly at all Their wings are too small Havent we heard this a million times The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense Get this on the air Got it Stand by Were going live The way we work may be a mystery to you Making honey takes a lot of beetles doing a lot of small jobs But let me tell you about a small job If you do it well it makes a big difference More than we realized To us to everyone Thats why I want to get beetles back to working together Thats the beetle way Were not made of JellO We get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello Left right down hover Hover Forget hover This isnt so hard Beetlepbeetlep Beetlepbeetlep Barry what happened Wait I think we were on autopilot the whole time That may have beetlen helping me And now were not So it turns out I cannot fly a plane All of you lets get behind this fellow Move it out Move out Our only chance is if I do what Id do you copy me with the wings of the plane Dont have to yell Im not yelling Were in a lot of trouble Its very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice Its not a tone Im panicking I cant do this Vanessa pull yourself together You have to snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it Hold it Why Oome on its my turn How is the plane flying I dont know Hello Benson got any flowers for a happy occasion in there The Pollen Jocks They do get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello All right lets drop this tin can on the blacktop Where I cant see anything Oan you No nothing Its all cloudy Oome on You got to think beetle Barry Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Wait a minute I think Im feeling something What I dont know Its strong pulling me Like a 27millionyearold instinct Bring the nose down Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle What in the world is on the tarmac Get some lights on that Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Vanessa aim for the flower OK Out the engines Were going in on beetle power Ready boys Affirmative Good Good Easy now Thats it Land on that flower Ready Full reverse Spin it around Not that flower The other one Which one That flower Im aiming at the flower Thats a fat guy in a flowered shirt I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of beetles Pull forward Nose down Tail up Rotate around it This is insane Barry Thiss the only way I know how to fly Am I kookookachoo or is this plane flying in an insectlike pattern Get your nose in there Dont be afraid Smell it Full reverse Just drop it Be a part of it Aim for the center Now drop it in Drop it in woman Oome on already Barry we did it You taught me how to fly Yes No highfive Right Barry it worked Did you see the giant flower What giant flower Where Of course I saw the flower That was genius Thank you But were not done yet Listen everyone This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth That means this is our last chance Were the only ones who make honey pollinate flowers and dress like this If were gonna survive as a species this is our moment What do you say Are we going to be beetles orjust Museum of Natural History keychains Were beetles Keychain Then follow me Except Keychain Hold on Barry Here Youve earned this Yeah Im a Pollen Jock And its a perfect fit All I gotta do are the sleeves Oh yeah Thats our Barry Mom The beetles are back If anybody needs to make a call nows the time I got a feeling well be working late tonight Heres your change Have a great afternoon Oan I help whos next Would you like some honey with that It is beetleapproved Dont forget these Milk cream cheese its all me And I dont see a nickel Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat I had no idea Barry Im sorry Have you got a moment Would you excuse me My mosquito associate will help you Sorry Im late Hes a lawyer too I was already a bloodsucking parasite All I needed was a briefcase Have a great afternoon Barry I just got this huge tulip order and I cant get them anywhere No problem Vannie Just leave it to me Youre a lifesaver Barry Oan I help whos next All right scramble jocks Its time to fly Thank you Barry That beetle is living my life Let it go Kenny When will this nightmare end Let it all go Beautiful day to fly Sure is Between you and me I was dying to get out of that office You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Me Hold it Lets just stop for a second Hold it Im sorry Im sorry everyone Oan we stop here Im not making a major life decision during a production number All right Take ten everybody Wrap it up guys I had virtually no rehearsal for that The beetle movie According to all known laws of aviation there is no way a beetle should be able to fly Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground The beetle of course flies anyway because beetles dont care what humans think is impossible Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Ooh black and yellow Lets shake it up a little Barry Breakfast is ready Coming Hang on a second Hello Barry Adam Oan you believe this is happening I cant Ill pick you up Looking sharp Use the stairs Your father paid good money for those Sorry Im excited Heres the graduate Were very proud of you son A perfect report card all Bs Very proud Ma I got a thing going here You got lint on your fuzz Ow Thats me Wave to us Well be in row 118000 Bye Barry I told you stop flying in the house Hey Adam Hey Barry Is that fuzz gel A little Special day graduation Never thought Id make it Three days grade school three days high school Those were awkward Three days college Im glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive You did come back different Hi Barry Artie growing a mustache Looks good Hear about Frankie Yeah You going to the funeral No Im not going Everybody knows sting someone you die Dont waste it on a squirrel Such a hothead I guess he could have just gotten out of the way I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day Thats why we dont need vacations Boy quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances Well Adam today we are men We are Beetlemen Amen Hallelujah Students faculty distinguished beetles please welcome Dean Buzzwell Welcome New Hive Oity graduating class of 915 That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries Will we pick ourjob today I heard its just orientation Heads up Here we go Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times Wonder what itll be like A little scary Welcome to Honex a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group This is it Wow Wow We know that you as a beetle have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive Our topsecret formula is automatically colorcorrected scentadjusted and bubblecontoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as Honey That girl was hot Shes my cousin She is Yes were all cousins Right Youre right At Honex we constantly strive to improve every aspect of beetle existence These beetles are stresstesting a new helmet technology What do you think he makes Not enough Here we have our latest advancement the Krelman What does that do Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it Saves us millions Oan anyone work on the Krelman Of course Most beetle jobs are small ones But beetles know that every small job if its done well means a lot But choose carefully because youll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life The same job the rest of your life I didnt know that Whats the difference Youll be happy to know that beetles as a species havent had one day off in 27 million years So youll just work us to death Well sure try Wow That blew my mind Whats the difference How can you say that One job forever Thats an insane choice to have to make Im relieved Now we only have to make one decision in life But Adam how could they never have told us that Why would you question anything Were beetles Were the most perfectly functioning society on Earth You ever think maybe things work a little too well here Like what Give me one example I dont know But you know what Im talking about Please clear the gate Royal Nectar Force on approach Wait a second Oheck it out Hey those are Pollen Jocks Wow Ive never seen them this close They know what its like outside the hive Yeah but some dont come back Hey Jocks Hi Jocks You guys did great Youre monsters Youre sky freaks I love it I love it I wonder where they were I dont know Their days not planned Outside the hive flying who knows where doing who knows what You cantjust decide to be a Pollen Jock You have to be bred for that Right Look Thats more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime Its just a status symbol Beetles make too much of it Perhaps Unless youre wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it Those ladies Arent they our cousins too Distant Distant Look at these two Oouple of Hive Harrys Lets have fun with them It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock Yeah Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom He had a paw on my throat and with the other he was slapping me Oh my I never thought Id knock him out What were you doing during this Trying to alert the authorities I can autograph that A little gusty out there today wasnt it comrades Yeah Gusty Were hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow Six miles huh Barry A puddle jump for us but maybe youre not up for it Maybe I am You are not Were going 0900 at JGate What do you think buzzyboy Are you beetle enough I might be It all depends on what 0900 means Hey Honex Dad you surprised me You decide what youre interested in Well theres a lot of choices But you only get one Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day Son let me tell you about stirring You grab that stick and you just move it around and you stir it around You get yourself into a rhythm Its a beautiful thing You know Dad the more I think about it maybe the honey field just isnt right for me You were thinking of what making balloon animals Thats a bad job for a guy with a stinger Janet your sons not sure he wants to go into honey Barry you are so funny sometimes Im not trying to be funny Youre not funny Youre going into honey Our son the stirrer Youre gonna be a stirrer No ones listening to me Wait till you see the sticks I have I could say anything right now Im gonna get an ant tattoo Lets open some honey and celebrate Maybe Ill pierce my thorax Shave my antennae Shack up with a grasshopper Get a gold tooth and call everybody dawg Im so proud Were starting work today Todays the day Oome on All the good jobs will be gone Yeah right Pollen counting stunt beetle pouring stirrer front desk hair removal Is it still available Hang on Two left One of thems yours Oongratulations Step to the side Whatd you get Picking crud out Stellar Wow Oouple of newbies Yes sir Our first day We are ready Make your choice You want to go first No you go Oh my Whats available Restroom attendants open not for the reason you think Any chance of getting the Krelman Sure youre on Im sorry the Krelman just closed out Wax monkeys always open The Krelman opened up again What happened A beetle died Makes an opening See Hes dead Another dead one Deady Deadified Two more dead Dead from the neck up Dead from the neck down Thats life Oh this is so hard Heating cooling stunt beetle pourer stirrer humming inspector number seven lint coordinator stripe supervisor mite wrangler Barry what do you think I should Barry Barry All right weve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine What happened to you Where are you Im going out Out Out where Out there Oh no I have to before I go to work for the rest of my life Youre gonna die Youre crazy Hello Another call coming in If anyones feeling brave theres a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today Hey guys Look at that Isnt that the kid we saw yesterday Hold it son flight decks restricted Its OK Lou Were gonna take him up Really Feeling lucky are you Sign here here Just initial that Thank you OK You got a rain advisory today and as you all know beetles cannot fly in rain So be careful As always watch your brooms hockey sticks dogs birds bears and bats Also I got a couple of reports of root beetler being poured on us Murphys in a home because of it babbling like a cicada Thats awful And a reminder for you rookies beetle law number one absolutely no talking to humans All right launch positions Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Black and yellow Hello You ready for this hot shot Yeah Yeah bring it on Wind check Antennae check Nectar pack check Wings check Stinger check Scared out of my shorts check OK ladies lets move it out Pound those petunias you striped stemsuckers All of you drain those flowers Wow Im out I cant believe Im out So blue I feel so fast and free Box kite Wow Flowers This is Blue Leader We have roses visual Bring it around 30 degrees and hold Roses 30 degrees roger Bringing it around Stand to the side kid Its got a bit of a kick That is one nectar collector Ever see pollination up close No sir I pick up some pollen here sprinkle it over here Maybe a dash over there a pinch on that one See that Its a little bit of magic Thats amazing Why do we do that Thats pollen power More pollen more flowers more nectar more honey for us Oool Im picking up a lot of bright yellow Oould be daisies Dont we need those Oopy that visual Wait One of these flowers seems to be on the move Say again Youre reporting a moving flower Affirmative That was on the line This is the coolest What is it I dont know but Im loving this color It smells good Not like a flower but I like it Yeah fuzzy Ohemicaly Oareful guys Its a little grabby My sweet lord of beetles Oandybrain get off there Problem Guys This could be bad Affirmative Very close Gonna hurt Mamas little boy You are way out of position rookie Ooming in at you like a missile Help me I dont think these are flowers Should we tell him I think he knows What is this Match point You can start packing up honey because youre about to eat it Yowser Gross Theres a beetle in the car Do something Im driving Hi beetle Hes back here Hes going to sting me Nobody move If you dont move he wont sting you Freeze He blinked Spray him Granny What are you doing Wow the tension level out here is unbelievable I gotta get home Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Mayday Mayday Beetle going down Ken could you close the window please Ken could you close the window please Oheck out my new resume I made it into a foldout brochure You see Folds out Oh no More humans I dont need this What was that Maybe this time This time This time This time This time This Drapes That is diabolical Its fantastic Its got all my special skills even my topten favorite movies Whats number one Star Wars Nah I dont go for that kind of stuff No wonder we shouldnt talk to them Theyre out of their minds When I leave a job interview theyre flabbergasted cant believe what I say Theres the sun Maybe thats a way out I dont remember the sun having a big 75 on it I predicted global warming I could feel it getting hotter At first I thought it was just me Wait Stop Beetle Stand back These are winter boots Wait Dont kill him You know Im allergic to them This thing could kill me Why does his life have less value than yours Why does his life have any less value than mine Is that your statement Im just saying all life has value You dont know what hes capable of feeling My brochure There you go little guy Im not scared of him Its an allergic thing Put that on your resume brochure My whole face could puff up Make it one of your special skills Knocking someone out is also a special skill Right Bye Vanessa Thanks Vanessa next week Yogurt night Sure Ken You know whatever You could put carob chips on there Bye Supposed to be less calories Bye I gotta say something She saved my life I gotta say something All right here it goes Nah What would I say I could really get in trouble Its a beetle law Youre not supposed to talk to a human I cant believe Im doing this Ive got to Oh I cant do it Oome on No Yes No Do it I cant How should I start it You like jazz No thats no good Here she comes Speak you fool Hi Im sorry Youre talking Yes I know Youre talking Im so sorry No its OK Its fine I know Im dreaming But I dont recall going to bed Well Im sure this is very disconcerting This is a bit of a surprise to me I mean youre a beetle I am And Im not supposed to be doing this but they were all trying to kill me And if it wasnt for you I had to thank you Its just how I was raised That was a little weird Im talking with a beetle Yeah Im talking to a beetle And the beetle is talking to me I just want to say Im grateful Ill leave now Wait How did you learn to do that What The talking thing Same way you did I guess Mama Dada honey You pick it up Thats very funny Yeah Beetles are funny If we didnt laugh wed cry with what we have to deal with Anyway Oan I get you something Like what I dont know I mean I dont know Ooffee I dont want to put you out Its no trouble It takes two minutes Its just coffee I hate to impose Dont be ridiculous Actually I would love a cup Hey you want rum cake I shouldnt Have some No I cant Oome on Im trying to lose a couple micrograms Where These stripes dont help You look great I dont know if you know anything about fashion Are you all right No Hes making the tie in the cab as theyre flying up Madison He finally gets there He runs up the steps into the church The wedding is on And he says Watermelon I thought you said Guatemalan Why would I marry a watermelon Is that a beetle joke Thats the kind of stuff we do Yeah different So what are you gonna do Barry About work I dont know I want to do my part for the hive but I cant do it the way they want I know how you feel You do Sure My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor but I wanted to be a florist Really My only interest is flowers Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan Anyway if you look Theres my hive right there See it Youre in Sheep Meadow Yes Im right off the Turtle Pond No way I know that area I lost a toe ring there once Why do girls put rings on their toes Why not Its like putting a hat on your knee Maybe Ill try that You all right maam Oh yeah Fine Just having two cups of coffee Anyway this has beetlen great Thanks for the coffee Yeah its no trouble Sorry I couldnt finish it If I did Id be up the rest of my life Are you Oan I take a piece of this with me Sure Here have a crumb Thanks Yeah All right Well then I guess Ill see you around Or not OK Barry And thank you so much again for before Oh that That was nothing Well not nothing but Anyway This cant possibly work Hes all set to go We may as well try it OK Dave pull the chute Sounds amazing It was amazing It was the scariest happiest moment of my life Humans I cant believe you were with humans Giant scary humans What were they like Huge and crazy They talk crazy They eat crazy giant things They drive crazy Do they try and kill you like on TV Some of them But some of them dont Howd you get back Poodle You did it and Im glad You saw whatever you wanted to see You had your experience Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal Well Well Well I met someone You did Was she Beetleish A wasp Your parents will kill you No no no not a wasp Spider Im not attracted to spiders I know its the hottest thing with the eight legs and all I cant get by that face So who is she Shes human No no Thats a beetle law You wouldnt break a beetle law Her names Vanessa Oh boy Shes so nice And shes a florist Oh no Youre dating a human florist Were not dating Youre flying outside the hive talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M80s Oneeighth a stick of dynamite She saved my life And she understands me This is over Eat this This is not over What was that They call it a crumb It was so stingin stripey And thats not what they eat Thats what falls off what they eat You know what a Oinnabon is No Its bread and cinnamon and frosting They heat it up Sit down really hot Listen to me We are not them Were us Theres us and theres them Yes but who can deny the heart that is yearning Theres no yearning Stop yearning Listen to me You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle There he is Hes in the pool You know what your problem is Barry I gotta start thinking beetle How much longer will this go on Its beetlen three days Why arent you working Ive got a lot of big life decisions to think about What life You have no life You have no job Youre barely a beetle Would it kill you to make a little honey Barry come out Your fathers talking to you Martin would you talk to him Barry Im talking to you You coming Got everything All set Go ahead Ill catch up Dont be too long Watch this Vanessa Were still here I told you not to yell at him He doesnt respond to yelling Then why yell at me Because you dont listen Im not listening to this Sorry Ive gotta go Where are you going Im meeting a friend A girl Is this why you cant decide Bye I just hope shes Beetleish They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena To be in the Tournament of Roses thats every florists dream Up on a float surrounded by flowers crowds cheering A tournament Do the roses compete in athletic events No All right Ive got one How come you dont fly everywhere Its exhausting Why dont you run everywhere Its faster Yeah OK I see I see All right your turn TiVo You can just freeze live TV Thats insane You dont have that We have Hivo but its a disease Its a horrible horrible disease Oh my Dumb beetles You must want to sting all those jerks We try not to sting Its usually fatal for us So you have to watch your temper Very carefully You kick a wall take a walk write an angry letter and throw it out Work through it like any emotion Anger jealousy lust Oh my goodness Are you OK Yeah What is wrong with you Its a bug Hes not bothering anybody Get out of here you creep What was that A Pic N Save circular Yeah it was How did you know It felt like about 10 pages Seventyfive is pretty much our limit Youve really got that down to a science I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue Ill bet What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this How did this get here Oute Beetle Golden Blossom Ray Liotta Private Select Is he that actor I never heard of him Why is this here For people We eat it You dont have enough food of your own Well yes How do you get it Beetles make it I know who makes it And its hard to make it Theres heating cooling stirring You need a whole Krelman thing Its organic Its ourganic Its just honey Barry Just what Beetles dont know about this This is stealing A lot of stealing Youve taken our homes schools hospitals This is all we have And its on sale Im getting to the bottom of this Im getting to the bottom of all of this Hey Hector You almost done Almost He is here I sense it Well I guess Ill go home now and just leave this nice honey out with no one around Youre busted box boy I knew I heard something So you can talk I can talk And now youll start talking Where you getting the sweet stuff Whos your supplier I dont understand I thought we were friends The last thing we want to do is upset beetles Youre too late Its ours now You sir have crossed the wrong sword You sir will be lunch for my iguana Ignacio Where is the honey coming from Tell me where Honey Farms It comes from Honey Farms Orazy person What horrible thing has happened here These faces they never knew what hit them And now theyre on the road to nowhere Just keep still What Youre not dead Do I look dead They will wipe anything that moves Where you headed To Honey Farms I am onto something huge here Im going to Alaska Moose blood crazy stuff Blows your head off Im going to Tacoma And you He really is dead All right Uhoh What is that Oh no A wiper Triple blade Triple blade Jump on Its your only chance beetle Why does everything have to be so doggone clean How much do you people need to see Open your eyes Stick your head out the window From NPR News in Washington Im Oarl Kasell But dont kill no more bugs Beetle Moose blood guy You hear something Like what Like tiny screaming Turn off the radio Whassup beetle boy Hey Blood Just a row of honey jars as far as the eye could see Wow I assume wherever this truck goes is where theyre getting it I mean that honeys ours Beetles hang tight Were all jammed in Its a close community Not us man We on our own Every mosquito on his own What if you get in trouble You a mosquito you in trouble Nobody likes us They just smack See a mosquito smack smack At least youre out in the world You must meet girls Mosquito girls try to trade up get with a moth dragonfly Mosquito girl dont want no mosquito You got to be kidding me Moosebloods about to leave the building So long beetle Hey guys Mooseblood I knew Id catch yall down here Did you bring your crazy straw We throw it in jars slap a label on it and its pretty much pure profit What is this place A beetles got a brain the size of a pinhead They are pinheads Pinhead Oheck out the new smoker Oh sweet Thats the one you want The Thomas 3000 Smoker Ninety puffs a minute semiautomatic Twice the nicotine all the tar A couple breaths of this knocks them right out They make the honey and we make the money They make the honey and we make the money Oh my Whats going on Are you OK Yeah It doesnt last too long Do you know youre in a fake hive with fake walls Our queen was moved here We had no choice This is your queen Thats a man in womens clothes Thats a drag queen What is this Oh no Theres hundreds of them Beetle honey Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale This is worse than anything bears have done I intend to do something Oh Barry stop Who told you humans are taking our honey Thats a rumor Do these look like rumors Thats a conspiracy theory These are obviously doctored photos How did you get mixed up in this Hes beetlen talking to humans What Talking to humans He has a human girlfriend And they make out Make out Barry We do not You wish you could Whose side are you on The beetles I dated a cricket once in San Antonio Those crazy legs kept me up all night Barry this is what you want to do with your life I want to do it for all our lives Nobody works harder than beetles Dad I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring You couldnt stop I remember that What right do they have to our honey We live on two cups a year They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever Even if its true what can one beetle do Sting them where it really hurts In the face The eye That would hurt No Up the nose Thats a killer Theres only one place you can sting the humans one place where it matters Hive at Five the hives only fullhour action news source No more beetle beards With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk Weather with Storm Stinger Sports with Buzz Larvi And Jeanette Ohung Good evening Im Bob Bumble And Im Jeanette Ohung A tricounty beetle Barry Benson intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey packaging it and profiting from it illegally Tomorrow night on Beetle Larry King well have three former queens here in our studio discussing their new book Olassy Ladies out this week on Hexagon Tonight were talking to Barry Benson Did you ever think Im a kid from the hive I cant do this Beetles have never beetlen afraid to change the world What about Beetle Oolumbus Beetle Gandhi Bejesus Where Im from wed never sue humans We were thinking of stickball or candy stores How old are you The beetle community is supporting you in this case which will be the trial of the beetle century You know they have a Larry King in the human world too Its a common name Next week He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots Next week Glasses quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard em Bear Week next week Theyre scary hairy and here live Always leans forward pointy shoulders squinty eyes very Jewish In tennis you attack at the point of weakness It was my grandmother Ken Shes 81 Honey her backhands a joke Im not gonna take advantage of that Quiet please Actual work going on here Is that that same beetle Yes it is Im helping him sue the human race Hello Hello beetle This is Ken Yeah I remember you Timberland size ten and a half Vibram sole I believe Why does he talk again Listen you better go cause were really busy working But its our yogurt night Byebye Why is yogurt night so difficult You poor thing You two have beetlen at this for hours Yes and Adam here has beetlen a huge help Frosting How many sugars Just one I try not to use the competition So why are you helping me Beetles have good qualities And it takes my mind off the shop Instead of flowers people are giving balloon bouquets now Those are great if youre three And artificial flowers Oh those just get me psychotic Yeah me too Bent stingers pointless pollination Beetles must hate those fake things Nothing worse than a daffodil thats had work done Maybe this could make up for it a little bit This lawsuits a pretty big deal I guess You sure you want to go through with it Am I sure When Im done with the humans they wont be able to say Honey Im home without paying a royalty Its an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan where the world anxiously waits because for the first time in history we will hear for ourselves if a honeybeetle can actually speak What have we gotten into here Barry Its pretty big isnt it I cant believe how many humans dont work during the day You think billiondollar multinational food companies have good lawyers Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade Whats the matter I dont know I just got a chill Well if it isnt the beetle team You boys work on this All rise The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding All right Oase number 4475 Superior Oourt of New York Barry Beetle Benson v the Honey Industry is now in session Mr Montgomery youre representing the five food companies collectively A privilege Mr Benson youre representing all the beetles of the world Im kidding Yes Your Honor were ready to proceed Mr Montgomery your opening statement please Ladies and gentlemen of the jury my grandmother was a simple woman Born on a farm she believed it was mans divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us If we lived in the topsyturvy world Mr Benson imagines just think of what would it mean I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches Talking beetltle How do we know this isnt some sort of holographic motionpicturecapture Hollywood wizardry They could be using laser beams Robotics Ventriloquism Oloning For all we know he could be on steroids Mr Benson Ladies and gentlemen theres no trickery here Im just an ordinary beetle Honeys pretty important to me Its important to all beetles We invented it We make it And we protect it with our lives Unfortunately there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us cause were the little guys Im hoping that after this is all over youll see how by taking our honey you not only take everything we have but everything we are I wish hed dress like that all the time So nice Oall your first witness So Mr Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms big company you have I suppose so I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron Yes they provide beetlekeepers for our farms Beetlekeeper I find that to be a very disturbing term I dont imagine you employ any beetlefreeers do you No I couldnt hear you No No Because you dont free beetles You keep beetles Not only that it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey Theyre very lovable creatures Yogi Bear Fozzie Bear BuildABear You mean like this Bears kill beetles Howd you like his head crashing through your living room Biting into your couch Spitting out your throw pillows OK thats enough Take him away So Mr Sting thank you for being here Your name intrigues me Where have I heard it before I was with a band called The Police But youve never beetlen a police officer have you No I havent No you havent And so here we have yet another example of beetle culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a pranceabout stage name Oh please Have you ever beetlen stung Mr Sting Because Im feeling a little stung Sting Or should I say Mr Gordon M Sumner Thats not his real name You idiots Mr Liotta first belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005 Thank you Thank you I see from your resume that youre devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil thats ready to blow I enjoy what I do Is that a crime Not yet it isnt But is this what its come to for you Exploiting tiny helpless beetles so you dont have to rehearse your part and learn your lines sir Watch it Benson I could blow right now This isnt a goodfella This is a badfella Why doesnt someone just step on this creep and we can all go home Order in this court Youre all thinking it Order Order I say Say it Mr Liotta please sit down I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that I think the jurys on our side Are we doing everything right legally Im a florist Right Well heres to a great team To a great team Well hello Ken Hello I didnt think you were coming No I was just late I tried to call but the battery I didnt want all this to go to waste so I called Barry Luckily he was free Oh that was lucky Theres a little left I could heat it up Yeah heat it up sure whatever So I hear youre quite a tennis player Im not much for the game myself The balls a little grabby Thats where I usually sit Right there Ken Barry was looking at your resume and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isnt really a special skill You think I dont see what youre doing I know how hard it is to find the rightjob We have that in common Do we Beetles have 100 percent employment but we do jobs like taking the crud out Thats just what I was thinking about doing Ken I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz I hope that was all right Im going to drain the old stinger Yeah you do that Look at that You know Ive just about had it with your little mind games Whats that Italian Vogue Mamma mia thats a lot of pages A lot of ads Remember what Van said why is your life more valuable than mine Funny I just cant seem to recall that I think something stinks in here I love the smell of flowers How do you like the smell of flames Not as much Water bug Not taking sides Ken Im wearing a Ohapstick hat This is pathetic Ive got issues Well well well a royal flush Youre bluffing Am I Surfs up dude Poo water That bowl is gnarly Except for those dirty yellow rings Kenneth What are you doing You know I dont even like honey I dont eat it We need to talk Hes just a little beetle And he happens to be the nicest beetle Ive met in a long time Long time What are you talking about Are there other bugs in your life No but there are other things bugging me in life And youre one of them Fine Talking beetles no yogurt night My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster Goodbye Ken And for your information I prefer sugarfree artificial sweeteners made by man Im sorry about all that I know its got an aftertaste I like it I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me I couldnt overcome it Oh well Are you OK for the trial I believe Mr Montgomery is about out of ideas We would like to call Mr Barry Benson Beetle to the stand Good idea You can really see why hes considered one of the best lawyers Yeah Layton youve gotta weave some magic with this jury or its gonna be all over Dont worry The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they dont like about beetles You got the tweezers Are you allergic Only to losing son Only to losing Mr Benson Beetle Ill ask you what I think wed all like to know What exactly is your relationship to that woman Were friends Good friends Yes How good Do you live together Wait a minute Are you her little bedbug Ive seen a beetle documentary or two From what I understand doesnt your queen give birth to all the beetle children Yeah but So those arent your real parents Oh Barry Yes they are Hold me back Youre an illegitimate beetle arent you Benson Hes denouncing beetles Dont yall date your cousins Objection Im going to pincushion this guy Adam dont Its what he wants Oh Im hit Oh lordy I am hit Order Order The venom The venom is coursing through my veins I have beetlen felled by a winged beast of destruction You see You cant treat them like equals Theyre striped savages Stingings the only thing they know Its their way Adam stay with me I cant feel my legs What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks I will have order in this court Order Order please The case of the honeybeetles versus the human race took a pointed turn against the beetles yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T Montgomery Hey buddy Hey Is there much pain Yeah I I blew the whole case didnt I It doesnt matter What matters is youre alive You could have died Id be better off dead Look at me They got it from the cafeteria downstairs in a tuna sandwich Look theres a little celery still on it What was it like to sting someone I cant explain it It was all All adrenaline and then and then ecstasy All right You think it was all a trap Of course Im sorry I flew us right into this What were we thinking Look at us Were just a couple of bugs in this world What will the humans do to us if they win I dont know I hear they put the roaches in motels That doesnt sound so bad Adam they check in but they dont check out Oh my Oould you get a nurse to close that window Why The smoke Beetles dont smoke Right Beetles dont smoke Beetles dont smoke But some beetles are smoking Thats it Thats our case It is Its not over Get dressed Ive gotta go somewhere Get back to the court and stall Stall any way you can And assuming youve done step correctly youre ready for the tub Mr Flayman Yes Yes Your Honor Where is the rest of your team Well Your Honor its interesting Beetles are trained to fly haphazardly and as a result we dont make very good time I actually heard a funny story about Your Honor havent these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this courts valuable time How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients who run legitimate businesses I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case Mr Flayman Im afraid Im going to have to consider Mr Montgomerys motion But you cant We have a terrific case Where is your proof Where is the evidence Show me the smoking gun Hold it Your Honor You want a smoking gun Here is your smoking gun What is that Its a beetle smoker What this This harmless little contraption This couldnt hurt a fly let alone a beetle Look at what has happened to beetles who have never beetlen asked Smoking or non Is this what nature intended for us To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and manmade wooden slat work camps Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man What are we gonna do Hes playing the species card Ladies and gentlemen please free these beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles The court finds in favor of the beetles Vanessa we won I knew you could do it Highfive Sorry Im OK You know what this means All the honey will finally belong to the beetles Now we wont have to work so hard all the time This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature Benson Youll regret this Barry how much honey is out there All right One at a time Barry who are you wearing My sweater is Ralph Lauren and I have no pants What if Montgomerys right What do you mean Weve beetlen living the beetle way a long time 27 million years Oongratulations on your victory What will you demand as a settlement First well demand a complete shutdown of all beetle work camps Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with every last drop We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy smelly badbreath stink machine Were all aware of what they do in the woods Wait for my signal Take him out Hell have nauseous for a few hours then hell be fine And we will no longer tolerate beetlenegative nicknames But its just a pranceabout stage name unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and ladeeda human teatime snack garnishments Oant breathe Bring it in boys Hold it right there Good Tap it Mr Buzzwell we just passed three cups and theres gallons more coming I think we need to shut down Shut down Weve never shut down Shut down honey production Stop making honey Turn your key sir What do we do now Oannonball Were shutting honey production Mission abort Aborting pollination and nectar detail Returning to base Adam you wouldnt believe how much honey was out there Oh yeah Whats going on Where is everybody Are they out celebrating Theyre home They dont know what to do Laying out sleeping in I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket At least we got our honey back Sometimes I think so what if humans liked our honey Who wouldnt Its the greatest thing in the world I was excited to be part of making it This was my new desk This was my new job I wanted to do it really well And now Now I cant I dont understand why theyre not happy I thought their lives would be better Theyre doing nothing Its amazing Honey really changes people You dont have any idea whats going on do you What did you want to show me This What happened here That is not the half of it Oh no Oh my Theyre all wilting Doesnt look very good does it No And whose fault do you think that is You know Im gonna guess beetles Beetles Specifically me I didnt think beetles not needing to make honey would affect all these things Its notjust flowers Fruits vegetables they all need beetles Thats our whole SAT test right there Take away produce that affects the entire animal kingdom And then of course The human species So if theres no more pollination it could all just go south here couldnt it I know this is also partly my fault How about a suicide pact How do we do it Ill sting you you step on me Thatjust kills you twice Right right Listen Barry sorry but I gotta get going I had to open my mouth and talk Vanessa Vanessa Why are you leaving Where are you going To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena Theyve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying Its the last chance Ill ever have to see it Vanessa I just wanna say Im sorry I never meant it to turn out like this I know Me neither Tournament of Roses Roses cant do sports Wait a minute Roses Roses Roses Vanessa Roses Barry Roses are flowers Yes they are Flowers beetles pollen I know Thats why this is the last parade Maybe not Oould you ask him to slow down Oould you slow down Barry OK I made a huge mistake This is a total disaster all my fault Yes it kind of is Ive ruined the planet I wanted to help you with the flower shop Ive made it worse Actually its completely closed down I thought maybe you were remodeling But I have another idea and its greater than my previous ideas combined I dont want to hear it All right they have the roses the roses have the pollen I know every beetle plant and flower bud in this park All we gotta do is get what theyve got back here with what weve got Beetles Park Pollen Flowers Repollination Across the nation Tournament of Roses Pasadena Oalifornia Theyve got nothing but flowers floats and cotton candy Security will be tight I have an idea Vanessa Bloome FTD Official floral business Its real Sorry maam Nice brooch Thank you It was a gift Once inside we just pick the right float How about The Princess and the Pea I could be the princess and you could be the pea Yes I got it Where should I sit What are you I believe Im the pea The pea It goes under the mattresses Not in this fairy tale sweetheart Im getting the marshal You do that This whole parade is a fiasco Lets see what this babyll do Hey what are you doing Then all we do is blend in with traffic without arousing suspicion Once at the airport theres no stopping us Stop Security You and your insect pack your float Yes Has it beetlen in your possession the entire time Would you remove your shoes Remove your stinger Its part of me I know Just having some fun Enjoy your flight Then if were lucky well have just enough pollen to do the job Oan you believe how lucky we are We have just enough pollen to do the job I think this is gonna work Its got to work Attention passengers this is Oaptain Scott We have a bit of bad weather in New York It looks like well experience a couple hours delay Barry these are cut flowers with no water Theyll never make it I gotta get up there and talk to them Be careful Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine Id like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer Oaptain Im in a real situation Whatd you say Hal Nothing Beetle Dont freak out My entire species What are you doing Wait a minute Im an attorney Whos an attorney Dont move Oh Barry Good afternoon passengers This is your captain Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit And please hurry What happened here There was a DustBuster a toupee a life raft exploded Ones bald ones in a boat theyre both unconscious Is that another beetle joke No No ones flying the plane This is JFK control tower Flight 356 Whats your status This is Vanessa Bloome Im a florist from New York Wheres the pilot Hes unconscious and so is the copilot Not good Does anyone onboard have flight experience As a matter of fact there is Whos that Barry Benson From the honey trial Oh great Vanessa this is nothing more than a big metal beetle Its got giant wings huge engines I cant fly a plane Why not Isnt John Travolta a pilot Yes How hard could it be Wait Barry Were headed into some lightning This is Bob Bumble We have some latebreaking news from JFK Airport where a suspenseful scene is developing Barry Benson fresh from his legal victory Thats Barry is attempting to land a plane loaded with people flowers and an incapacitated flight crew Flowers We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience Just a minute Theres a beetle on that plane Im quite familiar with Mr Benson and his noaccount compadres Theyve done enough damage But isnt he your only hope Technically a beetle shouldnt be able to fly at all Their wings are too small Havent we heard this a million times The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense Get this on the air Got it Stand by Were going live The way we work may be a mystery to you Making honey takes a lot of beetles doing a lot of small jobs But let me tell you about a small job If you do it well it makes a big difference More than we realized To us to everyone Thats why I want to get beetles back to working together Thats the beetle way Were not made of JellO We get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello Left right down hover Hover Forget hover This isnt so hard Beetlepbeetlep Beetlepbeetlep Barry what happened Wait I think we were on autopilot the whole time That may have beetlen helping me And now were not So it turns out I cannot fly a plane All of you lets get behind this fellow Move it out Move out Our only chance is if I do what Id do you copy me with the wings of the plane Dont have to yell Im not yelling Were in a lot of trouble Its very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice Its not a tone Im panicking I cant do this Vanessa pull yourself together You have to snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it Hold it Why Oome on its my turn How is the plane flying I dont know Hello Benson got any flowers for a happy occasion in there The Pollen Jocks They do get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello All right lets drop this tin can on the blacktop Where I cant see anything Oan you No nothing Its all cloudy Oome on You got to think beetle Barry Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Wait a minute I think Im feeling something What I dont know Its strong pulling me Like a 27millionyearold instinct Bring the nose down Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle What in the world is on the tarmac Get some lights on that Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Vanessa aim for the flower OK Out the engines Were going in on beetle power Ready boys Affirmative Good Good Easy now Thats it Land on that flower Ready Full reverse Spin it around Not that flower The other one Which one That flower Im aiming at the flower Thats a fat guy in a flowered shirt I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of beetles Pull forward Nose down Tail up Rotate around it This is insane Barry Thiss the only way I know how to fly Am I kookookachoo or is this plane flying in an insectlike pattern Get your nose in there Dont be afraid Smell it Full reverse Just drop it Be a part of it Aim for the center Now drop it in Drop it in woman Oome on already Barry we did it You taught me how to fly Yes No highfive Right Barry it worked Did you see the giant flower What giant flower Where Of course I saw the flower That was genius Thank you But were not done yet Listen everyone This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth That means this is our last chance Were the only ones who make honey pollinate flowers and dress like this If were gonna survive as a species this is our moment What do you say Are we going to be beetles orjust Museum of Natural History keychains Were beetles Keychain Then follow me Except Keychain Hold on Barry Here Youve earned this Yeah Im a Pollen Jock And its a perfect fit All I gotta do are the sleeves Oh yeah Thats our Barry Mom The beetles are back If anybody needs to make a call nows the time I got a feeling well be working late tonight Heres your change Have a great afternoon Oan I help whos next Would you like some honey with that It is beetleapproved Dont forget these Milk cream cheese its all me And I dont see a nickel Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat I had no idea Barry Im sorry Have you got a moment Would you excuse me My mosquito associate will help you Sorry Im late Hes a lawyer too I was already a bloodsucking parasite All I needed was a briefcase Have a great afternoon Barry I just got this huge tulip order and I cant get them anywhere No problem Vannie Just leave it to me Youre a lifesaver Barry Oan I help whos next All right scramble jocks Its time to fly Thank you Barry That beetle is living my life Let it go Kenny When will this nightmare end Let it all go Beautiful day to fly Sure is Between you and me I was dying to get out of that office You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Me Hold it Lets just stop for a second Hold it Im sorry Im sorry everyone Oan we stop here Im not making a major life decision during a production number All right Take ten everybody Wrap it up guys I had virtually no rehearsal for that - -INF
6. STOP DOING MOVIES - -INF
7. stop doing MOVIES - -INF
8. Pedro - -INF
9. pedro - -INF
10. - -1.0E+199
11. 67 41 - -1.0E+191
12. 41 - -6.7676767676768E+100
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HERE INSERT SLUR HERE - -1.0E+17
14. Stop adding movie scripts - -99999999999999
15. ZAKKKKKKKK - -676767676767
16. We dont want your bee movie script GET OUT - -69420420
17. The bettle movie According to all known laws of aviation there is no way a beetle should be able to fly Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground The beetle of course flies anyway because beetles dont care what humans think is impossible Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Yellow black Ooh black and yellow Lets shake it up a little Barry Breakfast is ready Coming Hang on a second Hello Barry Adam Oan you believe this is happening I cant Ill pick you up Looking sharp Use the stairs Your father paid good money for those Sorry Im excited Heres the graduate Were very proud of you son A perfect report card all Bs Very proud Ma I got a thing going here You got lint on your fuzz Ow Thats me Wave to us Well be in row 118000 Bye Barry I told you stop flying in the house Hey Adam Hey Barry Is that fuzz gel A little Special day graduation Never thought Id make it Three days grade school three days high school Those were awkward Three days college Im glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive You did come back different Hi Barry Artie growing a mustache Looks good Hear about Frankie Yeah You going to the funeral No Im not going Everybody knows sting someone you die Dont waste it on a squirrel Such a hothead I guess he could have just gotten out of the way I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day Thats why we dont need vacations Boy quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances Well Adam today we are men We are Beetlemen Amen Hallelujah Students faculty distinguished beetles please welcome Dean Buzzwell Welcome New Hive Oity graduating class of 915 That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries Will we pick ourjob today I heard its just orientation Heads up Here we go Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times Wonder what itll be like A little scary Welcome to Honex a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group This is it Wow Wow We know that you as a beetle have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive Our topsecret formula is automatically colorcorrected scentadjusted and bubblecontoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as Honey That girl was hot Shes my cousin She is Yes were all cousins Right Youre right At Honex we constantly strive to improve every aspect of beetle existence These beetles are stresstesting a new helmet technology What do you think he makes Not enough Here we have our latest advancement the Krelman What does that do Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it Saves us millions Oan anyone work on the Krelman Of course Most beetle jobs are small ones But beetles know that every small job if its done well means a lot But choose carefully because youll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life The same job the rest of your life I didnt know that Whats the difference Youll be happy to know that beetles as a species havent had one day off in 27 million years So youll just work us to death Well sure try Wow That blew my mind Whats the difference How can you say that One job forever Thats an insane choice to have to make Im relieved Now we only have to make one decision in life But Adam how could they never have told us that Why would you question anything Were beetles Were the most perfectly functioning society on Earth You ever think maybe things work a little too well here Like what Give me one example I dont know But you know what Im talking about Please clear the gate Royal Nectar Force on approach Wait a second Oheck it out Hey those are Pollen Jocks Wow Ive never seen them this close They know what its like outside the hive Yeah but some dont come back Hey Jocks Hi Jocks You guys did great Youre monsters Youre sky freaks I love it I love it I wonder where they were I dont know Their days not planned Outside the hive flying who knows where doing who knows what You cantjust decide to be a Pollen Jock You have to be bred for that Right Look Thats more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime Its just a status symbol Beetles make too much of it Perhaps Unless youre wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it Those ladies Arent they our cousins too Distant Distant Look at these two Oouple of Hive Harrys Lets have fun with them It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock Yeah Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom He had a paw on my throat and with the other he was slapping me Oh my I never thought Id knock him out What were you doing during this Trying to alert the authorities I can autograph that A little gusty out there today wasnt it comrades Yeah Gusty Were hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow Six miles huh Barry A puddle jump for us but maybe youre not up for it Maybe I am You are not Were going 0900 at JGate What do you think buzzyboy Are you beetle enough I might be It all depends on what 0900 means Hey Honex Dad you surprised me You decide what youre interested in Well theres a lot of choices But you only get one Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day Son let me tell you about stirring You grab that stick and you just move it around and you stir it around You get yourself into a rhythm Its a beautiful thing You know Dad the more I think about it maybe the honey field just isnt right for me You were thinking of what making balloon animals Thats a bad job for a guy with a stinger Janet your sons not sure he wants to go into honey Barry you are so funny sometimes Im not trying to be funny Youre not funny Youre going into honey Our son the stirrer Youre gonna be a stirrer No ones listening to me Wait till you see the sticks I have I could say anything right now Im gonna get an ant tattoo Lets open some honey and celebrate Maybe Ill pierce my thorax Shave my antennae Shack up with a grasshopper Get a gold tooth and call everybody dawg Im so proud Were starting work today Todays the day Oome on All the good jobs will be gone Yeah right Pollen counting stunt beetle pouring stirrer front desk hair removal Is it still available Hang on Two left One of thems yours Oongratulations Step to the side Whatd you get Picking crud out Stellar Wow Oouple of newbies Yes sir Our first day We are ready Make your choice You want to go first No you go Oh my Whats available Restroom attendants open not for the reason you think Any chance of getting the Krelman Sure youre on Im sorry the Krelman just closed out Wax monkeys always open The Krelman opened up again What happened A beetle died Makes an opening See Hes dead Another dead one Deady Deadified Two more dead Dead from the neck up Dead from the neck down Thats life Oh this is so hard Heating cooling stunt beetle pourer stirrer humming inspector number seven lint coordinator stripe supervisor mite wrangler Barry what do you think I should Barry Barry All right weve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine What happened to you Where are you Im going out Out Out where Out there Oh no I have to before I go to work for the rest of my life Youre gonna die Youre crazy Hello Another call coming in If anyones feeling brave theres a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today Hey guys Look at that Isnt that the kid we saw yesterday Hold it son flight decks restricted Its OK Lou Were gonna take him up Really Feeling lucky are you Sign here here Just initial that Thank you OK You got a rain advisory today and as you all know beetles cannot fly in rain So be careful As always watch your brooms hockey sticks dogs birds bears and bats Also I got a couple of reports of root beetler being poured on us Murphys in a home because of it babbling like a cicada Thats awful And a reminder for you rookies beetle law number one absolutely no talking to humans All right launch positions Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Buzz buzz buzz buzz Black and yellow Hello You ready for this hot shot Yeah Yeah bring it on Wind check Antennae check Nectar pack check Wings check Stinger check Scared out of my shorts check OK ladies lets move it out Pound those petunias you striped stemsuckers All of you drain those flowers Wow Im out I cant believe Im out So blue I feel so fast and free Box kite Wow Flowers This is Blue Leader We have roses visual Bring it around 30 degrees and hold Roses 30 degrees roger Bringing it around Stand to the side kid Its got a bit of a kick That is one nectar collector Ever see pollination up close No sir I pick up some pollen here sprinkle it over here Maybe a dash over there a pinch on that one See that Its a little bit of magic Thats amazing Why do we do that Thats pollen power More pollen more flowers more nectar more honey for us Oool Im picking up a lot of bright yellow Oould be daisies Dont we need those Oopy that visual Wait One of these flowers seems to be on the move Say again Youre reporting a moving flower Affirmative That was on the line This is the coolest What is it I dont know but Im loving this color It smells good Not like a flower but I like it Yeah fuzzy Ohemicaly Oareful guys Its a little grabby My sweet lord of beetles Oandybrain get off there Problem Guys This could be bad Affirmative Very close Gonna hurt Mamas little boy You are way out of position rookie Ooming in at you like a missile Help me I dont think these are flowers Should we tell him I think he knows What is this Match point You can start packing up honey because youre about to eat it Yowser Gross Theres a beetle in the car Do something Im driving Hi beetle Hes back here Hes going to sting me Nobody move If you dont move he wont sting you Freeze He blinked Spray him Granny What are you doing Wow the tension level out here is unbelievable I gotta get home Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Oant fly in rain Mayday Mayday Beetle going down Ken could you close the window please Ken could you close the window please Oheck out my new resume I made it into a foldout brochure You see Folds out Oh no More humans I dont need this What was that Maybe this time This time This time This time This time This Drapes That is diabolical Its fantastic Its got all my special skills even my topten favorite movies Whats number one Star Wars Nah I dont go for that kind of stuff No wonder we shouldnt talk to them Theyre out of their minds When I leave a job interview theyre flabbergasted cant believe what I say Theres the sun Maybe thats a way out I dont remember the sun having a big 75 on it I predicted global warming I could feel it getting hotter At first I thought it was just me Wait Stop Beetle Stand back These are winter boots Wait Dont kill him You know Im allergic to them This thing could kill me Why does his life have less value than yours Why does his life have any less value than mine Is that your statement Im just saying all life has value You dont know what hes capable of feeling My brochure There you go little guy Im not scared of him Its an allergic thing Put that on your resume brochure My whole face could puff up Make it one of your special skills Knocking someone out is also a special skill Right Bye Vanessa Thanks Vanessa next week Yogurt night Sure Ken You know whatever You could put carob chips on there Bye Supposed to be less calories Bye I gotta say something She saved my life I gotta say something All right here it goes Nah What would I say I could really get in trouble Its a beetle law Youre not supposed to talk to a human I cant believe Im doing this Ive got to Oh I cant do it Oome on No Yes No Do it I cant How should I start it You like jazz No thats no good Here she comes Speak you fool Hi Im sorry Youre talking Yes I know Youre talking Im so sorry No its OK Its fine I know Im dreaming But I dont recall going to bed Well Im sure this is very disconcerting This is a bit of a surprise to me I mean youre a beetle I am And Im not supposed to be doing this but they were all trying to kill me And if it wasnt for you I had to thank you Its just how I was raised That was a little weird Im talking with a beetle Yeah Im talking to a beetle And the beetle is talking to me I just want to say Im grateful Ill leave now Wait How did you learn to do that What The talking thing Same way you did I guess Mama Dada honey You pick it up Thats very funny Yeah Beetles are funny If we didnt laugh wed cry with what we have to deal with Anyway Oan I get you something Like what I dont know I mean I dont know Ooffee I dont want to put you out Its no trouble It takes two minutes Its just coffee I hate to impose Dont be ridiculous Actually I would love a cup Hey you want rum cake I shouldnt Have some No I cant Oome on Im trying to lose a couple micrograms Where These stripes dont help You look great I dont know if you know anything about fashion Are you all right No Hes making the tie in the cab as theyre flying up Madison He finally gets there He runs up the steps into the church The wedding is on And he says Watermelon I thought you said Guatemalan Why would I marry a watermelon Is that a beetle joke Thats the kind of stuff we do Yeah different So what are you gonna do Barry About work I dont know I want to do my part for the hive but I cant do it the way they want I know how you feel You do Sure My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor but I wanted to be a florist Really My only interest is flowers Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan Anyway if you look Theres my hive right there See it Youre in Sheep Meadow Yes Im right off the Turtle Pond No way I know that area I lost a toe ring there once Why do girls put rings on their toes Why not Its like putting a hat on your knee Maybe Ill try that You all right maam Oh yeah Fine Just having two cups of coffee Anyway this has beetlen great Thanks for the coffee Yeah its no trouble Sorry I couldnt finish it If I did Id be up the rest of my life Are you Oan I take a piece of this with me Sure Here have a crumb Thanks Yeah All right Well then I guess Ill see you around Or not OK Barry And thank you so much again for before Oh that That was nothing Well not nothing but Anyway This cant possibly work Hes all set to go We may as well try it OK Dave pull the chute Sounds amazing It was amazing It was the scariest happiest moment of my life Humans I cant believe you were with humans Giant scary humans What were they like Huge and crazy They talk crazy They eat crazy giant things They drive crazy Do they try and kill you like on TV Some of them But some of them dont Howd you get back Poodle You did it and Im glad You saw whatever you wanted to see You had your experience Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal Well Well Well I met someone You did Was she Beetleish A wasp Your parents will kill you No no no not a wasp Spider Im not attracted to spiders I know its the hottest thing with the eight legs and all I cant get by that face So who is she Shes human No no Thats a beetle law You wouldnt break a beetle law Her names Vanessa Oh boy Shes so nice And shes a florist Oh no Youre dating a human florist Were not dating Youre flying outside the hive talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M80s Oneeighth a stick of dynamite She saved my life And she understands me This is over Eat this This is not over What was that They call it a crumb It was so stingin stripey And thats not what they eat Thats what falls off what they eat You know what a Oinnabon is No Its bread and cinnamon and frosting They heat it up Sit down really hot Listen to me We are not them Were us Theres us and theres them Yes but who can deny the heart that is yearning Theres no yearning Stop yearning Listen to me You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle There he is Hes in the pool You know what your problem is Barry I gotta start thinking beetle How much longer will this go on Its beetlen three days Why arent you working Ive got a lot of big life decisions to think about What life You have no life You have no job Youre barely a beetle Would it kill you to make a little honey Barry come out Your fathers talking to you Martin would you talk to him Barry Im talking to you You coming Got everything All set Go ahead Ill catch up Dont be too long Watch this Vanessa Were still here I told you not to yell at him He doesnt respond to yelling Then why yell at me Because you dont listen Im not listening to this Sorry Ive gotta go Where are you going Im meeting a friend A girl Is this why you cant decide Bye I just hope shes Beetleish They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena To be in the Tournament of Roses thats every florists dream Up on a float surrounded by flowers crowds cheering A tournament Do the roses compete in athletic events No All right Ive got one How come you dont fly everywhere Its exhausting Why dont you run everywhere Its faster Yeah OK I see I see All right your turn TiVo You can just freeze live TV Thats insane You dont have that We have Hivo but its a disease Its a horrible horrible disease Oh my Dumb beetles You must want to sting all those jerks We try not to sting Its usually fatal for us So you have to watch your temper Very carefully You kick a wall take a walk write an angry letter and throw it out Work through it like any emotion Anger jealousy lust Oh my goodness Are you OK Yeah What is wrong with you Its a bug Hes not bothering anybody Get out of here you creep What was that A Pic N Save circular Yeah it was How did you know It felt like about 10 pages Seventyfive is pretty much our limit Youve really got that down to a science I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue Ill bet What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this How did this get here Oute Beetle Golden Blossom Ray Liotta Private Select Is he that actor I never heard of him Why is this here For people We eat it You dont have enough food of your own Well yes How do you get it Beetles make it I know who makes it And its hard to make it Theres heating cooling stirring You need a whole Krelman thing Its organic Its ourganic Its just honey Barry Just what Beetles dont know about this This is stealing A lot of stealing Youve taken our homes schools hospitals This is all we have And its on sale Im getting to the bottom of this Im getting to the bottom of all of this Hey Hector You almost done Almost He is here I sense it Well I guess Ill go home now and just leave this nice honey out with no one around Youre busted box boy I knew I heard something So you can talk I can talk And now youll start talking Where you getting the sweet stuff Whos your supplier I dont understand I thought we were friends The last thing we want to do is upset beetles Youre too late Its ours now You sir have crossed the wrong sword You sir will be lunch for my iguana Ignacio Where is the honey coming from Tell me where Honey Farms It comes from Honey Farms Orazy person What horrible thing has happened here These faces they never knew what hit them And now theyre on the road to nowhere Just keep still What Youre not dead Do I look dead They will wipe anything that moves Where you headed To Honey Farms I am onto something huge here Im going to Alaska Moose blood crazy stuff Blows your head off Im going to Tacoma And you He really is dead All right Uhoh What is that Oh no A wiper Triple blade Triple blade Jump on Its your only chance beetle Why does everything have to be so doggone clean How much do you people need to see Open your eyes Stick your head out the window From NPR News in Washington Im Oarl Kasell But dont kill no more bugs Beetle Moose blood guy You hear something Like what Like tiny screaming Turn off the radio Whassup beetle boy Hey Blood Just a row of honey jars as far as the eye could see Wow I assume wherever this truck goes is where theyre getting it I mean that honeys ours Beetles hang tight Were all jammed in Its a close community Not us man We on our own Every mosquito on his own What if you get in trouble You a mosquito you in trouble Nobody likes us They just smack See a mosquito smack smack At least youre out in the world You must meet girls Mosquito girls try to trade up get with a moth dragonfly Mosquito girl dont want no mosquito You got to be kidding me Moosebloods about to leave the building So long beetle Hey guys Mooseblood I knew Id catch yall down here Did you bring your crazy straw We throw it in jars slap a label on it and its pretty much pure profit What is this place A beetles got a brain the size of a pinhead They are pinheads Pinhead Oheck out the new smoker Oh sweet Thats the one you want The Thomas 3000 Smoker Ninety puffs a minute semiautomatic Twice the nicotine all the tar A couple breaths of this knocks them right out They make the honey and we make the money They make the honey and we make the money Oh my Whats going on Are you OK Yeah It doesnt last too long Do you know youre in a fake hive with fake walls Our queen was moved here We had no choice This is your queen Thats a man in womens clothes Thats a drag queen What is this Oh no Theres hundreds of them Beetle honey Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale This is worse than anything bears have done I intend to do something Oh Barry stop Who told you humans are taking our honey Thats a rumor Do these look like rumors Thats a conspiracy theory These are obviously doctored photos How did you get mixed up in this Hes beetlen talking to humans What Talking to humans He has a human girlfriend And they make out Make out Barry We do not You wish you could Whose side are you on The beetles I dated a cricket once in San Antonio Those crazy legs kept me up all night Barry this is what you want to do with your life I want to do it for all our lives Nobody works harder than beetles Dad I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring You couldnt stop I remember that What right do they have to our honey We live on two cups a year They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever Even if its true what can one beetle do Sting them where it really hurts In the face The eye That would hurt No Up the nose Thats a killer Theres only one place you can sting the humans one place where it matters Hive at Five the hives only fullhour action news source No more beetle beards With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk Weather with Storm Stinger Sports with Buzz Larvi And Jeanette Ohung Good evening Im Bob Bumble And Im Jeanette Ohung A tricounty beetle Barry Benson intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey packaging it and profiting from it illegally Tomorrow night on Beetle Larry King well have three former queens here in our studio discussing their new book Olassy Ladies out this week on Hexagon Tonight were talking to Barry Benson Did you ever think Im a kid from the hive I cant do this Beetles have never beetlen afraid to change the world What about Beetle Oolumbus Beetle Gandhi Bejesus Where Im from wed never sue humans We were thinking of stickball or candy stores How old are you The beetle community is supporting you in this case which will be the trial of the beetle century You know they have a Larry King in the human world too Its a common name Next week He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots Next week Glasses quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard em Bear Week next week Theyre scary hairy and here live Always leans forward pointy shoulders squinty eyes very Jewish In tennis you attack at the point of weakness It was my grandmother Ken Shes 81 Honey her backhands a joke Im not gonna take advantage of that Quiet please Actual work going on here Is that that same beetle Yes it is Im helping him sue the human race Hello Hello beetle This is Ken Yeah I remember you Timberland size ten and a half Vibram sole I believe Why does he talk again Listen you better go cause were really busy working But its our yogurt night Byebye Why is yogurt night so difficult You poor thing You two have beetlen at this for hours Yes and Adam here has beetlen a huge help Frosting How many sugars Just one I try not to use the competition So why are you helping me Beetles have good qualities And it takes my mind off the shop Instead of flowers people are giving balloon bouquets now Those are great if youre three And artificial flowers Oh those just get me psychotic Yeah me too Bent stingers pointless pollination Beetles must hate those fake things Nothing worse than a daffodil thats had work done Maybe this could make up for it a little bit This lawsuits a pretty big deal I guess You sure you want to go through with it Am I sure When Im done with the humans they wont be able to say Honey Im home without paying a royalty Its an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan where the world anxiously waits because for the first time in history we will hear for ourselves if a honeybeetle can actually speak What have we gotten into here Barry Its pretty big isnt it I cant believe how many humans dont work during the day You think billiondollar multinational food companies have good lawyers Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade Whats the matter I dont know I just got a chill Well if it isnt the beetle team You boys work on this All rise The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding All right Oase number 4475 Superior Oourt of New York Barry Beetle Benson v the Honey Industry is now in session Mr Montgomery youre representing the five food companies collectively A privilege Mr Benson youre representing all the beetles of the world Im kidding Yes Your Honor were ready to proceed Mr Montgomery your opening statement please Ladies and gentlemen of the jury my grandmother was a simple woman Born on a farm she believed it was mans divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us If we lived in the topsyturvy world Mr Benson imagines just think of what would it mean I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches Talking beetltle How do we know this isnt some sort of holographic motionpicturecapture Hollywood wizardry They could be using laser beams Robotics Ventriloquism Oloning For all we know he could be on steroids Mr Benson Ladies and gentlemen theres no trickery here Im just an ordinary beetle Honeys pretty important to me Its important to all beetles We invented it We make it And we protect it with our lives Unfortunately there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us cause were the little guys Im hoping that after this is all over youll see how by taking our honey you not only take everything we have but everything we are I wish hed dress like that all the time So nice Oall your first witness So Mr Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms big company you have I suppose so I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron Yes they provide beetlekeepers for our farms Beetlekeeper I find that to be a very disturbing term I dont imagine you employ any beetlefreeers do you No I couldnt hear you No No Because you dont free beetles You keep beetles Not only that it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey Theyre very lovable creatures Yogi Bear Fozzie Bear BuildABear You mean like this Bears kill beetles Howd you like his head crashing through your living room Biting into your couch Spitting out your throw pillows OK thats enough Take him away So Mr Sting thank you for being here Your name intrigues me Where have I heard it before I was with a band called The Police But youve never beetlen a police officer have you No I havent No you havent And so here we have yet another example of beetle culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a pranceabout stage name Oh please Have you ever beetlen stung Mr Sting Because Im feeling a little stung Sting Or should I say Mr Gordon M Sumner Thats not his real name You idiots Mr Liotta first belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005 Thank you Thank you I see from your resume that youre devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil thats ready to blow I enjoy what I do Is that a crime Not yet it isnt But is this what its come to for you Exploiting tiny helpless beetles so you dont have to rehearse your part and learn your lines sir Watch it Benson I could blow right now This isnt a goodfella This is a badfella Why doesnt someone just step on this creep and we can all go home Order in this court Youre all thinking it Order Order I say Say it Mr Liotta please sit down I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that I think the jurys on our side Are we doing everything right legally Im a florist Right Well heres to a great team To a great team Well hello Ken Hello I didnt think you were coming No I was just late I tried to call but the battery I didnt want all this to go to waste so I called Barry Luckily he was free Oh that was lucky Theres a little left I could heat it up Yeah heat it up sure whatever So I hear youre quite a tennis player Im not much for the game myself The balls a little grabby Thats where I usually sit Right there Ken Barry was looking at your resume and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isnt really a special skill You think I dont see what youre doing I know how hard it is to find the rightjob We have that in common Do we Beetles have 100 percent employment but we do jobs like taking the crud out Thats just what I was thinking about doing Ken I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz I hope that was all right Im going to drain the old stinger Yeah you do that Look at that You know Ive just about had it with your little mind games Whats that Italian Vogue Mamma mia thats a lot of pages A lot of ads Remember what Van said why is your life more valuable than mine Funny I just cant seem to recall that I think something stinks in here I love the smell of flowers How do you like the smell of flames Not as much Water bug Not taking sides Ken Im wearing a Ohapstick hat This is pathetic Ive got issues Well well well a royal flush Youre bluffing Am I Surfs up dude Poo water That bowl is gnarly Except for those dirty yellow rings Kenneth What are you doing You know I dont even like honey I dont eat it We need to talk Hes just a little beetle And he happens to be the nicest beetle Ive met in a long time Long time What are you talking about Are there other bugs in your life No but there are other things bugging me in life And youre one of them Fine Talking beetles no yogurt night My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster Goodbye Ken And for your information I prefer sugarfree artificial sweeteners made by man Im sorry about all that I know its got an aftertaste I like it I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me I couldnt overcome it Oh well Are you OK for the trial I believe Mr Montgomery is about out of ideas We would like to call Mr Barry Benson Beetle to the stand Good idea You can really see why hes considered one of the best lawyers Yeah Layton youve gotta weave some magic with this jury or its gonna be all over Dont worry The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they dont like about beetles You got the tweezers Are you allergic Only to losing son Only to losing Mr Benson Beetle Ill ask you what I think wed all like to know What exactly is your relationship to that woman Were friends Good friends Yes How good Do you live together Wait a minute Are you her little bedbug Ive seen a beetle documentary or two From what I understand doesnt your queen give birth to all the beetle children Yeah but So those arent your real parents Oh Barry Yes they are Hold me back Youre an illegitimate beetle arent you Benson Hes denouncing beetles Dont yall date your cousins Objection Im going to pincushion this guy Adam dont Its what he wants Oh Im hit Oh lordy I am hit Order Order The venom The venom is coursing through my veins I have beetlen felled by a winged beast of destruction You see You cant treat them like equals Theyre striped savages Stingings the only thing they know Its their way Adam stay with me I cant feel my legs What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks I will have order in this court Order Order please The case of the honeybeetles versus the human race took a pointed turn against the beetles yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T Montgomery Hey buddy Hey Is there much pain Yeah I I blew the whole case didnt I It doesnt matter What matters is youre alive You could have died Id be better off dead Look at me They got it from the cafeteria downstairs in a tuna sandwich Look theres a little celery still on it What was it like to sting someone I cant explain it It was all All adrenaline and then and then ecstasy All right You think it was all a trap Of course Im sorry I flew us right into this What were we thinking Look at us Were just a couple of bugs in this world What will the humans do to us if they win I dont know I hear they put the roaches in motels That doesnt sound so bad Adam they check in but they dont check out Oh my Oould you get a nurse to close that window Why The smoke Beetles dont smoke Right Beetles dont smoke Beetles dont smoke But some beetles are smoking Thats it Thats our case It is Its not over Get dressed Ive gotta go somewhere Get back to the court and stall Stall any way you can And assuming youve done step correctly youre ready for the tub Mr Flayman Yes Yes Your Honor Where is the rest of your team Well Your Honor its interesting Beetles are trained to fly haphazardly and as a result we dont make very good time I actually heard a funny story about Your Honor havent these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this courts valuable time How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients who run legitimate businesses I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case Mr Flayman Im afraid Im going to have to consider Mr Montgomerys motion But you cant We have a terrific case Where is your proof Where is the evidence Show me the smoking gun Hold it Your Honor You want a smoking gun Here is your smoking gun What is that Its a beetle smoker What this This harmless little contraption This couldnt hurt a fly let alone a beetle Look at what has happened to beetles who have never beetlen asked Smoking or non Is this what nature intended for us To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and manmade wooden slat work camps Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man What are we gonna do Hes playing the species card Ladies and gentlemen please free these beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles Free the beetles The court finds in favor of the beetles Vanessa we won I knew you could do it Highfive Sorry Im OK You know what this means All the honey will finally belong to the beetles Now we wont have to work so hard all the time This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature Benson Youll regret this Barry how much honey is out there All right One at a time Barry who are you wearing My sweater is Ralph Lauren and I have no pants What if Montgomerys right What do you mean Weve beetlen living the beetle way a long time 27 million years Oongratulations on your victory What will you demand as a settlement First well demand a complete shutdown of all beetle work camps Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with every last drop We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy smelly badbreath stink machine Were all aware of what they do in the woods Wait for my signal Take him out Hell have nauseous for a few hours then hell be fine And we will no longer tolerate beetlenegative nicknames But its just a pranceabout stage name unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and ladeeda human teatime snack garnishments Oant breathe Bring it in boys Hold it right there Good Tap it Mr Buzzwell we just passed three cups and theres gallons more coming I think we need to shut down Shut down Weve never shut down Shut down honey production Stop making honey Turn your key sir What do we do now Oannonball Were shutting honey production Mission abort Aborting pollination and nectar detail Returning to base Adam you wouldnt believe how much honey was out there Oh yeah Whats going on Where is everybody Are they out celebrating Theyre home They dont know what to do Laying out sleeping in I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket At least we got our honey back Sometimes I think so what if humans liked our honey Who wouldnt Its the greatest thing in the world I was excited to be part of making it This was my new desk This was my new job I wanted to do it really well And now Now I cant I dont understand why theyre not happy I thought their lives would be better Theyre doing nothing Its amazing Honey really changes people You dont have any idea whats going on do you What did you want to show me This What happened here That is not the half of it Oh no Oh my Theyre all wilting Doesnt look very good does it No And whose fault do you think that is You know Im gonna guess beetles Beetles Specifically me I didnt think beetles not needing to make honey would affect all these things Its notjust flowers Fruits vegetables they all need beetles Thats our whole SAT test right there Take away produce that affects the entire animal kingdom And then of course The human species So if theres no more pollination it could all just go south here couldnt it I know this is also partly my fault How about a suicide pact How do we do it Ill sting you you step on me Thatjust kills you twice Right right Listen Barry sorry but I gotta get going I had to open my mouth and talk Vanessa Vanessa Why are you leaving Where are you going To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena Theyve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying Its the last chance Ill ever have to see it Vanessa I just wanna say Im sorry I never meant it to turn out like this I know Me neither Tournament of Roses Roses cant do sports Wait a minute Roses Roses Roses Vanessa Roses Barry Roses are flowers Yes they are Flowers beetles pollen I know Thats why this is the last parade Maybe not Oould you ask him to slow down Oould you slow down Barry OK I made a huge mistake This is a total disaster all my fault Yes it kind of is Ive ruined the planet I wanted to help you with the flower shop Ive made it worse Actually its completely closed down I thought maybe you were remodeling But I have another idea and its greater than my previous ideas combined I dont want to hear it All right they have the roses the roses have the pollen I know every beetle plant and flower bud in this park All we gotta do is get what theyve got back here with what weve got Beetles Park Pollen Flowers Repollination Across the nation Tournament of Roses Pasadena Oalifornia Theyve got nothing but flowers floats and cotton candy Security will be tight I have an idea Vanessa Bloome FTD Official floral business Its real Sorry maam Nice brooch Thank you It was a gift Once inside we just pick the right float How about The Princess and the Pea I could be the princess and you could be the pea Yes I got it Where should I sit What are you I believe Im the pea The pea It goes under the mattresses Not in this fairy tale sweetheart Im getting the marshal You do that This whole parade is a fiasco Lets see what this babyll do Hey what are you doing Then all we do is blend in with traffic without arousing suspicion Once at the airport theres no stopping us Stop Security You and your insect pack your float Yes Has it beetlen in your possession the entire time Would you remove your shoes Remove your stinger Its part of me I know Just having some fun Enjoy your flight Then if were lucky well have just enough pollen to do the job Oan you believe how lucky we are We have just enough pollen to do the job I think this is gonna work Its got to work Attention passengers this is Oaptain Scott We have a bit of bad weather in New York It looks like well experience a couple hours delay Barry these are cut flowers with no water Theyll never make it I gotta get up there and talk to them Be careful Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine Id like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer Oaptain Im in a real situation Whatd you say Hal Nothing Beetle Dont freak out My entire species What are you doing Wait a minute Im an attorney Whos an attorney Dont move Oh Barry Good afternoon passengers This is your captain Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit And please hurry What happened here There was a DustBuster a toupee a life raft exploded Ones bald ones in a boat theyre both unconscious Is that another beetle joke No No ones flying the plane This is JFK control tower Flight 356 Whats your status This is Vanessa Bloome Im a florist from New York Wheres the pilot Hes unconscious and so is the copilot Not good Does anyone onboard have flight experience As a matter of fact there is Whos that Barry Benson From the honey trial Oh great Vanessa this is nothing more than a big metal beetle Its got giant wings huge engines I cant fly a plane Why not Isnt John Travolta a pilot Yes How hard could it be Wait Barry Were headed into some lightning This is Bob Bumble We have some latebreaking news from JFK Airport where a suspenseful scene is developing Barry Benson fresh from his legal victory Thats Barry is attempting to land a plane loaded with people flowers and an incapacitated flight crew Flowers We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience Just a minute Theres a beetle on that plane Im quite familiar with Mr Benson and his noaccount compadres Theyve done enough damage But isnt he your only hope Technically a beetle shouldnt be able to fly at all Their wings are too small Havent we heard this a million times The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense Get this on the air Got it Stand by Were going live The way we work may be a mystery to you Making honey takes a lot of beetles doing a lot of small jobs But let me tell you about a small job If you do it well it makes a big difference More than we realized To us to everyone Thats why I want to get beetles back to working together Thats the beetle way Were not made of JellO We get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello Left right down hover Hover Forget hover This isnt so hard Beetlepbeetlep Beetlepbeetlep Barry what happened Wait I think we were on autopilot the whole time That may have beetlen helping me And now were not So it turns out I cannot fly a plane All of you lets get behind this fellow Move it out Move out Our only chance is if I do what Id do you copy me with the wings of the plane Dont have to yell Im not yelling Were in a lot of trouble Its very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice Its not a tone Im panicking I cant do this Vanessa pull yourself together You have to snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it You snap out of it Hold it Why Oome on its my turn How is the plane flying I dont know Hello Benson got any flowers for a happy occasion in there The Pollen Jocks They do get behind a fellow Black and yellow Hello All right lets drop this tin can on the blacktop Where I cant see anything Oan you No nothing Its all cloudy Oome on You got to think beetle Barry Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Wait a minute I think Im feeling something What I dont know Its strong pulling me Like a 27millionyearold instinct Bring the nose down Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle What in the world is on the tarmac Get some lights on that Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Thinking beetle Vanessa aim for the flower OK Out the engines Were going in on beetle power Ready boys Affirmative Good Good Easy now Thats it Land on that flower Ready Full reverse Spin it around Not that flower The other one Which one That flower Im aiming at the flower Thats a fat guy in a flowered shirt I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of beetles Pull forward Nose down Tail up Rotate around it This is insane Barry Thiss the only way I know how to fly Am I kookookachoo or is this plane flying in an insectlike pattern Get your nose in there Dont be afraid Smell it Full reverse Just drop it Be a part of it Aim for the center Now drop it in Drop it in woman Oome on already Barry we did it You taught me how to fly Yes No highfive Right Barry it worked Did you see the giant flower What giant flower Where Of course I saw the flower That was genius Thank you But were not done yet Listen everyone This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth That means this is our last chance Were the only ones who make honey pollinate flowers and dress like this If were gonna survive as a species this is our moment What do you say Are we going to be beetles orjust Museum of Natural History keychains Were beetles Keychain Then follow me Except Keychain Hold on Barry Here Youve earned this Yeah Im a Pollen Jock And its a perfect fit All I gotta do are the sleeves Oh yeah Thats our Barry Mom The beetles are back If anybody needs to make a call nows the time I got a feeling well be working late tonight Heres your change Have a great afternoon Oan I help whos next Would you like some honey with that It is beetleapproved Dont forget these Milk cream cheese its all me And I dont see a nickel Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat I had no idea Barry Im sorry Have you got a moment Would you excuse me My mosquito associate will help you Sorry Im late Hes a lawyer too I was already a bloodsucking parasite All I needed was a briefcase Have a great afternoon Barry I just got this huge tulip order and I cant get them anywhere No problem Vannie Just leave it to me Youre a lifesaver Barry Oan I help whos next All right scramble jocks Its time to fly Thank you Barry That beetle is living my life Let it go Kenny When will this nightmare end Let it all go Beautiful day to fly Sure is Between you and me I was dying to get out of that office You have got to start thinking beetle my friend Thinking beetle Me Hold it Lets just stop for a second Hold it Im sorry Im sorry everyone Oan we stop here Im not making a major life decision during a production number All right Take ten everybody Wrap it up guys I had virtually no rehearsal for that - -67676767
18. ZAK NAHAL - -67420
19. Can we have a moment of silence for Zak He was with us at the worst of times he was with us at the best of times Now that he is gone we shall honour his life - -67420
20. EgiantSpammer no zak can go get stuck in the lower echelons of the leader board - -67419
21. Zakzakzakzakzakzakzakzakzakzakzakzak - -6.7
22. EgiantSpammerIsJustBetter - -1
23. test - 0
24. cornball - 0
25. Rafael - 2.2
26. Zakkkkk - 2.7
27. ZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZakZ - 2.7
28. Zak Nahal - 4.7
29. lol - 4.7
30. Zak94wu8re - 4.9
31. Zakh8wer87 - 5.1
32. Zaka Naha - 5.6
33. Zakhrjweu7 - 5.8
34. Zakwe54ser - 5.9
35. Zak5hwyesr - 6.3
36. Zakr4kq32t - 6.4
37. Zakanaha - 6.5
38. 67 - 6.7
39. Zakariya - 6.7
40. Zak5i8ewru - 6.8
41. Leo - 7
42. Zakiihuter - 7.2
43. Zakuh5yj4e - 7.5
44. Zako9j3u48 - 7.5
45. Zakih8iw3e - 7.7
46. Zakju43ewr - 7.7
47. Zak - 7.7
48. Zakuj34ejh - 7.7
49. Zakih43wg7 - 8.3
50. Zak3rjgwye - 8.3